Ease My Mind
by JavaJunkie14
Summary: COMPLETE! When Tomoe suddenly passes away, a grieving brother is not all he leaves behind.
1. Prologue and Chapter One

**9/9/14: Currently being rewritten **

**Disclaimer: **Don't own them…rub it in why don't you

**Warnings: **Rating is **T** for right now, for later chapters it will be changed to** M** for sex scenes and language. Character death (depends on the reader whether it's major or minor, I consider it major). Slight angst (mostly in the beginning chapters)

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><p><strong>Ease My Mind<strong>

_Prologue_

Witnesses claimed the driver had been veering dangerously into the oncoming lane. They recounted tales of blaring fog lights, the horrific sound of bones crunching, and screams that emanated into the night. One witness swore it was suicide.

Souichi Tatsumi wanted to punch said witness.

How dare he assume that just because Kurokawa had leapt into the road to pull Tomoe back that he was attempting to die along with him.

Die…his brother…_dead_.

Tears sprang to his eyes almost instantly and he scrubbed at them angrily. He was so tired of crying.

A warm hand crept slowly across the table to lie atop his and he couldn't even find the strength to push it away.

"Senpai?" He made no move to answer. "Senpai, I'm going to go to school for an hour or two just to check up on everything ok? Are you going to be alright?"

When he barely grunted in acknowledgment the hand disappeared and the stab he felt as the cool air hit it left him unbearably bitter. As if sensing the hollowness he felt working it's way into his chest, a tender kiss was placed atop his head.

In any other situation, in any other time or place he would have leapt up, grabbed the assailant's shirt and landed a good punch to his jaw. But alas he allowed the affectionate gesture, even going so far as to close his eyes at the touch, and listened for the sound of the front door as his kohai left the apartment.

The feel of the chair he was seated on suddenly became too uncomfortable and the room felt like a vacuum, suffocating him, stealing his breath. He had to do something or he'd go insane with the agony that being left with his thoughts seemed to evoke.

He paced. He sat down. He pulled at his long hair and repeated the process. Tomoe flashed through his mind with every step.

When he had tired, he stumbled into his room. Face down he could bury his head into his pillow and block out the world. He tried to squeeze his eyes against the silence but as he was rapidly realizing, it was a pointless exercise.

* * *

><p><em>Hasty knocks pounded at his door and with one glance at the clock he grumbled loudly. <em>

"_Senpai? Senpai! I need to come in, it's important." With the lateness of the hour, Souichi merely turned over on his side. Nothing was that important at 3:42 in the morning on a Monday. _

_Despite his silence, Tetsuhiro opened the door anyway and strode over to Souichi's bedside. _

"_Huh? HEY! GET OUT OF HERE YOU-"Souichi stopped mid sentence as took in Tetsuhiro's face. It was white as a sheet, paler than he had ever seen, and he looked like he'd been crying. _

_Something was very wrong. _

"_It's…Senpai it's…your brother…he and…he…" Testuhiro started, twisting the phone he had in his hands in an anxious gesture. _

_Souichi sat all the way up, grappling for his glasses when he felt them being pushed into his hand, and attempted to stand only to be pushed down again. _

"_No I…think you should be sitting." Tetsuhiro tried to reason. Souichi obediently waited for him to continue, his stomach in knots. "Your brother he…he was hit by a car…him and Kurokawa and…well…it isn't good." _

_The words washed over Souichi like a bucket of ice water. A sickening swoop in his stomach made him want to throw up and he could feel his breath quicken. No, this wasn't happening. _

"_No." He said firmly. He didn't have to look at Testuhiro to know that this one word probably broke his heart and when a hand tried to rest on his shoulder he threw it off angrily. _

"_NO!" _

"_Senpai please I…" _

"_Where is he? Where is he?" Souichi demanded, leaping up and yanking the phone out of Tetsuhiro's hand. _

"_He's…Senpai please where are you going?" Either he didn't hear him or was ignoring the comment for he was already out the door, clad only in pajamas and Testuhiro's coat. Testuhiro almost stepped on the phone that Souichi had dropped in favor of his cell phone and was climbing down the steps with him. _

"_Stop Senpai! It's almost 4 in the morning where are you going?" Tetsuhiro yelled, well aware that he was most likely awakening the entire apartment complex. It was hardly the time to care. _

"_Matsuda's. She must know, she has to know, I have to be there. FUCK! My phone doesn't have service." It was a grumbled response, almost as if he was talking to himself and Testuhiro jogged to catch up. _

"_Wait! Wait just a second I don't think…" Souichi halted suddenly and glared in his direction, the force of it making him stumble back._

"_NO! I have to know what's happening! Don't you dare try to stop me idiot!" Souichi's voice cracked, his eyes were full of determination and worry, and he made to storm off. Testuhiro stopped, taking a shaky breath. _

"…_he's dead. Senpai, he died."_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter One<em>

Five cultures, three stacks of paperwork, and a quick consultation with his professor later, he was on his way home. A few of his peers had eyed his hasty work, one even asking why he was in such a rush. But it was hardly his place to say. Senpai wouldn't appreciate the whole world knowing.

_Senpai._

His heart hadn't felt so heavy in a long while. The look on his Senpai's strong and impenetrable face when he found out, the complete agony that was forever emblazoned into his memory.

It was Thursday so it had only been a few days. Senpai barely left his room, the rare times Testuhiro had seen him he looked pale, sickly, and his eyes were puffy and red. The only food Testuhiro had watched him eat was half a sandwich which he abandoned to retreat to his room again.

The day before Testuhiro had managed, with a lot of persuasion, to get Senpai to take a bath. He had drawn it up himself, making sure the water was hot enough, and left him to his own devices. Senpai slammed the door in his face before he could ask if he needed anything else.

At this point he had taken the opportunity to clean Senpai's room a little. Somehow he hadn't expected Souichi to grieve in the same way as everyone else. But tissues littered the floor, there was a bucket next to his bed but was devoid of any sick. The worst part was his pillow; some of the feathers were protruding from it as if it had been punched several times and it was still damp.

Testuhiro cleaned up the tissues, replaced the pillow with a fresh one, and left a few snacks by his bedside table before retreating to his own room. He stared at the wall opposite and felt tears of his own.

Testuhiro opened the front door as quietly as he could manage even though it was barely five in the evening. He scanned the living room where he had left Souichi and felt a slight twinge of disappointment when the spot was empty. He considered calling his name but he anticipated another uncomfortable silence.

He edged towards Souichi's bedroom door and went to knock. Souichi had been sleeping for days at a time so he pressed his ear to the door and once he confirmed he could hear nothing, he twisted the doorknob.

Souichi was face down on his bed, his hair splayed about his head and on his pillow, the covers were tangled in his legs.

Tetsuhiro could do nothing more than gaze at him from the doorway. He knew he should not push Souichi in his condition even if he thought it would be in his best interest to talk it out. He had risked it earlier by holding his hand and placing a kiss on Souichi's head to which he did not resist.

It was almost like Souichi had lost the fight in him.

"I want to see Kanako." Testuhiro almost jumped out of his skin. He could have sworn Souichi was asleep.

"Wha-? Oh, oh yes of course Senpai, I'll contact her right away!" He replied hurriedly and closed the door once more. He allowed a small smile.

This was the most his Senpai had spoken in four days.

* * *

><p>Kanako was holding up better than either of them thought she would. She had been at school when Matsuda appeared outside her dormitory room with news that left her crumpled in the doorway.<p>

She cradled her brothers hand in her own as she talked to Testuhiro with all the strength he had come to associate with her.

"Father is…well he won't be here for awhile unfortunately. The funeral is set to be Saturday and Matsuda…she's better than she was. She's managed to set everything up so, Nii-chan, you don't have to worry okay?" She said, her voice cracking slightly.

Souichi glanced at her, a gentleness overcoming his resilient features for a moment, and nodded slightly before turning his head away from both of them.

"Kanako, are you alright staying with Matsuda or would you like to stay with us?" Tetsuhiro asked quietly; he felt like he was almost intruding on the pair but she had insisted he stay.

She gave a watery smile. "I'm fine Morinaga-kun; Matsuda has always taken care of me but thank you all the same. I just wonder how…" She stopped, looking to the ceiling as if the answer was there. Tetsuhiro waited patiently for her to continue and with a gentle inquiry, she surprised him with tear filled eyes.

"I just wonder what will happen to their baby…to Maya."

The phone rang. The trio allowed it to go to voicemail.

"This message is for Souchi Tatsumi. My name's Hana Maruyama. I would appreciate you giving me a call back when you have the chance. We need to discuss a particular portion of the will Tomoe Tatsumi left with us. There is a matter of great importance that needs to be situated as quickly as possible."


	2. Chapter Two

**Ease My Mind**

_Chapter Two_

Tetsuhiro looked up at the sound of a door closing. From his place at the table, cross legged and snacking on a sliced apple, he watched his Senpai walk across to the front door. Tetsuhiro knew where he was going, dressed slightly more formal than usual, and noticed the tense way in which Souichi carried himself. Tetsuhiro was certain he was beyond nervous.

"What time do you think you'll be back, Senpai?" He asked, trying to keep his voice light so as to not add to the tension already circulating around the room. Ever since the accident, the apartment felt empty and grief still engulfed it. It didn't feel the same anymore.

But then again, Souichi wasn't the same either.

Souichi turned from his place at the front door. The exhausted gaze faltered as he spoke and his voice was crackly from disuse.

"You aren't coming?" The innocent question prompted Tetsuhiro to swallow thickly around the emotion suddenly throttling him.

"I…I didn't know you wanted me there Senpai." He stopped, gauging Souichi's nervous stance and quickly added, "But of course I'll be there. Just give me a minute." Souichi nodded and opened the door to wait outside.

Tetsuhiro sighed with relief. Every conversation the past few days had been like pulling teeth. He understood of course, this was not something one got over easily, but he was glad that Souichi still trusted him enough to invite him along.

With a quick clearing up, he jogged to the front door and joined his roommate outside.

* * *

><p>Tetsuhiro gave his condolences as Matsuda opened the door for them. The vacant, exhausted gaze she wore closely resembled that of Souichi's. He squeezed her hand in a semblance of comfort.<p>

He followed Souichi quietly into the living room, Kanako already seated and speaking quietly with a woman opposite her. The woman stood upon the new arrivals and introduced herself as Tomoe Tatsumi's lawyer, Hana.

When they were all seated and comfortable, Tetsuhiro took the opportunity to stand behind Kanako's chair in an attempt to make himself scarce but was surprised at a quiet call of his name. Souichi had shuffled over to make room for him. Tetsuhiro was so surprised it took a few moments for him to move, conscious of the fact that everyone was watching. Once seated, he couldn't help but notice Souichi's leg was angled so their knees touched; he wondered if it was instinctive.

"Well first, I would like to give my condolences; Tomoe was a lovely person." Hana said, sounding far too mechanic for someone who was supposed to be addressing a grieving family. Tetsuhiro could practically hear Souichi's teeth grinding and was thankful when Matsuda said a quick thank you. "And of course, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to meet with me, we have much to discuss." She took a breath and pulled out a piece of paper from a folder she had been clutching as if it were a lifeline.

"Because this is a time sensitive issue, I would like to first address the 6th Article. It reads: _If I am deceased, and my child Maya Reiko Tatsumi is surviving, I appoint as guardian of the person and property of Maya Tatsumi my brother Souichi Tatsumi. He shall have full and complete custody of Maya Tatsumi. If he does not qualify for any reason or ceases to serve as a proper guardian, I appoint as successor my father Soujin Tatsumi_."

Silence met the end of her reading.

She obviously was not used to an entire family remaining quiet in the aftermath of a reading of a will. This one, it seemed, couldn't believe their ears.

"There must be a mistake." Souichi said grimly, his voice flat and devoid of emotion. Hana quirked an eyebrow.

"I assure you it is not. You are Souichi I presume? What are your thoughts on this?" She asked.

"My thoughts? You just told me I have to raise my brother's kid. His _baby_. What the fuck am I supposed to think?" Souichi said heatedly, immediately rubbing his palms over his eyes. "Sorry it's just…this is a lot to take in"

"If you aren't ready for this child Mr. Tatsumi or do not wish to raise her, your father is the successor and I'm sure he will-"

"Father is always busy though. He…he was barely here when I was growing up. I love my father but…I don't think he will want to raise another child." Kanako interjected quietly. Souichi found himself nodding along with her; she was right after all.

"I see well…if you and your father, the only people mentioned as potential guardians, do not want to have custody of Maya, then she will have to be put into the foster care system." She said. Souichi tensed.

"Woah, I didn't say I didn't want her. I just…how can you expect me to make this decision in two seconds? I need to think this through." Souichi explained and sent an accusing glare at the woman in front of them. She seemed unperturbed by this outburst.

"I realize it must be difficult, but Maya is currently with our social workers and the best thing for a baby of four months, of such a young and dependent age is to be with her guardian as soon as possible. She has to grow accustomed to her surroundings, get used to a new home and routine…speaking of which, if you are seriously considering taking full custody of her we will need to discuss your living arrangements."

Souichi bristled and Tetsuhiro didn't have to look at him to know he was going to be slightly pink; he always was, even after so long living together.

"I live in an apartment not far from here with this guy." He gestured to his left and a look of understanding crossed her features. Souichi added, "We're just roommates."

"I see. And, _roommate_, how do you feel about a baby living with you?" All eyes turned on him and he cleared his throat nervously at the sudden attention.

"Well I…I've never really taken care of a baby before but, I've been good with them in the past and I'll be happy to help Senpai out." He assured, shrinking back at the intense gazes that met him head on.

Hana seemed satisfied with this answer, and turned to address Souichi again.

"And school? You are quite young to be raising a child; do you think you could handle that added responsibility?"

"…I've juggled more than this before. I'm young but I'm not stupid, and if I need help I have people I can ask." Souichi said decisively.

"Souichi, are you really considering this?" Matsuda asked cautiously.

"Big brother, do you think you'll be able to take care of a baby? I trust and love you will all my heart but...a baby is very hard work." Kanako chimed in.

Tetsuhiro remained silent; as much as he would love to care for Souichi's niece, he had a feeling his Senpai would probably say…

"Yes."

_Huh?_

"Yes…you…?"

"I'll do it."

* * *

><p>Senpai…with a <em>baby<em>…Tetsuhiro still couldn't wrap his head around it. Sure he had seen how he was with Kanako, watching her with an affection he had never once shown anyone else. But raising a baby was tough work he knew that, not to mention their age. Souichi had his whole life in front of him, he wanted to do things, go places, and he had just potentially thrown that all away for a child he had never met. Souichi seemed to earn his love and respect so effortlessly.

When they reached the apartment, Souichi didn't immediately go to his room as usual, choosing instead to slump into the couch. He wasn't about to push his luck so he took a seat rather far from him, the warmth of his leg a mere memory.

"You surprised me today Senpai." Tetsuhiro decided to pipe up after a few moments. When Souichi turned a slightly interested expression his way he continued. "When she said that, I thought for sure you would say no. You decided so quickly though, why?"

"Because she's family. That's what family does, end of story." He responded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Testuhiro smiled, his chest muddled with affection. "I promise to help as much as I can Senpai."

"…Thank you."


	3. Chapter Three

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Three_

Saturday, the day of the funeral, Souichi kept himself as busy as possible. He woke as dawn trickled through the window, cleaned his room, the living room, kitchen, and bathroom. By eleven , the apartment was spotless and when Tetsuhiro finally saw an opportunity to speak with him, he announced he was going to buy _baby things_.

"Baby…things? Senpai, are you sure you know what to get? Do you not want me to come and help pick things out?" Tetsuhiro asked as Souichi brushed past him to get to his wallet.

"I can do it. I have a list. I'll be back in time." He said shortly and was out the door. Tetsuhiro sighed and decided against following him.

* * *

><p>At 12:30 pm, Souichi burst through the door with several large, packaged boxes. Testuhiro strode quickly forward and shouldered some of them. Several trips back and forth were made and by the time they were finished, the pile had taken over their small living room.<p>

Tetsuhiro frowned at the stack and opened his mouth to ask what he managed to buy when Souichi said, "Can't talk. Have to get ready."

Already dressed in his nice suit, Tetsuhiro shut his mouthand dug in the pile for the crib parts. He imagined they would need the crib very soon.

When all the parts were successfully recovered and stacked in a pile, he began putting them together.

He went about it silently, thoughts going towards the baby that would be soon be curled up inside the crib he built. It had been true, didn't have that much experience with babies apart from family friends who allowed him to hold their children. But he couldn't help the first tingling of excitement to share this with Souichi. No matter how much he may deny it, Souchi, Maya, and Tetsuhiro would be their own little family, albeit a strange one but a family nonetheless.

Once completed, Tetsuhiro shook the sides to make sure it was sturdy enough, smoothing a hand over the wood. The small mattress fit snugly inside and he wondered if Souichi had thought to buy some sheets, pleasantly surprised when he retrieved some simple yellow ones from the pile. Tetsuhiro was about to put them on when Souichi exited his room.

Souichi wore his only suit, a blue tie hanging loosely from his neck, and his hair tied back for the first time since Monday.

"I would have done that later." Souchi muttered, his heart clearly not in the comment. Tetsuhiro stood and dusted his pants off, mostly for something to do, and shrugged.

"I know I just…do you need help with your tie?" He blurted it out before he could really think about it.

Souichi remained silent but after some consideration nodded his head anyway and Testuhiro made his way over to him.

The color blue went well with Souichi's hair and complimented his skin. Tetsuhiro gripped at the tie before he could say something he'd regret. Souichi was far too vulnerable right now. When he had finished the tie, he smoothed it out for good measure and stood a little farther away. Souichi didn't seem to notice, adjusting the collar distractedly.

"Ready?" Tetsuhiro asked softly.

Souichi, who hadn't removed his gaze from Morinaga's face dropped his gaze.

"As ready as ever I guess. I just want this over with." Souichi answered, his voice deceiving him and cracking slightly. Morinaga did his best to smile encouragingly and nodded.

"Ok, let's go."

* * *

><p>There were many people Souichi did not recognize in the room. and he told Tetsuhiro so. When word got out that he was to be Maya's guardian, Tomoe and Kurokawa's friends who had gotten to know the little girl, wished him the best of luck and asked him to take good care of her.<p>

Soon enough, Soujin Tatsumi arrived, his pale face streaked with tears. He went immediately to his remaining son and trapped him in a tight hug. Kanako, who was across the room at that moment and had finally managed to quell her tears, broke down at the sight of her father. She quickly joined, squeezing between them, and the family stayed in each other's embraces for a long while.

Saying goodbye to Tomoe was harder than any of them had imagined.

* * *

><p>Even though he had fallen behind, Tetsuhiro could clearly imagine the exhausted anger that graced Souichi's face at that moment. When said man clenched his fists, probably looking for an opportunity to hit something, he was glad he had given them the space.<p>

"What did you expect me to do, you stupid old man? You were God knows where, I made the decision, that's it."

"This is a baby son. What do you know about raising a child?"

"So you're saying I can't do it."

"No! I am saying I don't think you ever wanted children and that this is being forced on you. I want you to be happy Souchi, you know that don't you?"

"She is family and this is what family does, they stick together. How would you know when you're always disappearing."

"Souichi, you've always known that my work takes me far away but of course I would rather be here with all of you! Why just the other day I was watching a _Calopteron reticulatum_ scuttle away and of course thought of you…"

"For…the…last…time…I hate bugs and insects and anything in the ground or soil because I don't care what is in the ground or soil and-"

The group stuttered to a halt in front of their apartment building for standing not two feet away from the door was a young woman was knocking at their door, and in her arms was…a squirming blanket.

"Ah! Hello there. I was worried I got the wrong house. Which one of you is Souichi Tatsumi?" The young woman said in a cheery tone and descended the stairs to meet with the rather large group.

Souichi raised his hand slightly, unable to tear his eyes away from the baby who was now watching them all with interest. The woman smiled gently as she approached them and faltered when the man who was supposed to be the babies guardian, almost tripped backwards when she moved.

"It's quite alright Mr. Tatsumi, she won't bite…not yet anyway." She remarked playfully. Souichi turned a little pink and crossed his arms in a huff.

Soujin, who had calmed considerably at the sight of his granddaughter, stepped around his son.

"I'm this little girl's grandfather so…may I?" He inquired and the young woman transferred her to the older man's arms with an encouraging smile.

Tetsuhiro moved slowly forward to get a closer look and broke into a smile. She was gorgeous. Milky white skin with tinted rosy cheeks, he could make out how light her hair was going to be, but her most striking feature were the curious green eyes that switched between the crowd of new faces.

Soujin stroked the baby's cheek softly while whispering how pretty she was.

"Would you like to come inside with us?" Tetsuhiro suggested in a low voice and the young woman nodded gratefully.

After a quick look around the apartment, the social worker who introduced herself as Keiko, made a few suggestions to make it more suitable for the baby.

"Overall, I'm impressed with how clean this house is and you seem to have the essentials. Just make sure to get those built and made safe and you will be good to go! Oh and of course, do you have anyone who can teach you the basics or…" At this point, Matsuda stepped forward and nervously cleared her throat.

"Don't worry, I'll teach these boys everything there is to know."

* * *

><p>Once they had showed Keiko out, Soujin chuckled for the first time that day.<p>

"Come now my confident, eager boy, she's not that scary. Why don't you hold your niece?" Souichi, who had just dropped on the couch, cast a worried glance at them.

"Shut up. I'm not…scared." He said and Tetsuhiro, who had taken the seat next to him, couldn't contain an affectionate smile.

Soujin approached the pair, shifting the baby's weight and raised his eyebrows expectantly. Souichi stood slowly and awkwardly outstretched his arms towards the baby. Matsuda instantly moved forward and instructed Souichi on how to hold her. She moved his arms into the correct position until Maya's head was cradled against Souichi's shoulder and he had a good support of her head and bottom. Tetsuhiro stood as well, eager to see how Souichi looked with a baby in his arms. He wasn't expecting the sight to take his breath away but it did just that; Souichi had never looked more beautiful, holding Maya close, a nervous but content expression settling on his face.

"She's going to be gorgeous. My little Maya." Soujin commented quietly as he sent an approved glance at his son and granddaughter.

Souichi, who hadn't really gotten a good look at the baby, turned his head to take a look. When the curious jade, green eyes met golden brown…a shriek filled the air.

Tetsuhiro cringed as Souichi's eyes widened in panic at the surprisingly loud cries that soon engulfed the apartment and was barely prepared when Maya was shoved into his arms.

He could hear laughter in the background as he quickly adjusted to Maya's weight and copied what Senpai's father had done earlier by whispering soothing words in her ear.

"What a smart little girl. Oh come now Souichi, no one likes to watch you pout in a corner." Soujin said lightly and they all watched as Souichi crossed his arms once more and slumped dejectedly on the couch.

"I'll, prepare something for dinner shall I?" Matsuda offered, careful not to set Souichi off.

Tetsuhiro nodded thankfully to Matsuda before resuming his attempt to calm Myaa who had finally opened her teary eyes to look at her new attendant. Tetsuhiro smiled gently at the baby who sniffled a few times before quieting down considerably and Soujin laughed once more.

"Looks like she's taken a shining to you Morinaga-san. Good thing you're around eh?"

* * *

><p>After multiple rejected offers to stay the night to help, Soujin, Matsuda, and Kanako made their leave.<p>

Ever since they left, however, Souichi had once again decided to make himself as busy as possible. Tetsuhiro hadn't put Maya down in hours and his arms were starting to ache. He knew that Souichi was afraid of holding the baby again and busied himself to make it look like he wasn't avoiding the situation when he most clearly was. When he had finally finished the changing table, the last of the packages, he sighed heavily and cast a weary glance at Tetsuhiro and Maya who had taken to sit on the couch.

"Do you…want me to ya know…take over?"

"It's alright, Senpai; Matsuda said that after this bottle she should be sleepier. You go ahead and go to bed." He suggested and smiled when Souichi hesitated near his bedroom.

"But she's…I mean she's my niece I should really…"

"Really Senpai it's okay. The crib is already in my room anyway." Tetsuhiro insisted and watched as Souichi slowly opened the door to his room. He glanced back at the pair, opened his mouth, shut it, and sighed.

"Okay well….good night…thanks."

Tetsuhiro smiled, looking down at the baby in his arms just in time to see her yawn and start to fuss. He switched her to mirror the position Souichi had had her in a while ago and hummed soothingly.


	4. Chapter Four

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Four  
><em>

With new surroundings, new caretakers, and jet lag weighing in on her, it was no wonder Maya didn't get much sleep. She went down at eleven and woke not three hours later. It took Testuhiro an hour to finally calm her enough to stop crying. Even as he paced the apartment with a bawling baby, Souichi's door remained stubbornly shut and he began to worry that he would really have to do this all on his own. Eventually she exhausted herself out, heaving shaky sobs every once in a while, and fell asleep. Tetsuhiro knew she was upset, missing Tomoe and Kurokawa, the only two people she knew.

When Tetsuhiro awoke for the second time it wasn't because of a baby but he could hear voices on the other side of his door. He noticed two things in a short space of time; the first was that it was noon and the second was that Maya had disappeared from her crib.

Naturally his sleep hazy mind panicked and he sprang up and threw his bedroom door open only to meet the surprised stares of the Tatsumi family. He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

"Sorry…it's just Maya was gone…"

"No worries Morinaga-san. We just didn't want her to wake you since it was you and not my irresponsible son who was up with her all night long." Soujin commented lightly and his son murmured a few profanities from his place in front of the coffee machine.

"He was tired I understand. What brings you here?" He asked and almost immediately regretted the question. Maybe Souichi was right, he really was an idiot; of course they would be here, they were in _mourning_.

"Just checking in. Kanako would not stop begging to see little Maya here." Kanako looked at Morinaga sheepishly as she let Maya, who lay content in her arms, chew on her pinky.

"She's so cute! When I have a daughter I want one as beautiful as her!" Kanako exclaimed, sighing in bliss and a cup fell to the floor in the kitchen.

"K-Kanako! Don't be thinking of such things!" Souichi yelled.

"Souchi! About my offer…"

"I refuse."

"Come on now son, Morinaga-san, talk to him please."

"I told you! I took on this responsibility, it was my decision, my own! You don't want to have to raise another child old man, do you?"

"Well to tell the truth, no. I'm much too past my prime but I will not let my granddaughter live unhappily." Souichi sputtered, angry at the insinuation.

"Oh and I would make her unhappy? Is that what you're saying?"

"Of course not! I'm so glad that Morinaga-san is here for you but he won't be for long will he? He will leave eventually to live his own life and you will have to deal with school, work, and a child."

Tetsuhiro's eyes immediately sought Souichi's who caught his gaze and looked away guiltily. Tetsuhiro was filled with a sudden wave of disappointment; did Souichi really think he was going to leave him?

"…he's here for now. He's here now and that's all that matters." Souichi said, seemingly drained from the conversation.

It did not make Tetsuhiro feel any better.

Soujin sighed heavily, and pinched the space between his eyes.

"I don't want you to think I don't trust you Souichi. I believe that with a little time and effort you will raise a wonderful child but…I have my doubts that's all and I only want you to be happy. Understand?"

Souichi was quiet, nodding a little and brought his cup of coffee to the table where the other two members of his family were seated.

Tetsuhiro, who hadn't yet moved from his spot at the door, made his way over to the coffee machine Souichi had just vacated and gingerly made himself a cup.

_Eventually he will leave_

Did Souichi truly think that way? Or was it that…he secretly wanted him to go?

"Since I don't have an infinite amount of time here, can we take Maya out for a quick walk?" Soujin's voice snapped Tetsuhiro from his thoughts.

"Yea, sure. Just don't kidnap her." Souichi mumbled and Kanako squealed with delight at the prospect of steering the stroller.

* * *

><p>Back in the apartment, Tetsuhiro was clearing up and Souichi offered to dry.<p>

"Thank you, Senpai." He said gently, moving over so Souichi could fit next to him. They'd almost gotten through the stack when Souichi threw the dish towel onto the counter with more force than was necessary.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Huh? Oh nothing Senpai really."

"Just shut up and tell me idiot."

"…it's not important."

"Bullshit. You look like a kicked puppy."

"Fine fine. Just…it's just what your father said Senpai. About…about the possibility of not living together. It just makes me sad, alright?"

"So...you do want to move out?"

Tetsuhiro sighed, shaking his head.

"Well then...It's not…it won't…can't you just be happy about what we have right now?"

"I am Senpai I am! That's why it makes me sad because I can't help but look to the future."_ I want to be with you forever_, he wished he could say but knew it wouldn't be well received.

When Souichi didn't respond, he smiled as best he could. "Honestly, Senpai. Please don't worry about me when you have more important things to be thinking of."

Souichi remained silent. "I think I'm going to go to my room for a bit."

"Ahh, Senpai? Do you want to watch TV for a while?"

"…Sure, why not."

Tetsuhiro smiled brightly and went to switch the television on. He didn't really care what they were watching, he was just happy that Souichi had chosen to be with him than to sulk in his room.

* * *

><p>Tetsuhiro Morinaga paced the floor of his apartment that night with a sobbing baby; his roommates niece and responsibility no less.<p>

He swerved to avoid the kitchen counter, only narrowly avoiding it with an armful of baby and retrieved the bottle he had heated up. Maya was stubborn and turned her head to the side as he attempted to place it to her lips. She cried louder as he followed her movements and when she finally realized what he was doing, latched onto the container and the crying ceased instantly.

Tetsuhiro slumped onto the couch, exhausted and fatigued. It was four in the morning and he had pacing for roughly three hours. His legs definitely felt the relief and his eyelids grew heavy, wondering if Souichi was such a heavy sleeper he couldn't hear Maya.

Unfortunately, the more likely truth was that he was simply ignoring them.

In fact, Tetsuhiro was seriously starting to suspect Souichi was avoiding them.

He would time his meals, making them early so that Tetsuhiro and Maya weren't hungry and he could eat by himself. If Tetsuhiro said they needed something, Souichi would leap up and insist he go out to buy whatever they needed. And the worst part was that he would go to bed ridiculously early so he wouldn't have to deal with Maya's irregular sleeping patterns.

Tetsuhiro understood that he was grieving; he really truly did and he knew Souichi was still hurting. But technically Maya was not his to care for and he was pretty sure another week of no sleep would cause him to crack.

He glanced down as Maya wriggled a bit. She was almost through with the bottle and Tetsuhiro winced at the prospect of more screaming. But when she had sufficiently downed the contents, she released the bottle and stared up at him. He smiled gently and she reached a hand up to try and touch his face. When she couldn't do so, she retreated and yawned, rubbing her eyes and face messily with tiny hands.

* * *

><p>As he woke blearily the following morning, Tetsuhiro was greeted not by the sunlight but with vicious pain. It stemmed from his neck all the way across his shoulders and down his back. It…hurt…like…hell.<p>

He winced and bit his lip to keep from crying out as he attempted to straighten his crooked neck. He did so but let it fall back when the pain made his eyes water. He couldn't just sit there, Maya was in his arms and if she woke up he really couldn't do anything about it. Souichi's name was on his lips when the man himself appeared from his bedroom.

"Oi! Did you sleep there? Why are you positioned like an idiot?" Tetsuhiro sighed with relief and tried to look in his general direction.

"Senpai thank goodness. My neck…it must be strained or something and it really, really hurts so…could you take Maya please?"

"…yea." Souichi said finally and eased Maya out of Tetsuhiro's tingling arms. When her weight left him, Tetsuhiro raised his hands up to rub his neck to no avail, it still really hurt.

"I'm just going to go find something to put on this." He stood with some effort and made his way towards the bathroom before Souichi interrupted.

"Use the heating gel I just bought."

"Okay, thank you Senpai." Tetsuhiro cast one last glance at the duo behind him, noticing Souichi still looking entirely uncomfortable with Maya in his arms. Lit only by the light from his bedroom, it was a sight that made his throat close with affection. A particularly nasty shot of pain spread down his back.

"Fuck" he whispered to himself.

Once he found and had read the tube, he uncapped it and reached up to pull his shirt off. He swore louder this time as a new ripple of pain reached his fingertips, what the hell had he done to himself?

He had to do _something, _standing there holding what could potentially help him wasn't doing any good. Maybe if he angled himself so that he was…

"Morinaga? She's like, moving."

_Souichi. _

He could…no, he wouldn't help him out like that.

When he left the bathroom, tube in hand, he mocked holding a baby to show Souichi.

"Rock her Senpai. Just move your arms a little." Souichi quickly did so, starting off a little too rough but once Maya began to whine, he slowed himself and she stopped. His sigh of relief was audible. He glanced up and frowned.

"Why didn't you use it?"

"I uhh…I can't."

"What do you mean you _can't_?"

"I can't reach. It should go away soon though, it's okay." Tetsuhiro thought Souichi had gotten the wrong idea because he narrowed his eyes and turned around and went towards Tetsuhiro's bedroom instead.

Tetsuhiro sighed, contemplating whether or not to contact a doctor.

He was not prepared for Souichi to storm out of his room, Maya gone from his arms, and have the bottle ripped from his hands.

"Turn around."

"…"

"Are you deaf? Turn around."

"I…Senpai…"

"Just shut up. I'm only doing this because you fucked your neck up taking care of the baby. Now turn around before I reconsider."

Tetsuhiro did not need any more convincing. He whipped around so fast, if he had been able to move his head he probably would have injured it in the move.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Ugh…everywhere. It started from my neck but then just…now it's my shoulders and upper back too."

"That's…a lot."

"Senpai it's fine if you don't want to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable so if you'll help me call the doctor then…"

"Oh shut up. Just…take your shirt off." Testuhiro could practically hear the blush at those words.

"I uhhh…hehe…I can't. It hurts to move my arms up."

"What the fuck did you do to yourself?"

"Good question."

"I suppose I'll have to do it then." Souichi's uncertain voice made his breath quicken. This wasn't in any way sexual, but a tiny voice at the back of his mind reminded him that Souichi was going to undress him. He waited impatiently for Souichi to round him and stand in front of his aching body.

Souichi looked adorably perplexed. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth in a tight line as he was probably trying to figure out how to take his shirt off without hurting him.

"You should probably unbutton it first." Tetsuhiro suggested quietly so as not to frighten him. He enjoyed the sight of Souichi blush and scowl at him.

"I know that…stupid." He murmured and slowly reached up to take Tetsuhiro's shirt buttons in hand. He wasn't that close, thankfully, because Tetsuhiro could smell him already and it just served as a reminder of how long it had been since they'd been together. He felt the slight pressure of Souichi's nimble fingers as they made their way down his chest. Tetsuhiro could have sworn they were fumbling a bit, the curve of Souichi's eyebrows betraying his frustration.

Once he had finished, Souichi took a step back and breathed out, his eyes scanning his work. He moved forward and began pushing the hem of his shirt upwards. Tetsuhiro took a shaky breath as Souichi accidentally brushed his fingers against his stomach.

Souichi had moved so that he was behind him now and was smoothing his shirt upwards as he had done in the front. This time, however, it wasn't lingering touches, but one long sweep of his back. Tetsuhiro bit his lip, not entirely sure if he could handle Souichi actually putting the gel on. Souichi's warm hands reached the base of his neck. He was surprised with how careful he was being in getting the shirt over his head. Once he was freed, Souichi let the fabric drop and it fell to the floor.

Tetsuhiro tried smiling encouragingly at Souichi who had appeared in front of him again. Souichi resolutely ignored his stare.

"Thank you Senpai, that didn't hurt at all."

"Hmm. Don't thank me yet." Souichi murmered and he reached down to retrieve the tube of gel from the floor. He returned to Tetsuhiro's back and he heard the squirt of the contents and the squelch of Souichi rubbing his hands together.

"Everywhere…right?" Tetsuhiro did not respond verbally, he merely nodded his head.

When Souichi's fingertips finally made contact near his neck, he bit his lip until he was sure it was white with the pressure. He felt the chill from the gel for it hadn't begun to heat yet but Souichi's fingers quickly warmed his skin. It began as hesitant and fleeting touches, as if Souichi wasn't sure if what he was doing was correct. Tetsuhiro leaned backwards so that Souchi's fingers were pressed deeper into his skin and he swallowed a moan; not only did the touch send shivers down his spine but it was easing the tension that had built there.

He bloomed his hands out from the base of his neck so that the gel spread across his shoulders, easing his thumbs into his neck to dispel the ache. It wasn't the most intimate thing they had done together. But Souichi was touching him voluntarily. It was incomparable with anything else.

Tetsuhiro vaguely registered the hands leaving his back and made a noise of protest when they returned with more gel.

"Ungh-" The moan that escaped him as Souichi dragged his hands down to reach the entirety of his back sounded so desperate, he hoped to God Souichi wouldn't pull away.

The hands did stop for a moment, but continued to rub the gel in.

Luckily Souichi repressed any comment because Tetsuhiro wasn't sure if he could explain himself coherently when those fingers were working their ways to the sides of his rib cage. He wasn't that ticklish but his skin was over sensitive and he gasped. He wanted it to be over but then wanted it to go on until the gel ran out.

His wish was granted; the hands left his skin a moment later. Tetsuhiro tumbled forward and rolled his neck back, pleasantly surprised when pain did not shoot down his arms again. It ached still, but that would go in time, Souichi's gel had worked wonders.

"So….it worked?" Souichi's low voice asked.

"Ya-uhhh yes Senpai thank you so much. I'm…I'm going to check on M-Maya." He cursed himself as the words tripped out of his mouth.

"Are you…I'll just watch TV then" Souichi said quietly, eyeing him warily.

Tetsuhiro smiled distractedly and took the opportunity to run away. He had to escape from the scent and warmth and…just away.

He entered his room quietly so as not to wake Maya and lied down. He had become so incredibly turned on in a matter of minutes but one look at Maya willed him to calm down. The gel had started to heat up; it was a pleasant feeling and made him sleepy even if he had just awoken.

He wondered idly as he drifted, why Souichi hadn't pulled away.


	5. Chapter Five

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Five_

Tetsuhiro heaved his backpack up onto pain-free shoulders, casting one last glance at the quiet apartment. After the 'back' episode, he had holed himself up in his room, too afraid to go anywhere near Souichi for fear of losing what little resolve he had left. What made him feel even worse was that it sounded like Souichi was staying up for him.

Ultimately, however, it was Tetsuhiro who slowly moved about the apartment with a groggy Maya at three that morning. She quieted much more quickly these days and as he went to put her bottle down on the coffee table, he noticed a yellow note with his name written in big, bold letters.

It was from Souichi who had, while Tetsuhiro had been asleep, gone to the university and requested two weeks off. Tetsuhiro was delighted by this; Souichi really did need to take a break after everything that happened. This meant that he was also going to care of the baby while Tetsuhiro could be at school sorting out experiments.

He arrived at school not ten minutes later and got straight to work, his mind quite preoccupied with thoughts of his two roommates.

It was the first day Souichi would be completely alone with his niece and Tetsuhiro couldn't help being slightly nervous for them both.

* * *

><p>Souichi stared at the device in front of him, willing it to remain silent.<p>

A car beeped its horn outside and the noise startled him after becoming so accustomed to the silence of the apartment. He cursed softly and settled himself down again to watch.

Tetsuhiro had left ten minutes ago and he was already having a panic attack.

What if she woke up soon? Would she want to eat? What if she refused to eat? Did he call Tetsuhiro or Matsuda?

How had Tetsuhiro handled this so well with no experience?

Souichi stood up and walked towards the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He'd just avoided a box of diapers when the world suddenly turned upside down and the floor was rapidly nearing his face. He flung his arms out and managed to land on them as he fell.

"What the fuck? Who leaves stuff in the middle of the…"

He looked down at the offending object, his eyes widening slightly. It was the gel.

A faint memory of the feeling on his fingertips heated his face. What had possessed him to not only offer to rub Tetsuhiro's back but then continue after he made _that_ noise...he didn't know.

Souichi scowled; he didn't need Tetsuhiro or these conflicting feelings confusing him right now when he had more pressing responsibilities. He righted himself, picking the gel up as he went and throwing it viciously in the vicinity of the bathroom. It clattered against the tile, bounced off the bath, and collided with the sink.

The monitor he had been staring at started piercing the silence of the apartment with the cries of a baby. He cursed rather loudly this time.

He breathed deeply before entering Tetsuhiro's room, which looked surprisngly the same save for the crib and changing table. Souichi almost admired how clean it was even when sharing with a baby. He made his way over to the side of the crib, peering down slowly as if afraid of what he might see.

Maya was rubbing her eyes haphazardly and sobbing quietly; not quite the screams she had seemed to grow out of when they had first gotten her but cries nonetheless. She didn't seem to notice his presence.

"Maya." He called as softly as he voice would allow without actually whispering. She responded immediately, dropping her tiny hands and blinking at him through long lashes coated with tears.

He really hadn't gotten a close up of the baby and found features he had glazed over these past few days. He could see wisps of what seemed to be blonde hair on the top of her head and a nose that was small and delicate. Souichi supposed she was cute.

Maya was momentarily distracted by her new acquaintance before squirming uncomfortably. Souichi's nose wrinkled.

"Oh God…don't tell me I need to-" He started, leaning away from the crib at the prospect. Maya stared up at him defiantly.

* * *

><p>Souichi held the baby at arm's length, his hands under her armpits and inspected his work.<p>

"Hopefully you won't need another for about…four hours and thirty two minutes." He grumbled and brought the baby to his chest to bring her into the kitchen.

He sat at the table, Maya still resting comfortably against him. It wasn't so bad when she wasn't screaming. She was a warm little thing and sort of fit against him. He turned his head slightly and instead of the repugnant smell from earlier, she had regained what he had only known as 'baby smell'. It was sweet and powdery.

It wasn't long before the position became too much of a bore for Maya and she began to struggle in his arms. Souichi froze and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to remain as quiet as possible so she would stop but to no avail.

He heaved himself up and walked the length of the apartment twice, heated a bottle for her which she would not take, checked her diaper, bounced her lightly as he had seen Tetsuhiro do, and even attempted to sing some song he vaguely recalled from his youth. When none of it soothed her, he dropped onto the couch in exhaustion.

_What was he doing? _

He was a college student with a bad temper and an even worse demeanor and the only people that could stand to be around him were his roommate and family. He just wasn't fit to be a father. He glanced down at Maya, unhappily squirming in his arms. He was suddenly glad she was adopted; he didn't think he would be able to stand it if she looked like Tomoe.

He paused.

This little girl needed him. He was being selfish. He was the one that said he would care for her. Tomoe would not have wanted her to go to a foster home or an orphanage, he knew that much.

With this renewed confidence, Souichi grabbed the pink blanket that was draped over the arm of the couch, attempted to smooth it out on the floor in front of him, and laid the baby extremely gently on top.

Maya seemed slightly perturbed by the action but quieted enough to recognize her new surroundings and kick her legs experimentally. This new found freedom made her gurgle happily up at her uncle.

Souichi blinked in fascination at how quickly she had calmed down, sighing with relief. As her foot almost hit his arm with enthusiasm, he wondered if her feet were as soft as they looked. He curiously held one, her happy babbling growing louder. She liked that? He raised an eyebrow and grabbed the other foot, bringing the feet together and then apart, up and down…she loved it.

Of course Tetsuhiro would walk in at that moment.

Souichi jumped when the apartment door shut and he whipped his head around to glare at the intruder. Tetsuhiro stood very still, astonished at the scene that was before him, before his face broke out into a grin. Souichi narrowed his eyes, pink now settling across his face.

"What are you doing here? I thought you went to school." Souichi grumbled loudly as Tetsuhiro advanced towards them.

"I forgot some data on my laptop so I figured I would just…how are you two doing?" He asked, his grin growing wider.

"We're fine. Stop that smiling, it's creeping me out."

"I'm sorry Senpai it's just you look so-" Tetsuhiro froze in his sentence when an icy glare was sent his way. "What I meant was, it seems like you have everything under control."

"For now. It's only been like twenty minutes since you left."

"Yes but, you're doing well! I'm glad you are taking care of her Senpai, it's wonderful. Are you having fun Maya?" Tetsuhiro said softly and knelt down near her head. She craned her neck back a bit and reached a hand up in excitement as she recognized the arrival. Tetsuhiro smiled and wiggled her hands around, clapping them and kissing her fingers lightly.

"Well she's certainly happy enough. If you two are alright I'll just go and get the data and be off again. Bye-bye Maya. Be a good girl for your uncle." He said gently and pulled away from her hands. When she realized he was leaving, she started to fuss and he smiled before tickling the sides of her stomach.

The apartment was suddenly silent, save for the infectious sound of a babies laugh.

The two men froze and gazed at her in astonishment; they didn't know she could do that yet. The sound was lovely.

Tetsuhiro's grin returned to his face and glanced up to see if Souichi's reaction had been the same to find two eyes already staring back at him. The grin faded and his stomach did a violent flip as Souichi's eyes widened. Tetsuhiro sat still for a few moments and opened his mouth to speak when Souichi shot up.

"I have to…bathroom." Came the taut reply and Tetsuhiro was quickly left alone with Maya.

Whatever that had been, whatever had just crossed between them, he had never seen it before. It was new and exciting and he happily tapped Maya on the nose.

"Can you tell me what that was? Because I have no clue."

Maya mumbled around the hand in her mouth, as confused it seemed as Tetsuhiro.

* * *

><p>"Well gentlemen, your situation is looking very good thus far. I have to say I am impressed with the accommodations and Maya seems to be very happy. I don't normally do this but because of how well you are doing, my visits will be reduced to once a month. Do you have any questions for me?" She flipped her file shut and looked up to address them. When Souichi remained quiet, Tetsuhiro smiled and shook his head.<p>

"Not particularly."

"Alright. Now, how are you two coping? I notice Maya's crib is in your room." She said, her attention directed to Tetsuhiro. He laughed lightly and rubbed the back of his neck timidly.

"Yes well, since the…since then, I figured Senpai would need his sleep so it just seemed easier." Souichi glanced at his roommate, noting the exhausted lines around his eyes.

"I see. As long as you are okay with that then I don't see a problem. You seem to be quite responsible for your age, both of you do." She smiled warmly at the pair before adjusting her purse. "Well I'll be off gentlemen. See you in a month!"

Tetsuhiro waved her off and turned back towards Souichi. "That went well huh."

Souichi grumbled an acknowledgement and crossed his arms. She had caught them by surprise this time but the house had been respectable enough so it wasn't too stressful.

"Ah! Look at the time, I should be at school already. Will you…be alright Senpai?" He asked tentatively and received an additional glare.

"You don't have to ask me that every single day. I'm fine, Maya's fine, now go."

"Okay sorry. Are you, happy with her Senpai?" Souichi fought not to blush and instead picked a teddy bear up, throwing it in Tetsuhiro's general direction.

"Just go to school idiot."

* * *

><p>It had been almost three weeks since Maya had permanently entered their lives and although he had doubts about the situation at the beginning, Souichi could honestly say it was getting better. She was now on a solid schedule of eating and sleeping. She was also, thankfully, getting used to Souichi and Tetsuhiro as the people who would now care for her.<p>

Souichi held the purple ball in his hand and hovered it above Maya's outstretched hands. He was trying to put her down for her midday nap and Souichi found that if he calmed her while she was in her crib, she fell asleep more easily. Maya's fingers brushed the ball and she gurgled in content.

She had been really screaming the night before and Souichi had merely listened through his door. He felt like an absolute asshole. She was not Tetsuhiro's responsibility and after hearing his explanation as to why he had put the crib in his room, he felt even guiltier. Although he would never say so to his face, Souichi was so grateful to have his roommate around. He couldn't imagine doing this by himself.

While it was unlikely Morinaga would ever leave him, they weren't really connected in any other way at the moment apart from being roommates.

He blushed heavily.

Tetsuhiro hadn't tried _anything_ for almost a month. It was just...bizarre. He supposed he should be thankful for it but it just added to his confusion. Sure, he was probably keeping his distance because he knew Souichi was grieving. But surely even Tetsuhiro would grow tired of it at some point.

What if he woke up one day and realized he was young and could live his own life away from them, away from this huge responsibility.

He needed to put his mind to rest.

"Tried the teddy bear yet?" A low voice said from the doorway causing Souichi to yelp and flinch.

"Morinaga, what the fu-, what the _hell_ are you doing sneaking up on me like that? Idiot." Souichi said as loudly as he dared and threw the ball he had been holding at said roommate. Tetsuhiro caught it with a smile and shrugged his words away.

"I'm sorry. How was she today?"

"Fine but it's only noon. What are you doing back here so early?"

"I finished my experiment and paperwork early so I figured I would come on home to spend time with y—to spend time here." He finished lamely.

There was a brief silence after that. Tetsuhiro took the opportunity to put some of his things away and ended up next to Souichi, watching over the crib.

"We need to talk." Souichi said quietly.

Tetsuhiro's heart nearly stopped; that was never a good way to begin a conversation.

"O-okay Senpai…anything in particular?" He asked.

Souichi eyed him cautiously and made his way to the bed before dropping to a sitting position in front of it, his back resting against the mattress, arms resting on his knees. Tetsuhiro hesitated before mirroring Souichi.

"Are you…are you unhappy?"

Tetsuhiro blinked. He most certainly had not been expecting that.

"I…no of course not Senpai. I told you, I'm happier than I have been in years. Can I ask what makes you think so?"

"Well it's just…you're in school and I make you…I mean she's not your responsibility and her crib is even in your room for Christ's sake. You're exhausted, anyone can see that. She isn't yours…I should be caring for her by myself and you just…" His voice trailed off. Tetsuhiro sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh Senpai. How could you think…okay, I'll make this clear. It may be incredibly soon to be saying this but I love Maya. I already feel like she's a part of the family, of my family. I had a very lonely childhood and this situation is the closest I've come to having a family I love and loves me back. Do you understand?"

"…okay. But if you ever, I mean, if it's too much…"

"I'll tell you straight away." Tetsuhiro promises, hoping it will ease some of Souichi's worries. Souichi nodded stiffly, satisfied with the answer and leaned his head back so it rested against the mattress as well.

"Good."

Weeks of sleepless nights had finally caught up to him and Tetsuhiro couldn't help the yawn that escaped. Souichi had turned to glance at him and a flash of guilt swept his features.

"Take a nap." He suggested and Tetsuhiro smiled through the yawn. He went to stand to take him up on his advice when Maya began fussing in her crib, apparently not wanting to sleep when such an interesting conversation was happening in the same room.

"Hehe, I wish I could." Tetsuhiro mumbled and went to pick Maya up. He hummed in her ear, smoothing a hand over her head.

He chanced a glance at Souichi who was staring at him with a gaze warmer than he had anticipated.

Souichi gestured towards the bed.

"Lie down."

"Huh?"

"Just lie down idiot."

"I'm holding a baby, Senpai." He remarked, Souichi moving forward to take her from his arms. He gestured even more forcefully.

"Well? Do it."

Tetsuhiro was too tired to argue and slightly curious anyway so he obeyed and lowered himself onto his bed. He felt his muscles relax without his permission.

A warmth engulfed his left shoulder and his eyes snapped open. He turned to the side, Souichi lying next to him. Though Maya was nestled between them, it didn't make the gesture any less lovely.

Souichi glanced at his bedside partner and shifted his gaze shyly.

"I'm tired too. Now go to sleep…moron."

And Tetsuhiro found he could happily do so.


	6. Chapter Six

**Ease My Mind**_  
><em>

_Chapter Six  
><em>

Tetsuhiro frowned as he gradually came into consciousness: his legs were too hot. Softly groaning, he moved them a bit to relieve the warmth but found it merely followed his actions. He froze mid-stretch. Souichi's legs were entangled in his own, feet hooked underneath thighs, pressed up against one another in a strangely intimate position.

He lifted his head as much as he dared. From what he could see, Souichi's arm was thrown between himself and Maya slightly gripping her little t-shirt, his face buried in Tetsuhiro's pillow, hair strewn every which way,

"Mmmagoooo." Maya murmured happily when she realized one of her bed-mates was awake. She must have taken his gentle smile as permission to grab at his face and grip his nose. He let her for a few moments before pulling them away and kissing her fingers making her squeal in delight.

"Mmm…Morinaga shut her up." Souichi grumbled. Tetsuhiro's breath hitched; apparently Souichi hadn't conveniently forgotten he was there.

"Sorry Senpai, it's time to get up anyway, it's almost 5 o'clock." He watched as Souichi sighed heavily and reached blindly for Maya's other hand before opening his eyes. Tetsuhiro supposed Souichi hadn't really expected to be so close because his ears were turning pink.

"Did you sleep?" He asked, choosing to focus on Maya tugging his hand.

"I did Senpai, and it's all thanks to you."

"Yea well, you needed to sleep." Souichi grumbled and rubbed at his eyes. "We should take it in turns. The crib I mean."

"I suppose but it would be such a hassle dragging that thing every night."

"Well, there seems to be no other option."

Tetsuhiro wondered if Souichi had even realized just how close they were; perhaps his legs fell asleep and he hadn't noticed them yet.

"She's my responsibility; her crib will stay in my room from now on." Souichi said firmly and when Tetsuhiro opened his mouth in the beginnings of an argument he added, "No negotiation."

"Of course Senpai, whatever you feel would be the best."

Souichi nodded, looking satisfied that the decision had been made and moved to get up. His face turned bright red as he whipped his head around to Tetsuhiro.

"You…you…"

"We woke up like this Senpai. I didn't know you were so clingy in your sleep." Tetsuhiro said with a smile, knowing it would irritate him but too content to really care.

Souichi violently kicked his legs up and over the side of the bed, avoiding any contact with Maya but somehow hitting Testuhiro's shin in the process.

"Idiot. Don't expect me to help you again!"

Testuhiro laughed softly and shook his head as Souichi stomped from the room. "I'm going for a walk, don't wait up for me."

"When will daddy be home, I wonder, my little Maya?" He asked the baby softly as she nibbled on her toes. She flicked her eyes toward him in acknowledgement, murmuring around her feet which were far more interesting.

Tetsuhiro contemplated his own words. Was Souichi really a daddy now? Would 'dada' be Maya's first word? Would this little girl call him that as she grew?

A heavy ache weighed heavily and uncomfortably in his chest. If daddy would be Souichi's title, what was his going to be? Would he still be around by the time she was able to put two and two together and realize that Tetsuhiro wasn't her father at all?

He wanted to have a name. He wanted to have a title as Souichi did. He wanted a family and for Maya to call him a word that had meaning.

He kissed the top of her head with a burst of affection.

He didn't want her to forget him.

* * *

><p>When the keys finally slid into place and the doorknob at last turned, Souichi stumbled into the front room. He was almost alarmed with how light the room was compared to the outside world and cursed under his alcohol infused breath.<p>

He shut the door behind him, unaware how loud the sound would be.

"Senpai! Please, Maya is asleep. If you want to be loud like that…" Tetsuhiro said firmly, his voice kept low. He was standing rather stiffly, arms crossed, the disappointment practically engulfing the room.

Souichi scoffed at him. He didn't care, he could get stinking drunk if he wanted, he was a fucking adult.

"Fine, I'll be quieter. Now go get me some more beer, the cashier wouldn't let me write an IOU…asshole." He said and with the way his words were slurring it was a wonder Tetsuhiro could understand them at all.

"Forget it, I am not getting you beer, you've obviously had more than enough."

Souichi lifted his head from where it had been lolling against the back of the couch and narrowed his eyes.

"Idiot! I'm perfectly fine. Get me some more before I…I…punch you…or something."

Tetsuhiro never liked it when Souichi drank. Okay that wasn't entirely true, it was how they had first ended up together. But when Souichi drank like this, when he was so blinded by alcohol he couldn't see straight, it worried him. Especially now, especially in these circumstances. It was why he had hidden all the alcohol they did have weeks ago.

"Senpai, why did you get drunk?" Souichi stiffened slightly.

"Because I wanted to, idiot."

"But this was for a reason Senpai, don't deny it. You don't get this way, you don't drink this much when there wasn't something to trigger it." Testuhiro reasoned and waited for Souichi to remark. When he didn't, he continued, "Please Senpai. Please tell me."

Souichi remained silent. He lowered his head, feeling more sober than he had for a month now.

"I had forgotten. Today was…today was his birthday. I had forgotten my own brother's birthday. What the…what the fuck is wrong with me? He's been gone what, a month and I've already forgotten his fucking birthday? He was supposed to visit! He was supposed to bring that asshole with him and we were going to meet Maya and now…I can't…I can't do this." The words spilled out before his drunken mind could take them back. He really hadn't meant to reveal all of that; he was supposed to be able to deal with those things on his own.

Testuhiro approached and sat gingerly beside him.

"Senpai, you are a human being. Humans will forget things even when they are as important as Tomoe's birthday. It does not make you a bad person, do you understand? You have had to deal with so many changes, and I can only imagine the torture this has brought on. I'm sorry, I wish I could take your place Senpai. You don't deserve all of this."

Souichi was still staring vacantly in the direction of where Maya was sleeping.

"I don't wish it." Souichi said, his voice almost startling Tetsuhiro.

"Wish…what?"

"For you to take my place. No one deserves this and I wouldn't put it on anyone else."

Tetsuhiro breathed in sharply, surprisingly touched by this statement.

Without warning, Souichi began breathing heavily; heaving gulps of air with eyes that flit manically around the room. Tetsuhiro placed a hand on Souichi's arm and shook him roughly.

"Senpai! What's the matter? What's wrong? Senpai, please!"

Souichi shook the hand off and stood up, making anxious circles in the carpet.

"I have to…I can't deal with this…I need a drink…Morinaga…I need to forget…you don't understand…I need to." His words were broken and it was like he was trying desperately to get them out in a fashion Testuhiro would understand.

Testuhiro almost gave in at that point; anything to stop Souichi looking as brazen and out of sorts as he did at that moment. He wanted to see his Senpai again, not this person choking on his own pain and seeing the ghosts he had been avoiding before his eyes.

Tetsuhiro stood as well and grabbed at Souichi's arm for the second time that night. Though this time, Souichi not only wrenched it off but threw Tetsuhiro backwards in a sudden fit of rage.

"Stop! I don't need your pity!"

"How could you…this isn't pity! I'm trying to help you please Senpai." Tetsuhiro begged. Souichi's eyes were unfocused and confused; Tetsuhiro couldn't look at them.

When Souichi makes to leave, Tetsuhiro makes another desperate attempt at grasping Souichi's bicep. No sooner had he reached when his wrist is crushed and twisted behind his back, pulling until Testuhiro gasped in pain and surprise.

"Ahh! What..." Tetsuhiro cringes at Souichi's strength. "What are you doing, Senpai?"

"Trying to figure out how you think it's alright to stop me from doing what I want. What the hell do you care if I get drunk every once in a while? Why should you have the power to hide alcohol from me when I need and want it? I am a fucking adult! I can do whatever the hell I like so tell me where it is!"

"Because I love you Senpai! I don't want you to do things like this anymore. It…it scares me when you get like this. I just want what's best for you."

Tetsuhiro waits for the words to sink in and when they do, Souichi's hold eventually slackens. They're both breathing heavily and the sound echoes back to them in the quiet apartment.

When Souichi let his arm fall completely, Tetsuhiro turned. Souichi regarded him with wide eyes.

"I…I don't know why I did that."

"You were hurt Senpai." Tetsuhiro said quietly, trying not to break the fragile trust between them.

"I know but…I think I'll just go to bed." Souichi said, shame written on his face. Tetsuhiro hesitated before shifting to the side so he could pass in the hallway. Souichi kept his eyes trained on the carpet as he walked away.

"Please just..." Tetsuhiro began just as Souichi halted outside his bedroom door. "...promise me Senpai that when you have the urge to drink as you did tonight, come to me first."

Souichi gripped the door knob. "Fine."

Tetsuhiro rubbed at his wrist, not entirely sure if he wanted to erase the red marks that were left there.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Seven_

Souichi looked guilty and ashamed as he padded out of his room the next morning.

"Morning." He grumbled softly while heating a bottle for Maya who had blessedly slept through the night. Tetsuhiro was surprised Souichi had acknowledged him so quickly after the night before but smiled sleepily anyway.

"Good morning Senpai. Can you believe Maya is still asleep?"

Souichi regarded him with one eye open from his place at the table and rubbed at his temples. Testuhiro watched with sympathy and was just about to offer to go buy some medicine to help with the hangover when Souichi spoke.

"I'm sorry." The admission came out a mere grumble but the sincerity behind it was unmistakable.

"I…Senpai you have nothing to be sorry about."

Souichi shook his head.

"I do. I…I didn't…I mean when I…" Two hands fumbled with the long hair that swept his shoulder, pulling roughly as if the answer would tumble from his head.

"What Senpai?" Testuhiro asked, not really knowing what else to say. Souichi opened his eyes fully, settling on him with concern.

"I didn't…hurt you did I?" Testuhiro fought the urge to gape. _That_ was what Senpai was worried about?

"Oh Senpai of course not." He replied honestly. He didn't want Souichi to have to deal with the added guilt as well as the grief of his brother's death.

Souichi observed him, looking up and down as if assuring himself he was indeed telling the truth.

"Well, I'm sorry. I wasn't…thinking clearly last night."

"I know you weren't. You were hurt, I understand."

When Souichi continued to slump in his chair, Tetsuhiro seated himself across the table.

"What are your plans for the day?" Souichi shrugged and circled his index finger around the bottom of Maya's bottle.

"Matsuda keeps bugging me to bring Maya over so I'll go there for a bit."

"That sounds nice. Can…can I come along?" Souichi met his eyes for a moment before shrugging again.

"Sure, why not."

* * *

><p>Kanako greeted them by flinging the door open and squealing.<p>

"Hello Kanako." Tetsuhiro said, smiling warmly at her. She beamed and clapped her hands together.

"Hello Morinaga-san! Finally! I thought you would never visit! Nii-san let me hold her, please, please, please?" She begged and was rewarded with the baby being thrust into her arms as her brother stomped past.

"Come in Morinaga-san! Let's go to the living room alright?" Kanako exclaimed while cradling Maya as gently as she could.

Tetsuhiro obediently followed, wondering where Souichi had disappeared to when he was enveloped in a warm hug. Matsuda squeezed him tightly once and released him.

"Oh how we have all missed you three. Come in, come in!" She said, gesturing inside and leading him to the living room where Kanako had already pulled out her old toys and was alternating between them to get to one Maya liked.

Tetsuhiro smiled at the sight. "She's so good with her."

"Mmhmm. She is at that. So are you by the looks of it. She's such a happy baby!" Matsuda said warmly and Tetsuhiro turned slightly pink at the compliment.

They both took a seat on the couch when a pair of footsteps bound down the staircase. Soujin appeared at the doorway, hair frazzled and grinning wildly. If they didn't look so alike, Testuhiro would have a hard time believing Souichi was the product of this man.

Without a glance in his direction, Soujin hopped over to Maya and waved what looked to be a caterpillar toy in her face.

"My little Maya, look how gorgeous you are! And, what's this? Oh, I think it is, yes I believe so…it's a….Larva! Classified from the phylum Arthropoda and the order of Lepidoptera!" Soujin continued waving the toy around her head in circular motions.

Souichi finally appeared, grimacing at the sight before him and when he met Tetsuhiro's confused look he muttered, "Now you know why I hate all things insects."

"Oh stop it son, look she loves it!" Sure enough, Maya was reaching desperately for her new toy.

Souichi groaned and flopped down beside Testuhiro who looked on, trying to reign in his overwhelming happiness. He had never had this; a family atmosphere. Soujin singing with Kanako, Matsuda clapping along, and Souichi grumbling beside him: he couldn't think of anything more perfect.

* * *

><p>Maya fell asleep a few hours later, Kanako insisting she shouldn't be left alone. They had disappeared upstairs and when Tetsuhiro had gone to check, they were both curled up in Kanako's bed. He smiled and switched the light off before joining the four adults around the dining room table.<p>

Soujin was still in the middle of a story when he arrived, Matsuda setting a tea cup down in front of him. He sipped at it gratefully, thoroughly enjoying the sight of Souichi reddening before him.

"I mean it was getting ridiculously long and he would never let Hana tame it. Eventually we had drag him to a barber but god he was so upset. And look! He hasn't gotten it cut since!" Soujin exclaimed and unknowingly dodged a thrown biscuit as he stooped to drink his tea.

Tetsuhiro sniggered into his cup, noticing Matsuda doing the same. When they all quieted, Soujin turned towards Souichi.

"So, how does it feel to be a father Souichi?"

Souichi took his time to respond before saying rather quietly, "I…don't really feel like one yet."

"Hmmm, well that's understandable. It's been only a month as it is. Oh, speak of the devil." Soujin said as Kanako made her way down the staircase slowly with a sobbing Maya in her arms. She looked slightly frazzled and Tetsuhiro leapt up to take her; he tried to smile reassuringly.

"She's always grumpy when she wakes up Kanako. You have taken great care of her, thank you."

Kanako lit up, nodding enthusiastically.

"She's so cute, I love her!"

"She is an extremely cute baby for her age." Soujin agreed. He took a moment to quietly observe her and barked out a surprised laugh. "Now that I think about it, she could be yours! I mean light blonde hair, and those dark green eyes, why what a perfect combination for you two!"

Tetsuhiro and Souichi glanced at one another before both turning an alarming shade of red. Souichi launched into a fit while Tetsuhiro looked down, bidding away his smile.

He didn't want them to know that that had already occurred to him a month ago.

* * *

><p>Two weeks passed and for Tetsuhiro, it was blissfully quiet. Souichi had finally moved Maya's crib into his room and that first night Testuhiro slept for almost fourteen hours. Unfortunately it meant that Souichi had to learn and learn quickly as he was often left alone now.<p>

Tetsuhiro recalled one night when he had awoken a full minute before Maya had and helped Souichi feed her. It wasn't like he really needed help, but Tetsuhiro held the bottle for Maya anyway as she lay quietly in Souichi's arms. Souchi's sleepiness caught up with him and he wound up dozing on Tetsuhiro's shoulder. Tetsuhiro had frozen and didn't move until he was sure he saw specks of sunlight littering the wall in front of him.

* * *

><p>Tetsuhiro poured some Cheerios into his bowl and sat down next to Maya. At 5 months she was blessedly able to sit up on her own. The highchair had become her favorite place in the apartment; she pumped her legs excitedly at the prospect of food and wriggled just enough for the chair to squeak.<p>

He watched as she eagerly picked up the cereal two fingers at a time. The entire process was a slow one but when she succeeded in popping one into her mouth, it seemed the greatest achievement.

She had almost finished when Souichi emerged from his bedroom adorned in his school clothes.

"Good morning, Senpai!"

"Morning." Senpai greeted him with a yawn. "I forgot how annoying getting up for school can be."

Tetsuhiro chuckled softly at that and watched as Souichi made his way over to Maya', kneeling so he was eye level with her.

"What do you have here?" He inquired softly. Maya squirmed happily in her seat at the new arrival and carefully picked up a Cheerio before shoving it in the general direction of his mouth. Tetsuhiro's eyes widened as Souichi actually smiled and opened his mouth in order to receive the food. The gesture was so innocent and so beautiful that Tetsuhiro almost felt as if he was intruding.

When Maya was satisfied that he was fed, she went back to eating and Souichi stood upright again. He glanced over at the table and met Tetsuhiro's eyes, cheeks turning slightly pink.

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing Senpai, nothing." Tetsuhiro said quickly and drank the last of his milk as a distraction.

When Souichi was seated with a bowl of cereal of his own, Testuhiro asked, "Are you sure you're ready?"

Souichi rolled his eyes. "For the last time, yes."

"It's just, if you feel you need more time off then I'd be happy to…"

"I told you, I want to go back. Being cooped up here with, Ms_. I Only Sleep and Eat When I Want To_, is making me stir crazy." Souichi said. "I'm fine, really."

"Okay, Senpai. Only if you're sure."

Souchi flipped his wrist over to check the time.

"Alright I've got to go. I'll be back later."

Souichi bent to kiss the top of Maya's head, the movement natural and automatic. He waved in Tetsuhiro's general direction before heading for the door.

"Hey Senpai?" Souichi turned around slightly while checking his phone.

"What?"

"Where's my kiss?" Tetsuhiro watched eagerly as Souichi blushed, pocketed his phone, and slammed the door behind him.

Tetsuhiro smirked, almost certain he heard an "idiot" from the other side of the door.

* * *

><p>It had only been three days but so far their system had worked. Souichi would go to school one day and Tetsuhiro the next. That way, someone would always be there for Maya and the experiments wouldn't dissolve into nothing.<p>

Tetsuhiro was just slipping Maya into a fresh outfit when the sound of a key broke their relative silence.

It was Souichi returning home from school. It intrigued Tetsuhiro; before, Souichi would stay at school as long as he possibly could. Now it seemed he was finishing things at an alarmingly fast rate and getting home much sooner. Tetsuhiro was beginning to suspect he didn't like being away from Maya for too long.

Souichi dropped his backpack at the foot of the couch and casually strode over to where Tetsuhiro and Maya were. He sat cross legged near them, taking Maya's hand as she clumsily waved at him.

"You're home early, Senpai."

"Yes well, there wasn't a lot to do today."

"I see. Well, since you're home now and Maya has just woken up, we could eat lunch together." Tetsuhiro suggested and heard Souichi hum in agreement. "Do you…I mean you're probably tired but I thought it would be nice to go to the park and have a picnic."

"Sure, why not. But you're cooking."

* * *

><p>It took all of his willpower to focus on Maya chewing on her caterpillar toy and not concentrate on the small line of skin that peeked out just above Souichi's jeans. It wasn't his fault that Souichi thought it was a good idea to stretch out on the blanket and make all sorts of noises.<p>

Souichi was oblivious as usual and trying to coax Maya into taking another toy instead.

"Come on Maya. Anything but that." Maya watched him with wide eyes, mouth still attached to the toy in her hands. Souichi sighed. "I swear if she ends up like my old man…"

"Just because she likes the caterpillar doesn't mean she'll end up in the same occupation as your father. Besides, I don't see what's so bad about it."

"You won't be saying that when she's rattling on about the mating habits of dung beetles."

"So, what do you think she'll end up doing in life?"

"Obviously she'll be a genius and a researcher." Souichi said as if it was blatantly obvious.

"I'm sure, Senpai." Tetsuhiro said and drew in a breath, happy and sated in the afternoon sun. "I like this. Being here with you and Maya."

"You read too much into situations."

Tetsuhiro smiled broadly and ignored him. "I've never had something like this, a family you know. My real family they…well, I suppose you two are my real family now."

Souichi remained quiet and quite still. Tetsuhiro could see his eyes darting lazily from cloud to cloud before heaving a sigh and thrusting upwards into a sitting position. After a few stretches of his back, he hung his head forward and Testuhiro had to lean in to hear what he was mumbling.

"I wish he were here."

Tetsuhiro felt his throat close with emotion. "Oh Senpai."

"I just…I know you want me to discuss my _feelings_ or some shit like that but…all you need to know is that I miss him. And that…" He paused, considering his next words carefully, "it was like something inside me died that day. I know it sounds stupid but…" His voice trailed off.

"…like a void?" Tetsuhiro said softly and Souichi's head dipped a bit in affirmation.

Tetsuhiro felt helpless. Damning the consequences, he scooted a bit closer to his companion, sliding his hand over Souichi's warmer one. Souichi naturally whipped his head around with an angry glare, Tetsuhiro merely tightening his hold.

"Senpai…what do you think of-of Maya?"

"I…she doesn't fill it. That void. But…" He lifted his head slightly to look at her. She was rubbing her eyes in sleepiness and yawned as wide as her little mouth would stretch. "She's making her own place."

That was all Tetsuhiro needed to hear.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Eight_

"Make sure to get her first word too. Well I mean, it will be sort of tough to get it the first time I understand but...Oh and crawling, definitely crawling, even if it's just a roll or something...and if you miss her walking…" Kanako threatened with a point of the finger.

Her brother rolled his eyes.

"God, we get it. We'll record her every move."

Tetsuhiro stepped forward. "What Senpai means is, of course we will. Your email address is the same right?"

"Yep! Wow I…can't believe it's almost time to go," Kanako paused, her eyes sparkling with tears. The two men shifted awkwardly. "Oh my God, I'm going to miss you all so much!"

She launched herself at her brother first, receiving an awkward hug and a quick kiss on the top of her head in return.

"No boys. No make-up. No alcohol. No-," Souichi dead-panned.

"Nii-san!" Kanako rolled her eyes and turned to Matsuda, hugging her tightly.

Tetsuhiro raised a hand to wave when Kanako bounced up to him and squeezed him round the middle. He let out an 'oof' but returned the hug, enjoying the fact that Kanako hadn't hesitated. That she thought of him as part of the family.

"Is my little girl ready to embark?" A voice sounded from the direction of the house. Soujin climbed down the remainder of the stairs, Maya in his arms and joined the group.

"Yes father!"

Soujin sighed, taking a long look backwards into the house and then turned towards his children.

"Well…I suppose this is it. You take care of my other little girl for me son, you hear me?" Soujin declared, pointing a finger at Souichi.

"Quit it with the finger pointing, I get it old man." Souichi grumbled. Soujin kissed Maya's forehead half a dozen times before sliding her into Matsuda's awaiting arms and clasping onto his son.

Souichi allowed the contact for a few seconds before pushing him away gently. "You'd better be back to see her crawling."

"I will son, I will. And Morinaga-san…you take good care of my son as well."

"Old man!"

* * *

><p>Tetsuhiro watched Maya's chest rise and fall slowly, affection gripping his heart as she scrunched her nose in sleep. He was already deeply in love, which made it all the more painful as the conversation from the kitchen echoed up the stairs.<p>

"No."

"I'm just a bit concerned that's all. I know you don't-"

"No. Just…no."

"All I am saying is that she needs stability. If living with me provides that then it may be a good option."

"Matsuda please, I don't need this again."

"You've always been headstrong and stubborn but you have also never broken a promise. I know when you say you intend to raise Mya well you mean it, I'm just expressing my concern."

"You're expressing doubt. In me. In my abilities. I'm not an idiot, I can do this!"

"So far yes, you have been doing wonderfully. But you are also not alone. You have a roommate who has been going above and beyond what he should be and while I think it is incredible, he won't be around forever Souchi. You need to consider the future."

The silence that ensued was answer enough. Tetsuhiro's chest and throat felt tight as the words burned through his body. He stroked Maya's cheek, suddenly needing the contact.

He closed the door to Matsuda's bedroom quietly so as to not wake Maya from her nap and made his way to the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, Souichi's eyes immediately found his and skittered away. Tetsuhiro did his best to plaster a smile on his face.

"I think…I'd better go home. I have a bit of a headache. Thank you for the tea, I'll see you at home Senpai."

Souichi was rising from his chair as Tetsuhiro turned and backed away towards the front door.

"Morinaga…" He tried to call out but it was too late, Tetsuhiro had left without a backwards glance. Matsuda watched Souichi with unwavering concern.

"Perhaps the two of you need to talk. I could watch Maya for the night and you could pick her up tomorrow morning."

"Matsuda I can't just…"

"Oh but you can. You two need to sort some things out. Maya will be perfectly fine, I promise you."

Souichi hesitated but nodded all the same. It wasn't Maya he was worried about.

* * *

><p>Souichi burst noisily through the front door just as Tetsuhiro wavered outside his room. He looked out of breath, strands of his long hair had fallen out of his ponytail and were now clinging to the sweat on his forehead. Tetsuhiro wanted nothing more than to be alone with his thoughts but couldn't turn away; not when Souichi was looking at him with such concern.<p>

"Damn you walk fast. I've been trying to catch up to you."

Tetsuhiro sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry Senpai, I didn't know you had left too." A thought occurred to him. "Where's Maya?"

"Oh well, Matsuda _insisted_ we needed space so she's looking after her for the night." As he took in Tetsuhiro's surprised stare he cleared his throat, "To talk about…stuff"

"Right, of course."

He didn't think he'd have the energy for this conversation but it was the first time they'd really been alone since Maya and if this was happening anyway...

He obediently dropped down on the couch beside Souichi, now a tight knot of nerves.

"Is it true?" Souichi started. Tetsuhiro tilted his head. "What she said, is it true?"

Tetsuhiro clasped his hands together in his lap.

"Of course not. Senpai, I don't know how to get it across to you but, I will not leave you. I _love_ you, I won't leave unless you tell me to. I don't want to even-" _consider being without you. _He stopped. It wasn't the time to explore the depth of their relationship.

Souichi visibly relaxed at his words. But Tetsuhiro was still tense, on edge. He needed to know he was wanted. Perhaps not in the way he truly desired but just a confirmation.

"Senpai I…I need to know. Do you, I mean, do you want it to be true? If Maya wasn't here, would you still want me to live with you?"

"Idiot, what a stupid question." Souichi scoffed. Tetsuhiro didn't want it to be something brushed off. He angled his body so he was facing Souichi.

"Please Senpai, I need to know if I'm only here because you don't want to do this alone."

"You're such an idiot, seriously, we had already moved in when I got Maya. Your question is illogical."

"That may be so but…now that Maya's with us, do you want me here anymore?"

Souichi itched to move, to get up and delay this conversation. How could Tetsuhiro expect an answer when he didn't know himself?

He huffed in annoyance, hoping it masked some of the panic that simmered to the surface of his skin. If he said the wrong thing, Tetsuhiro could leave. There would be not assurance he could give where Souichi would, without a doubt, believe he'd stay.

He rose slightly in his seat, a clear sign that the conversation was over.

"Please Senpai, just one word."

Souichi faltered. There was something wrong in his voice and he turned to look at Tetsuhiro who stared back, features distorted in pain. Souichi blinked in surprise.

"Please."

Well, he supposed if it was this important to him...he could...

"…stay. I want you to stay." Souichi grumbled, trying to sound irritated. But Tetsuhiro's relieved smile and dimpled cheeks cracked something inside him and he could feel his ears redden at the attention. "But you already knew that idiot."

Souichi really should have expected it but he was still surprised when Tetsuhiro's upper body connected with his own in a fierce hug.

He put on a struggle as was expected but allowed Testuhiro to cling. It wasn't because he was craving physical contact. It wasn't.

It was supposed to be a simple show of affection, but Tetsuhiro felt so content, their bodies meeting after so long. He wondered if he should back off, but Souichi wasn't moving anymore and if he allowed the contact, was it a problem? But he had swore to himself if Souichi was uncomfortable, he would stop. Just as the thought occurred to him and just as he began to lean backwards, a pair of arms twined their way around his lower back.

"Thank you Senpai. Thank you." He breathed out. Souichi tensed in his arms but didn't move away.

"For what?" Souichi asked, words mumbled where his mouth was obscured by Tetsuhiro's shirt. A hand traveled down Souichi's back soothingly, warm and firm.

"For being honest and telling me the truth. I do love you Senpai," Because he felt it needed to be said, to have Souichi know as often as he could. Tetsuhiro lowered his head in order to bury his nose further into the warm shoulder. His ear heated almost instantly and he tilted his gaze to the side, observing Souichi's flushing ear with surprise.

It had happened before, Souichi readily enjoying his closeness. He supposed everyone needed some physical affection once in a while. He didn't want to project his feelings onto Souichi anymore but, he could swear Souichi's breathing was faster than normal and his body was leaning ever so slightly into his touch.

Tetsuhiro kissed the lobe of his ear before his mind could tell him to stop.

Souichi hissed, in neither surprise nor want. Tetsuhiro did it again, and again, and finally sunk his teeth into the soft skin. He coupled it with firm hands keeping their upper bodies close, traveling up and down and trailing his rib cage.

He wormed fingers into long strands of hair, scraping gently where he knew was sensitive. There was no mistaking Souichi's breathing now. More importantly, there was no move to stop. Tetsuhiro tugged where his hand still stroked through Souichi's hair until their faces aligned and mouths automatically sought each other.

Tetsuhiro liked to think he was in control of his body but whenever it came to Souichi, it just decided not to cooperate with his brain. So though he felt the murmurs of breathless protest against his mouth and the hands that clung to his shirt pushing with the slightest pressure, it didn't register as a reason to slow or stop. He thrust his tongue into Souichi's mouth on instinct, feeling the moan around his mouth before hearing it and then they were slowly becoming vertical and it was hot and every inch of his skin was tingling.

He moved so his knees were on either side of Souichi's hips, hovering slightly over him and attacked the chords protruding from his pale neck.

Souichi groaned, gasping as Tetsuhiro bit and sucked gently on the bruises he was making. He had closed his eyes long ago, falling into the familiar sensations of Tetsuhiro above him. He should put a stop to it, this wasn't how it was meant to go tonight.

"Mmmm…no…sto-stop…" He protested. Even to his own ears it sounded broken and hardly convincing but he shivered as cool air replaced the warm heat that had trapped him. Tetsuhiro stared at him with wide and fearful eyes.

"Senpai I…I am so sorry…I don't know what came over me…God I'm so…I'm sorry Senpai really." Tetsuhiro stumbled, his hands removing themselves from the various parts of Souichi's body.

Souichi's eyebrows knit together. "What's…wrong?" Immediately regretting the question as Tetsuhiro paused in his attempt to move off the couch to stare at him in confusion.

"I…Senpai surely you don't want this." Souichi's lips parted and his eyes flicked away, unable to hold the stare anymore. Tetsuhiro sighed while running a hand through his already messy hair. "It's just, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't push you until you were ready. Until, well until you initiated it first which I know is something that will never happen but…I just don't want you to resent me."

Souichi frowned. He didn't like the guilty look on Tetsuhiro's flushed face. He didn't like the fact that though the words were sweet and caring, he was too distracted by their hips where they were still pressed together and if he concentrated enough, he could feel them both through the denim of their jeans.

Tetushiro cast one last look his way, guilty and ashamed, and made to move off him. Souichi bit his lip. He was lonely, stressed, starved of contact and all these reasons he would turn to in the morning but in that moment all he could think of was Tetsuhiro's mouth and skillful fingers gripping at the roots of his hair and he had to do something or-

"…stay."

The admission froze Tetsuhiro halfway out of his lap. Souichi's face heated as the moment dragged on and he opened his mouth to take it back, to escape to his room, when Tetsuhiro groaned and glued their bodies together, claiming his mouth in a messy kiss.

Tetsuhiro hadn't forgotten, not really. But his fingers greedily traced the angles of Souichi's body as they had done the first time they'd come together. He tried to memorize any sensation he could, canting his hips forward until Souichi let out a strangled cry.

His hand slipped down between their bodies and fumbled with Souichi's zipper, hearing the ragged breathing in his ear increase with anticipation.

With a final suck to Souichi's lower lip, Tetsuhiro used shaking arms to pull himself up. Whether he was conscious of it or not, Souichi's legs had fallen open, his hair was splayed across the pillow of the couch, and his glasses had fallen off sometime earlier.

But something about the way his eyes were screwed shut and hands blindly reaching for him made his stomach clench unpleasantly. Souichi wanted to forget, to be distracted. It didn't matter that it was Tetsuhiro.

He was happy to do whatever Souichi wanted even when his heart felt like it was too tight in his chest.

Resigned, he pulled Souichi's jeans and underwear down, shifting backwards and before Souichi could register, bent closer and blew the tip of Souchi with a warm puff of air.

Souichi threw his head back with a gasp, arching into the sensation when he felt a pair of lips completely engulf him.

"Ahh!" It was just what he needed. His body felt lost and alive, humming with the kind of heat that made every muscle melt. His brain went blissfully silent except for the part that screamed for more and faster and _more_.

Tetsuhiro slid his tongue over Souichi's slit, worked his mouth up and down slowly, a hand finding his hair and gripping in a silent plea. He trailed a path from the inside of Souichi's trembling thigh, to his balls, rolling them slightly with his fingers. He did what he could to urge him closer, to give Souichi what he wanted as quickly as he could.

The added pressure, the breathy cries above him, the hand clenching so tightly his own eyes water, all indicated Souichi was close and then Souichi shattered before him with a low groan.

When the stars had cleared from behind his eyes and his body thrummed with regret as well as satisfaction, he desperately beat back as reality forced its way into his mind. _Shit_.

Souichi peeked under heavy eyelids, half-expecting Tetsuhiro to be unzipping his own jeans.

But Tetsuhiro wasn't even _looking_ at him anymore. He stared down at his own hands, his eyes shadowed and complicated and distinctly _sad_.

Souichi swallowed thickly.

"Morinaga…I…" Souichi started, needing to fill the silence. Tetsuhiro snapped his eyes up, a smile forcing its way across his face.

"You seem tired Senpai, I'll get you a blanket."

"What…but…" Souichi stuttered as once again he was left to feel the cool air replace the warmth of a body. A soft blanket was thrown over him and he watched, confused, as Tetsuhiro went about turning out the lights in the living room.

"Night Senpai." Tetsuhiro said quietly. Left in the dark, Souichi pulled the blanket a little closer under his chin. This was what he has wanted...right?


	9. Chapter Nine

**Ease My Mind_  
><em>**

_Chapter Nine_

Over the coming weeks, Maya monopolized Souichi's hair. It began with a few experimental tugs to his scalp, Souichi or Tetsuhiro gently removing her fingers with a kiss. But then came the chewing, stuffing handfuls into her mouth. Souichi tied it back as often as possible to try to put a stop to it. She became visibly frustrated whenever he held her, grabbing at his shoulders where she believed the hair to be.

She cried and whined and no amount of baby books Tetsuhiro consumed allayed her woes. Souichi put her to bed one night while she wailed and let some strands drip into the crib. She blinked up at him with tears in her eyes and clutched at them, falling asleep almost instantly.

It was a part of him Maya loved and so he resigned to leaving it down.

Of course Tetsuhiro was happy that the pair grew closer each day. But he felt envious when he watched them together.

He knew that Maya loved him as well, often making grabby hands at him as he came into the apartment after a day at school. She liked to bury her face in his chest as she drifted off to sleep. It was those tiny moments when he felt needed, wanted.

But Maya and Souichi were bonded and connected in a way Tetsuhiro could not reach. As much as he felt at home with the two of them, no matter how much space they occupied in his heart, he was an outsider. Souichi was her legal guardian. He had no claim over her. If Souichi, one day, decided to up and leave there was nothing he could do to stop him.

Souichi had done nothing to allay his fears. Perhaps he had asked him to stay while his emotions were running high and he was desperate for distraction. But the question he had been to fearful to ask, the one that haunted him while he slept at night, was for how long?

The morning _after, _neither seemed willing to broach the subject again. Tetsuhiro dutifully ignored Souichi's furtive, nervous glances and he in turn willed himself to pretend that nothing had changed.

But inside the privy of his thoughts, Souichi couldn't forget. That night he had looked into Tetsuhiro's green eyes and seen pity. He saw hurt. He couldn't understand what Tetsuhiro wanted anymore and it made him incredibly uneasy.

Tetsuhiro had said himself he was holding back for Souichi, until he'd stop grieving.

'Perhaps I can get him off my back for good if I say I'm never going to be ready', Souichi mused a week later as he sleepily grabbed a cup to pour his coffee into.

The cup clanged heavily to the counter as the thought made his stomach clench, shoulders sagging.

'Fuck', he thought, dropping into a seat at the table. Why did that seem wrong all of a sudden? Shouldn't he _want _Morinaga off his back?

He could feel his temples throb as the beginnings of a headache accompanied his thoughts.

"Morning Senpai!" Tetsuhiro chirped as he made his way into the living room.

"Yea." Souichi grumbled. Tetsuhiro occupied a space in front of the coffee machine. He looked over his shoulder and sent him an affectionate, genuine smile.

"How did you sleep?" He asked, pouring himself a cup.

"Eh. Why are you up so early?"

"Well I could ask you the same thing." Tetsuhiro turned slightly, catching Souichi's eye and winking playfully.

"Had a headache." Tetsuhiro's smile instantly fell.

"Oh I'm sorry, Senpai. Is it still bothering you?"

"No, I'm fine." Souichi lied as he stared intently into his cup. He didn't need Tetsuhiro worrying about him any more than he already was.

"Well that's good I'm glad." Tetsuhiro answered, taking a seat across from Souichi and beaming at him before sipping his coffee.

"You didn't answer my question as to why you're up so early."

"Ah well, Professor Fukushima wanted to meet me a little earlier. I suppose he wants to discuss our latest experiment."

"Doubt it, why wouldn't I be invited?"

"Hmm, good point Senpai. Ah, I have to leave. Maya didn't get a nap yesterday so could you make sure she does today?"

"Yea, yea."

"Alright Senpai, have fun today!"

Souichi watched Tetsuhiro bounce up and out the door with a wave. He _seemed_ happier at least. Maya's cries reached him and he put his thoughts aside.

* * *

><p><em>A job?<em>

"Morinaga-san?"

"I'm sorry I…I'm just in a bit of shock."

Professor Fukushima steepled his fingers and regarded Tetsuhiro with confusion.

"I'm getting the impression this isn't what you wanted to hear today." Tetsuhiro could feel his cheeks redden under the scrutiny and ducked his head.

"I'm sorry Professor, I feel I'm being extremely rude. I just…my situation here it's…well it will be difficult to leave."

"No one is going to pressure into something you don't feel you are ready for. However, this job is extremely rare for someone as young as yourself. This is not a decision to be taken lightly I'm sure you understand."

"Of course, sir."

Fukushima launched into the job description and he nodded along dutifully. There was a button missing on the cuff of his shirt that captured his attention. Maya had ripped it off a few days before but he hadn't had the time to sew it back on.

He stared at it until Professor Fukushima ushered him out of the office with a congratulatory handshake.

Once back in the lab, he dropped into the nearest chair.

His cell phone broke the relative silence, making him jump. He squinted at the caller ID.

_M-Masaki?_

* * *

><p>"Come on Maya, it isn't <em>that<em> bad." Souichi reasoned as Maya continued staring at him in disbelief. The mushed peas he had scooped up was slipping off the spoon as he tried to aim for her closed mouth. She twisted her head to the side, making little whimpering noises.

"Oh for…Maya, if you don't eat this then Morinaga will blame me. How come you always eat this crap for him?" He asked gathering more onto the spoon and examining it. It didn't even look like peas.

"Look, I'll prove that it's not gross." Souichi said, slipping the spoon into his mouth.

He swallowed with difficulty, attempting a smile but Maya pushed at his arm with a whine. He sighed, she was too smart for her own good.

"Alright you win. But you better eat this quickly or I'll get in trouble." Souichi said as he produced the pudding he'd been saving for after dinner. She wiggled as he fed her, babbling happily around the chocolate.

They both jumped as the front door banged open.

"Uh these were her dessert I didn't…" Souichi started hastily but broke off when he caught sight of Tetsuhiro. He was panting, his skin gleamed with sweat, his cell phone clutched tightly in his fingers, and he was very pale.

"It's my brother. He, he's in the hospital. Masaki called. Senpai what do I do? I can't just…my parents won't go to see him…Senpai…Kunihiro." Tetsuhiro breathed, his voice cracking. There was concern etching the corners of his mouth and eyes. Souichi quickly stood and propelled Tetsuhiro to the couch, pushing him into a seated position.

"Ok, start again. Kunihiro's in the hospital. What for?"

"I don't even know! Masaki was crying he...I couldn't understand much. He just said he was going into surgery I…I didn't even know he was sick or if it was an emergency." He paused to rub his eyes where a few tears had escaped. "I have to go to him. Get a plane, bus, whatever."

"Alright, you go check flights and I'll get Maya ready."

"Maya…you're coming with me Senpai?"

"You were with me for Tomoe."

* * *

><p>By the time they were in the air and above the clouds, it was five in the morning and drizzling. Maya, too tiny to have a seat of her own, was curled up in Souichi's arms with her head resting on the two pillows between them and a blanket tangled in her legs. Souichi had joined her, shifting slightly in his sleep to a more comfortable position.<p>

"Did you hear me Tetsuhiro?" A voice sounded in his ear and he shook his head, having been too busy staring at his companion.

"Oh, I'm sorry Masaki-san, I was distracted, what did you say?"

"I said I'm not taking no for an answer. You are staying at our place and that's final."

"Masaki-san I don't think…"

"Nope, not listening. If I dragged you all the way here I am going to provide accommodation."

"I'm grateful Masaki, I am, but Senpai he…I'm not sure he'll be all that happy about the situation." Tetsuhiro dropped his voice slightly even though Souichi was sound asleep.

"Look, I don't plan on going home while he's in hospital so you two will have the place to yourselves." Masaki paused before adding, "Kunihiro would want it. Please."

"Alright, we will, thank you Masaki. Listen, I have to go. I'll call you when we land okay?"

"Of course Tetsuhiro, I'll see you soon."

He sighed and hit the end button lightly, shifting so as to lie his head on Souichi's warm shoulder.

Thankfully, his dreams were empty.

* * *

><p>Souichi had been uncharacteristically gentle with Tetsuhiro since they'd departed, offering to carry Maya and the luggage, and being very quiet when he spoke to Masaki over the phone.<p>

But when the nurse at the desk told them that she was 'too busy' to offer directions to where Kunihiro was having his surgery, more than a few doctors and patients stopped to watch Souichi throw a tantrum.

"Complete morons...," Souichi grumbled a few minutes later as they followed a nurse who had offered to escort them. Tetsuhiro trailed behind him, smiling lightly, happy that his Souichi was back to normal.

"I understand he's in surgery at the moment. This is the waiting room. His doctor will be coming through those doors over there." The nurse said, eyeing Souichi warily. Tetsuhiro smiled at her warmly and thanked her before she hurried off.

"Well I suppose we can just-" Tetsuhiro started before a clanging sound made him turn around.

"Tetushiro!" Masaki exclaimed as he bypassed the spilled coffee he had been holding and throwing himself into Tetsuhiro's arms.

"Masaki-san!" Tetsuhiro squeaked, the hug tighter than he was expecting.

When Masaki finally released him he clasped his hands on his upper arms and squeezed affectionately.

"I missed you so much." He grinned and Tetsuhiro found himself nodding along. Masaki glanced backwards at the mess and chuckled nervously. "Oh hehe, sorry I got a little over-excited. I'm just glad you came."

"Me too. How's my brother?" Tetsuhiro asked eagerly.

"His bowel ruptured apparently. I didn't get all of what the doctor said because I was so worried but at the moment they're removing some of his intestines." Relief flooded him, that didn't sound as bad as what he was picturing.

"But he'll be okay?"

"Oh yea, he should be fine in a couple weeks. I'm sorry for being so frantic over the phone. I just had no one to…your parents weren't exactly ecstatic about our relationship…" Masaki started and scratched the back of his neck in a nervous tick. His eyes flicked up, spotting Souichi behind him.

"Oh I'm sorry, it's nice to see you again…" Masaki started, hand out-reached towards Souichi.

"Souichi." He stated, taking his hand and releasing it not a second later.

"Right, Souichi. And who's this little princess?" Masaki bent down to be at eye level with Maya in her carrier. She tilted her head to the side at the new acquaintance while chewing her caterpillar.

"This is Senpai's niece Maya." Tetsuhiro elaborated and was relieved Masaki knew not to question it further.

"Well she's precious. Hello there Maya." Masaki said cheerfully, extending his fingers to her so she could grasp onto them. She seemed to hesitate before taking one of them and then immediately dropping it. Souichi coughed into his hand, shooting her an amused glance.

It didn't deter Masaki who was practically glowing at the attention and insisted on holding her. While Tetsuhiro was unbuckling her, Souichi grumbled he was going to get more coffee.

"Want to explain?" Masaki asked gently when Souichi had disappeared. Tetsuhiro sighed, sitting down and bouncing Maya on his knee.

"Senpai's brother Tomoe, Maya's adoptive father, was struck by a car about a month ago. He and his husband both died later on in the hospital and seeing as his husband's family is a bit…uhhh…eccentric and with Tomoe's father always away for work, Senpai was named as guardian. It's been…very difficult." Morinaga said, tucking a piece of curled, blond hair behind Maya's ear.

Masaki shook his head slowly. "That's just…completely awful. How has he been?"

"After it happened he was devastated. He didn't leave his room for a week, was silent all the time. But after Maya…I mean she was just such a gift ya know? They've really bonded and of course nothing will replace his brother but Maya is just, she's amazing. I think he's happy…well happier."

Masaki bit his lip before asking, "And how are you?"

Tetsuhiro shrugged.

"It can get a bit stressful with a baby and school but Senpai's really helping out now and we've got a system and everything. Honestly I'm happier than I have been in a very long time." Testuhiro said, a smile working its way across his face.

"I bet you make a great dad." Masaki said quietly and Tetsuhiro blushed at the compliment.

"Thank you for coming it…it really means a lot."

"Of course. I would never just abandon my brother like that."

"I know you wouldn't." Masaki said. They smiled at one another. It felt familiar and warm to be with Masaki again. He had always had a way of calming him with kind eyes and a smile.

When he looked away and towards the swinging doors again, he almost jumped when he saw Souichi standing in the doorway. He held two cups and eyed the pair angrily. Tetsuhiro cleared his throat nervously and accepted the coffee that was thrust into his hand while balancing Maya in the other.

"Thank you Senpai." He said quickly and as Souichi flopped down into the chair next to him, glaring at the wall.

Fortunately for Tetsuhiro, the incredibly awkward silence that ensued was broken as Maya yawned.

"Must be way past her bed time." Masaki offered and Tetsuhiro nodded.

"She slept a bit on the plane but…"

"Why don't we head to my place with Maya?" At Masaki's words, Souichi's head whipped around.

Tetsuhiro winced at the oncoming argument he saw on Souichi's face and began putting Maya into her carrier again.

"If you don't mind, I really want to stay here. Just in case Kunihiro's finished early." He said, watching Souichi's face melt a little with relief.

Masaki shrugged.

"That's fine. Souichi and I can go home then and I'll come back when they've settled in a bit."

They both looked at Souichi who glanced between them, the muscles in his jaw jumping, before nodding shortly. He picked up Maya's carrier in one hand and made his way towards the hallway without glancing back.

"Never one for words is he that one." Masaki remarked.

Tetsuhiro rolled his eyes, smiling at Souichi's back.

"You don't know the half of it."


	10. Chapter Ten

**Ease My Mind**

_Chapter Ten**  
><strong>_

Under pain of death, torture and other equally evil things, Souchi would never admit that he actually _liked_ Masaki and Kunihiro's apartment. It was spacious but not obscenely huge, the décor was much like their own apartment but with slightly more expensive pieces and furniture, and it was very open with light streaming in through many windows.

Of course, Masaki didn't have to know he liked it so he folded his arms and grunted in what he hoped was an indifferent sound.

Masaki didn't seem deterred in the least and opened his arms in welcome as he strode towards the kitchen.

"Well this is it. Feel free to use anything, I want you two…three to feel comfortable." He said cheerfully and waited until Souchi was following him before opening a door to his left.

"We only have two bedrooms unfortunately seeing as we don't get too many guests." Masaki explained as he let Souchi peek into the room he had revealed.

It was pretty plain but tasteful and also light and airy; _much like this bastard, _Souchi thought snidely. "This here is the guest room which you and Mya can use and the one down the hall is ours which I thought Morinaga would want to use." Souchi's feet halted of their own accord and his stomach churned for what seemed like the 20th time since arriving. The thought of Morinaga sleeping in the room Masaki stayed in did not sit well with him. He could practically hear his brain convincing itself not to be irritated, that there was absolutely no reason to be annoyed, but he couldn't deny the quiet fury that crept up.

"Oh and one of my neighbors has a 3 year old son so they must have a crib we can borrow for a bit. I'll go and get that now; again feel free to use anything you like!" Masaki said, startling Souchi out of his thoughts and made his way to the front door.

Souchi followed him, casting one more glare at their innocent bedroom door, and tried to quell his irritation. Masaki did say he didn't plan to come home that night but what if the hospital sent him home? Would he respect Morinaga and Kunihiro enough to sleep on the couch or would he just crawl into bed with Morinaga under the pretense he needed comfort? Souchi didn't know the bastard well enough to be sure but he didn't like the idea one bit judging from his past.

The couch he passed as he made to follow Masaki looked incredibly inviting and he wanted desperately to sink down into it. But he felt compelled suddenly to say something, anything.

"Thanks." He muttered before Masaki had closed the door completely. The door stopped moving, and after a moment it opened again to reveal Masaki's smiling face.

"You know Souchi, I may have gotten the wrong impression from you. Tetsuhiro was right, you are kind deep down."

Souchi rolled his eyes and snorted.

"Whatever. That moron thinks everyone is good deep down."

"But he doesn't love everyone now does he." Masaki said and ignored the surprised sputter from the man clenching and unclenching his fists. "I want you to know Souchi, that while I do love Tetsuhiro, I'm not in love with him. His brother holds that place in my heart, so don't worry about it."

Souchi definitely did not blush.

"W-what? Who said I was the least bit worried about that?" Even in his own mind he sounded too angry; if it wasn't true than why was he denying it so vehemently? Souchi wanted someone to take that stupidly purple vase from across the room and knock him out with it. At least then he wouldn't have to keep questioning his own actions.

Masaki tilted his head in something akin to sympathy and said, "No one had to say it Souchi. It's written all over your face." Masaki watched Souchi's head tip upwards slightly, not missing the flicker of doubt that had entered his eyes. "I'll be back in a bit."

* * *

><p>Morinaga had been thumbing through a magazine, not really digesting any of the information, when Masaki returned. They greeted one another, settled in the plastic seats and ate the snacks Masaki had brought seeing as they had no clue how long the wait would be.<p>

It wasn't until almost an hour later when Morinaga was fighting to stay alert that Masaki laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You should really go back to the apartment and rest."

Morinaga shook his head and presented what he hoped was an easy smile.

"No, I'm fine. I don't mind waiting." Morinaga reassured. Masaki nodded a bit before eyeing Morinaga curiously. Morinaga's eyes flitted from side to side at the sudden attention and laughed nervously.

"Uhh, what is it?"

_No use in dancing around the issue_. "Has Souchi come to his senses yet?"

Masaki looked faintly amused as he calmly hit his friends back when he began to choke on a peanut he had been eating. When his throat had cleared and he had waved away the concerned nurses passing through, Morinaga looked at Masaki with a bewildered expression.

"W-what?"

Masaki shrugged, "I just got a weird vibe from him back at the apartment. It's like he thinks I'm still a threat."

Morinaga tried to will away the faint pink that rose to his face at the prospect of his Senpai being jealous. He knew it was too good to be true so he settled for something neutral.

"That's just Senpai being protective." He said, knowing how true those words probably were and promptly ignored the ache that had settled in the vicinity of his chest.

"Is it?"

Morinaga sighed heavily, beginning to feel irritation at Masaki's inquisition.

"What are you getting at Masaki?"

Masaki shrugged again and said with a slight smirk, "May have just been me but he seemed sort of jealous."

Morinaga shook his head, crumpling his empty peanut packet in his fist. "Senpai doesn't get jealous; he get's annoyed."

"Do you…think he'll ever come around?"

Slightly surprised at how quickly Masaki was throwing out questions, it took Morinaga a little longer to respond.

"It's…complicated Masaki. What's with the interrogation?" Morinaga snapped and felt slightly guilty when Masaki's face fell a bit. "I only meant…"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to come on so strong I just…want you to be happy Tetsuhiro, I've always wanted that." Masaki said quietly and turned to lock eyes with his friend. Morinaga could see the empathy in his gaze and tried to smile a bit.

"Same to you. And I'm so glad my brother can make you happy." Morinaga said honestly but couldn't stop the rush of envy he felt as he caught sight of the faraway look Masaki adopted when thinking of his partner. He wanted to be able to openly do that.

"He does, he really does."

The pair sat in relative silence, watching a new family of three make their way happily towards the exit. Morinaga wanted that badly too.

"I…I wish with all my heart that one day he might acknowledge what we are. I love him so much and it hurts that he really has no idea how desperately I want him to feel anything like it for me. But realistically I don't think it will happen." Morinaga said and was pleasantly surprised that speaking aloud didn't hurt as much as he thought. He was thankful Masaki was happy to listen because he could feel all his woes begin to bubble to the surface.

"Have you ever considered something unrealistic? Something dramatic…an ultimatum?" Masaki suggested and he saw Morinaga fiddle with his fingers nervously.

"Hehe, no that would probably anger him more so than usual. He doesn't like being put on the spot."

Masaki nodded. "Well no one does, but he's a special case. It seems like the only way for him to realize his feelings is for you to give him no choice."

This was it, the part of the conversation he had been keeping a secret for too long.

"I…" Morinaga started and swallowed before saying quietly, "I was offered a job."

Masaki rounded on his friend, excitement clear in his eyes. "What? That's…that's fantastic Tetsuhiro! Congratulations! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He paused in his congratulations to take in Morinaga's face: he couldn't look more miserable if he tried. "Oh, Souchi doesn't know."

Morinaga shook his head, taking a shaky breath.

"And it's killing me. It's so far away and I wouldn't be able to commute, I'd have to move there and I wouldn't see Senpai at all or Mya or…", Morinaga said exasperatedly, moving his hands about in a distressed fashion.

It was clear this was something Morinaga had been holding in for too long and the result was this, a broken man trying to make sense of a rather impossible situation. But Masaki had been there, he knew that Morinaga needed to step up otherwise there would never be any sort of closure.

He chanced laying a hand on his friends. Morinaga flinched at the contact momentarily before finally looking at Masaki.

"Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is the ultimatum you two need." Masaki said in as soft a tone he could muster. Something in Morinaga's eyes changed and he forced air into his lungs, attempting to calm his slight hysteria.

"I…he wouldn't come with me. He wants to finish his degree and I guess moving with me would cement our relationship. That would definitely scare him." Morinaga reasoned, moving his hands so that they were covering his eyes and dropping Masaki's in the process. Masaki frowned; he was so used to Morinaga being light and cheerful that this side slightly scared him.

"I want you to be happy so badly Tetsuhiro."

Morinaga nodded and removed his hands, his eyes slightly red from the pressure. He smiled sadly at Masaki.

"I know and I am happy, really. Not as happy as I could be but I'm getting to the point of accepting Senpai and my relationship." Masaki opened his mouth to argue his point further, unwilling to let this slide when it was obviously so important, but a voice cleared to his left and he jumped from his seat.

A rather stern looking doctor in a crisp, white coat was looking at the pair with a rather confused expression gracing his face. Perhaps he had heard the tail end of their conversation.

"Are you two gentlemen here for Kunihiro Morinaga?" They both nodded but it was Morinaga who stepped around Masaki to address the doctor.

"Yes. I'm his brother, how did it go?"

"Extremely well. He's in recovery at the moment; the anesthesia will wear off eventually but it could be up to 6 hours until he's coherent. You can visit him if you'd like."

Twin sighs of relief sounded and they both chuckled nervously.

"Thank you so much doctor." Masaki said, gratitude evident in his tone as well as pure relief. The doctor gave a small smile, this obviously being a perk to the job, and pointed them in the direction of where Kunihiro was before leaving.

"I think I'll go visit him for a bit in case he wakes up. Tetsuhiro, please go home and get some sleep. I'll call if anything happens I promise but you need to rest." For a moment it seemed like Morinaga was going to argue, but his shoulders sagged under obvious exhaustion and nodded.

"Thank you, I think I will."

As Morinaga gathered his things to depart, Masaki lightly touched his shoulder and hoped his expression was one of support.

"And just…think about what I said."

* * *

><p>Souchi shut the door to the guest room as quietly as he could manage. Mya was asleep on the other side after about an hour of rocking her to sleep and Souchi was not about to risk her waking up.<p>

Just as he was making his way to the kitchen to start cleaning the bottle he was clutching, there was a soft knock on the front door. Souchi made his way over, peering through the door's peep hole and let out a relieved sigh.

Morinaga didn't look upset or devastated, just sleepy and Souchi would never admit how happy that made him.

A tired smile greeted him as he let Morinaga inside.

"I didn't wake you did I Senpai?" Morinaga asked, yawning slightly.

"No. How's your brother?" Souchi asked immediately.

They both sat side by side on the insanely comfortable couch, slightly angled towards one another. Souchi placed the bottle he was holding on the coffee table, and clasped his hands together awaiting Morinaga's response.

Morinaga retained his sleepy smile as he spoke. "The surgery went well and he should be just fine tomorrow."

"Good that's…good." White hot relief settled into Souchi's system and he leaned back, some of the weight he had been bearing leaving him.

Souchi glanced over at his partner to see he was already gazing at him. He knew that face; eyelids opening and closing slowly, a soft tightlipped smile with no visible teeth, head slightly tilted…Morinaga was going to say something that would make Souchi's insides squirm uncomfortably.

"Yea, I'm so relieved. Senpai I…I wanted to thank you for coming with me. I would have been a complete wreck if it wasn't for you."

"I didn't…I barely did anything." Souchi said quickly, aware his cheeks were heating up rapidly and he looked at his hands in an attempt to hide them.

"Don't say that. You were there with me the entire time and that's all I needed." _It wasn't the whole time_, Souchi wanted to add but found it almost unnecessary with the way his roommate was looking at him.

"You were there for me. It's only fair." Souchi said quietly, unable to keep the slight melancholy out of his tone. He must have been completely exhausted because he barely flinched when Morinaga's hand sought his, twisting their fingers together.

Souchi glanced down at their joined hands, wondering why Morinaga's were always so much warmer than his own.

"Oh Senpai." The sympathy leaked into his sentence and compelled Souchi to look up, locking eyes. He regretted it though a millisecond later when he found he couldn't look away.

"I do love you Senpai." Morinaga whispered, the affectionate words leaving his mouth in the same instant his body moved forward.

Souchi had seen it coming too but he hadn't moved. He sat still as Morinaga's lips connected with his, only a slight pressure as to not scare him away. It was familiar, warm, and over in a brief second. Souchi had still managed to close his eyes.

Souchi was tired of this. Tired of wondering why it was so easy.

When he blinked his eyes open again, the connection between them was suddenly broken. Morinaga wore his new favorite expression, one that embodied guilt as well as concern and released his hand from his hold. Souchi didn't want to accept that he was the one that caused that guilt to creep across his roommate's usually cheery face.

"Agh, sorry. I'm sorry I was just a bit emotional." Morinaga said quickly and nervously, refusing to glance at Souchi anymore than necessary. "Umm, I guess I'll just go to bed yea? Masaki said I could take their room so I'll just-" Fingers grasped the end of his sleeve and the shock was evident on his face.

"Senpai?" Morinaga squeaked. Souchi refused to look up but didn't let go of his grip.

"I don't trust that guy." Came the low response. Morinaga almost sighed but didn't want to break this strange spell that had wafted over them. He settled for reason.

"Senpai he isn't…" Intense eyes snapped to his in the same instant that Souchi leapt up from his seat.

"I still don't alright! Just…you can stay with us." Apparently Souchi had not thought about the words before he said them because seconds later, his eyes widened and a blush settled on his cheeks. Before he could take it back, Morinaga smiled lightly.

"Ok." He said softly and was grateful when Souchi simply stalked past him to the bedroom.

It was slightly awkward for Souchi but Morinaga was so exhausted, he slipped quietly under the covers with a mumbled 'good night'.

* * *

><p>Later, as sunlight peeked through the transparent curtains, Morinaga couldn't help but smile at the way his Senpai's limbs were tangled in his own. With one glance over at Mya's sleeping form, he pushed his head deeper into his pillow and drifted into sleep once more with the scent of his partner filling his head.<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Authors Notes:<strong> WOW ok so super late update, sorry guys! Summer classes + work + trying to have a social life is pretty consuming, no excuse I know, but...ANYWHO _

_We ARE getting there! The ultimatum is gonna be pretty plot twist worthy so hang tight, we're almost in the home-stretch! Wooohooo!_

_Thank you to everyone that's still reading and reviewing! I love you all very much and do hope you continue to enjoy! _

_Love xxxx_


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Ease My Mind**

_Chapter Eleven_**  
><strong>

It wasn't until mid-afternoon the following day that Morinaga managed to visit his brother. With the hassle of securing plane tickets for that night and making arrangements with their professors back home, it was a wonder they even had time to breath.

Mya was not making things any easier for them, of course. She disliked being bustled around in such a foreign place and seemed to cry at any inconvenience. Morinaga suggested she was teething. Souchi suggested she just hated Masaki.

To put his mind at ease from his impending ultimatum, Morinaga often found his mind wandered to that morning. He couldn't have been more content lying next to his Senpai, legs entangled, gentle puffs of air assaulting his earlobe. This was the second in a very short space time that Souchi had voluntarily climbed into bed with his roommate. Not only that, but he had _suggested_ the idea both times. Morinaga was aware that this hardly compared with asking him to move with Senpai, a newly appointed guardian and student to boot, but he still couldn't help the little budding hope that thrived within him. His Senpai was growing used to him. Used to physical contact and willing to initiate it. If anything, it perked Morinaga up substantially.

A hand on his shoulder dragged him from his daydreaming and Morinaga jumped from the contact. Masaki's hand squeezed encouragingly as he entered the hospital room. Kunihiro was still fast asleep beside him, machines bleeping softly around them, and his hand was limp in Morinaga's.

"Has he woken up at all since yesterday?" Morinaga asked, worry evident in his tone. He accepted the coffee Masaki handed to him and watched him cross to the other side of the bed to sit down.

"Twice so far. The first time he called me Mickey, and the second he explained in great detail why his favorite color was yellow." Masaki said and didn't even attempt to hide the adoration as he watched Kunihiro's unmoving form.

"Good, I'm glad." Morinaga said. And he _was_ glad. It was no secret that the history between the two brothers was far from perfect. If anything, the tragedy of Tomoe had solidified Morinaga's love for his entire family, parents included. But Morinaga knew that when Kunihiro choose Masaki, announced it loudly to their parents and close friends, that he had changed, that he had accepted who not only he was but who his brother was.

"When's your flight?" Masaki asked succeeding in interrupting Morinaga's thoughts.

"Not for another 2 hours. I just…I don't want Kunihiro to think I abandoned him. That _all_ of the family abandoned him." Morinaga confessed, knowing full well Masaki had contacted their parents and neither had wanted to make the journey over.

He glanced at his brother and squeezed his hand slightly. "It would be really convenient if you woke up right about now." Both of them watched Kunihiro, as if by some miracle the words would wake him. No such luck.

"Tetsuhiro, he would never think that. You came here without a second thought, you're such a devoted brother." Masaki said, frowning.

Morinaga shrugged.

"I know it's just, not the same. 10 more minutes and then we really have to go, Mya's growing antsy." Morinaga said, glancing towards the window where he knew his Senpai was somewhere below waiting with a taxi to take them to the airport.

"Speaking of Mya…" Masaki began as nonchalantly as he could muster. Morinaga shot him a very uncharacteristic glare and he stopped immediately.  
>"Masaki, no. My mind is already in shambles. I don't need to make a decision now." Usually Morinaga would have kept the annoyance out of his voice but the stress of the situation was dizzying.<p>

"Ok, you're right. I'm sorry." Masaki apologized. "Promise me you'll think about it."

Morinaga rubbed at his eyes tiredly and sighed.

"What do you think I've been doing these past few days?"

"Obviously not sleeping, you look terrible bro." A low voice answered and two heads whipped around at the patient. Kunihiro's eyes were finally open and he was smiling dopily at the both of them. He looked drowsy to say the least, but his eyes were focused and becoming more alert by the second.

Relief flooded Morinaga's face and he laughed with the sheer joy he felt just seeing his brothers' eyes open. "You're one to talk." He said and wondered idly how strange it was seeing how vulnerable his big brother looked at that moment. "I'm glad you're ok."

Kunihiro's smile grew and although it was still quite small, it was equivalent to a grin. Ever since Masaki had entered his life permanently, he seemed lighter and smiling was an almost frequent expression. It still slightly freaked Morinaga out.

"I'm glad you're here. You really didn't have to come Tetsuhiro. I'm sorry this worrywart dragged you out here."

Masaki spluttered beside them.

"Hey! I was panicking because _someone_ decided to faint whilst out shopping and scaring the crap out of me and about 10 other people." He said dramatically, waving his arms about in a flurry. The brothers merely glanced at one another and shared a bemused smirk.

Kunihiro grasped Masaki's fingers with his free hand and laced them together, immediately calming his partner down. Morinaga tried to keep his eyebrows from shooting up at the obvious PDA his brother was displaying. It was as if an alien had taken over his body.

"Alright. Next time I'll be sure to faint at home." Kunihiro tease and turned his attention to his brother. "Speaking of which, I vaguely heard some flight plans. Don't miss your plane for my sake." Masaki rubbed small circles into his palm as he spoke.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Looks like Masaki has everything under control though. It was nice seeing you alive Kunihiro." Morinaga said and his brother nodded, pumping his hand up and down in a vague handshake.

"Same. Now get out of here and get back to your tyrant." Kunihiro demanded lightly and Morinaga felt his face redden as Masaki coughed to hide his laugh.

"Actually he's uhh…he's here with me." Morinaga revealed quietly. Kunihiro tried to suppress his surprised expression but failed to do so.

"I see. Then send my regards, and thanks." Kunihiro said, amusement clear in the sentiment. Morinaga nodded and willed away his blush as he stood to hug Masaki.

As he shut the door, he couldn't help but feel a sliver of guilt at the thought of Kunihiro ill with none of his family to aid him. Just as the guilt knotted his stomach, he caught his brother and Masaki through the adjoining window. Masaki had just leant down to whisper in Kunihiro's ear and place a soft kiss on his partner's forehead.

Morinaga stepped away, feeling the guilt subsiding. He was being silly; Masaki seemed to have the family part covered just fine on his own.

* * *

><p>As Morinaga exited the hospital, his heart glowed at the sight of his Senpai leaning nonchalantly against the side of a taxi.<p>

Souchi looked up as he approached, blowing a few strands of his hair away from his face. Morinaga tried not to look at his lips too long.

"Ready to go home?" Souchi inquired and Morinaga quelled his ear-splitting grin at his choice of words.

"Definitely."

* * *

><p>Patty-cake was now Mya's favorite pastime. Matsuda had introduced her to it much to the eventual chagrin of her two main caretakers. It seemed that every time Morinaga or Souchi was around she would clap her little hands together until one of them caved, sat her down, and proceeded to sing the rhyme. Granted she fell down every so often with the utter enthusiasm she expressed when trying to hit their hands, but no matter how many times she tumbled, she waited patiently until she was right side up again and continued on clapping.<p>

It was during one of these games that a frantic pounding sounded on their front door, making both Morinaga and Mya jump. Morinaga picked her up, the noise obviously upsetting, balanced her on his hip, and made his way cautiously to the door. He peeked through the hole and rolled his eyes before opening it.

"Ever heard of a doorbell?" He said without a hint of annoyance. He was still happy to see Hiroto, his only uncomplicated friend.

Hiroto chose to wave his hand in a dismissive gesture and clapped them together in mock prayer.

"Oh thank goodness you haven't left yet. Listen, I need your angelic help with where to go on this date I have. He's…well hello there cutie pie." Hiroto cooed and his smile broadened at the sight of Mya. He held out his fingers to brush her cheek but she grabbed them before he could and started sucking on them. Both of the adults laughed. "Did you miss Uncle Hiroto?"

Morinaga led them back into the living room and transferred Mya to Hiroto who gladly adjusted her to his own hip. "She would prefer if Uncle Hiroto would ring the door bell next time."

Hiroto gasped dramatically and tapped Mya on the nose.

"My apologies miss. Won't happen again. Especially since I probably won't get to see you that often anymore." He remarked and pouted in what was meant to be a joke but Morinaga could clearly see he was saddened by the situation.

Morinaga felt his entire mood go downhill. This job decision and moving was going to affect everyone involved in Morinaga's life. He hadn't been considering what it would be like for Hiroto or his friends at school. Morinaga felt guilty at how selfish he had been.

"Yea." Morinaga murmured sadly. Hiroto settled down on the floor with Mya and locked eyes with his friend.

"Hey. Don't worry about me buddy. You have enough to worry about without me in the mix. You know we'll still be friends, not matter how far away you are. Ok?" Hiroto said reassuringly and Morinaga nodded. He knew Hiroto was telling the truth.

A few moments passed in comfortable silence when Hiroto suddenly began laughing out loud.

"Ouchie Mya. I need that hair." Mya had grown tired of her caterpillar toy to climb Hiroto and cling to his hair, examining the strands carefully but with a little more pull than was comfortable. Morinaga leaned forward from his place on the couch and loosened Mya's fingers. Hiroto set her back on the carpet in front of him, waving the caterpillar around in an attempt at distraction.

"Sorry Hiroto. She's always doing that to Senpai."

"Souchi always did look more like the mommy. Don't you think?" Hiroto said and Morinaga silently agreed.

"I'd get in trouble for thinking things like that." He murmured but Hiroto merely chuckled.

"But you have thought about them huh? How sickeningly adorable." He drawled, sending a knowing smirk in his friend's direction. "Maybe you should just make things permanent and propose."

It was said as a fairly innocent statement, but it hit Morinaga like a steam roller. _Propose_. Why had he never thought of that before? Sure he had entertained the idea but he never, in a million years would actually consider it. But now…here…in this situation…

He didn't realize he wasn't breathing until he was jerked from his stupor by a slightly fearful Hiroto.

"Hey, hey! Angel-kun I was just kidding. No need to hyperventilate."

The initial shock wore off with Hiroto's statement and Morinaga breathed in shakily. He felt embarrassed at how seriously he had taken what Hiroto said when he had clearly been joking. His cheeks reddened.

"I just…I guess it's a stupid idea." Morinaga said miserably. The brief image he had conjured up of the two of them walking along a beach somewhere, Mya in between them grasping both their hands, was now taking its place at the back of his mind once more.

Hiroto seemed to finally catch onto the seriousness of the situation he had brought up. He stood from his place on the floor to sit beside Morinaga. He placed a hand on his friends shoulder, squeezing until he looked up.

"What…you mean you'd actually consider it?" Hiroto asked hesitantly. Morinaga seemed to jump out of his skin at the comment, regarding Hiroto with a look of disbelief.

"Of course _I'd_ consider it. He's the love of my life, has been for such a long time. I'd marry him in a heartbeat." Morinaga exclaimed passionately, even earning a look from Mya.

"But…"

"But you know Senpai. He'd never even consider it." Morinaga admitted and reverted back to his previous depressive state.

Hiroto thought of said Senpai and agreed with his friend.

"True. Not unless he were, say, forced to." Hiroto suggested while examining his fingernails in what he hoped was nonchalance.

Mori's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you…oh god not you too." Mori groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"What?" Hiroto asked, now thoroughly confused himself.

"Masaki suggested I give him an ultimatum too." Mori responded. Hiroto scoffed and crossed his arms in a dejected manner.

"Jerk, he stole my idea. Well it does seem to be the only way to get the guy to do anything." He reasoned. He was glad when Mori finally lifted his head from his hands, a newfound hope evident in his green eyes. "Besides it's already like you're married anyway."

Mori was quiet for a few minutes, mulling the idea over and over in his mind. He wanted so badly to make Senpai his own, to claim him and Mya as his family. Asking him to move was pressure enough but should he add a proposal on top of that? Or were they equally shocking blows and either way Souchi would have to make a momentous decision.

Mori's head hurt.

"I…I don't…" He started, wanting more advice on the situation but finding he couldn't vocalize his fears.

Hiroto took pity on him and pat him on the back a few times.

"Look, you don't need to decide right now. Why don't you buy the ring and see how you feel afterwards?"

* * *

><p>"What's all that for?" Souchi asked, eyeing up the 5, filled to the brim, grocery bags his roommate waltzed in with a few days later.<p>

Morinaga heaved the rest of the bags up onto the counter, breathing heavily from the flight of stairs. He regarded his Senpai with an affectionate smile, Mya sitting on his lap while they watched Lion King, and began unpacking the groceries.

"Well, we've not been eating very healthy lately so I figured I'd make us a nice dinner." Morinaga said, only half-lying. Mya and school were so time consuming neither men could really make anything past microwaveable meals.

"Just a nice dinner huh?" Souchi asked, his tone oddly flat. Morinaga froze, trying not to look too flustered and kept his back to his roommate while he continued unpacking.

He couldn't…know. _Impossible_.

"Of…of course Senpai! We both need a break that's all." Morinaga reassured and became increasingly nervous under his Senpai's suspicious glare.

Morinaga had always been a lousy liar. This fact was made worse because Souchi knew that.

"A break. I see. Is that why Matsuda called five minutes ago to ask when we would be dropping Mya off at her house?"

Damn.

"Look, Senpai, I just…I felt we needed a break. Honestly. And I needed to discuss something with you. Don't be angry." Morinaga pleaded, wincing at the oncoming argument.

It didn't come though. Souchi simply narrowed his eyes and readjusted Mya on his lap after she became a bit too excited by Hakuna Matata.

"It's fine I need a break. Just…any decisions to do with Mya run past me first." Souchi said, keeping his attention guardedly focused on the screen like he was trying to avoid looking at Morinaga.

"I'm sorry Senpai, I didn't think." And he hadn't really. The decision to let Matsuda babysit didn't even register with Morinaga that anything was wrong with that. Sure he shared half the responsibilities with taking care of her, but it had been so damn _natural_ between the three of them lately that he considered Mya his own child. If solidifying their relationship didn't work, Morinaga wasn't sure how he would live. He literally could not imagine a future without Souchi and Mya in it. It wasn't an option.

"So what's for dinner anyway?" Souchi asked and Morinaga happily went through the menu, trying desperately to forget his previous train of thought.

* * *

><p>The meal was delicious. At least, that's what Morinaga deduced as he watched his Senpai help himself to the turkey for the third time. If Morinaga's stomach wasn't in absolute shambles and his mind equally so, he may have been able to actually taste the food he was pretending to eat.<p>

"You look like you're going to throw up." Souchi stated and if Morinaga wasn't so wrapped up in his own thoughts he would be pleased to hear the barely concealed worry in Souchi's voice.

Morinaga tried his best to smile but it came out looking very nervous. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Souchi asked but was paying more attention to refilling his drink than to Morinaga.

"About…" Morinaga hesitated. He could change the subject, or start warming up dessert or…"About the future."

Or just dive right in.

_That_ made Souchi look up. There was a hint of concern in Souchi's furrowed eyebrow's, obviously taking Morinaga's answer as a way to express his _feelings_.

Morinaga breathed in shakily, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants. It was now or never.

He had never been so nervous as he was pulling the velvet box from his pocket and placing it on his lap.

"Senpai I…there's something I need to tell you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> MUHAWAWHAAA how evil am I? GASP a proposal? And you were all nervous about that silly job ultimatum, this is a whole other can of worms! Teeheee EVILNESS...Ahem, alright I'm done. _

_Sorry for the wait guys, no excuses because I know how annoying they are. The next chapter will hopefully be out quicker but it's going to be a bit...cough..._harder_...cough than previous chapters if you get my drift ;)_

_Just a couple things: I'm not in the Masaki fanclub either tbh, but I did need someone to plant the idea into Mori's head. Fortunately Masaki is going to magically disappear in this story from now on so no worries guys!  
><em>

_**halfdemonfan**: As always, you are my lovely, angelic reviewer :) and I thank you a million times over for how much thought you put into writing out reviews. Yea, Masaki has always gotten on my nerves too; he just needs to mind his own freaking business. I have to confess that I wrote the Kurohiro bit (to connect the whole brother thing with Tomoe) and then thought "Crap, Masaki has to appear somewhere". Anyway, thank you again, you have no idea how much I appreciate your reviews!  
><em>

_**Red Mynx**: Hello dear! I couldn't respond to your review because it was set as guest or something. Anywho, to answer your question, no Tomoe and Kurogawa didn't actually adopt a baby :) That would uber cute and they would be the most adorable parents (apart from our boys of course), but no it's not canon. Honestly, I really just wanted to see Senpai interact with a baby and I know for a fact it would be out of character for them to adopt a baby so I had his brother do it instead (and then killed him off, whiiiiiiich wasn't the nicest thing to do). I TOTALLY agree that Masaki got off way too easily about what he did. Mori is too nice though so of course he's going to forgive him. I'm more with Senpai on the whole Masaki issue. Thank you so much for the review :) I was smiling throughout the entire thing!  
><em>

_RANT OVER! Review pretty please, even a few sentences would make my day! Next chapter out hopefully sooner than the last!  
><em>

_Love xxxxxxx  
><em>


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Ease My Mind**

_Chapter Twelve_

* * *

><p><em>Morinaga breathed in shakily, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants. It was now or never. <em>

_He had never been so nervous as he was pulling the velvet box from his pocket and placing it on his lap. _

"_Senpai I…there's something I need to tell you." _

* * *

><p>Souchi couldn't help but feel a sense of dread as Morinaga spoke. He had seen the expression on his face many a time when he had accidentally mixed the wrong chemical or forgotten to buy his cigarettes; he was nervous of Souchi's reaction. With the earlier incident of Matsuda looking after Mya without Souchi's permission and now an obviously anxious Morinaga, Souchi found himself wishing he had said no to this dinner. The turkey <em>was<em> good though.

"What is it?" Souchi asked and was quite proud that his voice hadn't cracked mid-sentence.

Morinaga took an unusually long breath and let a small, timid smile grace his face. The box that rested on his right thigh seemed oddly heavy, almost anchored to his leg with its supposed weight. He took a moment to visualize the very simple yet elegant silver band that the box contained and his confidence dwindled slightly at the thought of it being tossed back in his face. Morinaga's heart seemed to beat at an even faster pace than its already rapid speed and he let out a very breathy chuckle.

"I…I've just been doing some thinking. Well, a lot of thinking actually and…" Morinaga began and his throat seemed to close up at Souchi's inquisitive eyebrow. He coughed, trying to relieve some of the tension that was quickly filling every crevice of his body. "The thing…the thing is Senpai that I…"

Both men flinched when Souchi's phone began to vibrate, the sound obnoxiously loud against the glass of the table. Souchi growled lowly at the interruption; not because he was particularly looking forward to what Morinaga had to say but would have rather faced it head on. He glanced at the caller ID and swiped the screen to answer the call.

"This is Tatsumi." He answered, sparing a glance at Morinaga who seemed to have shrunk into his chair looking thoroughly defeated. "Oh Professor hello. No you aren't…interrupting anything."

Seeing as his chair unfortunately wasn't going to eat him alive tonight, Morinaga straightened as best he could and tapped the box on his thigh in an anxious tick. He wasn't sure his heart was going to make it if he didn't say this soon. It really wouldn't do to pass out and face plant into his half-eaten plate.

He was so wrapped up in rehearsing how he was to phrase what he wanted to say that he was surprised to hear an undertone of irritation in his Senpai's voice. His Senpai may be rude to the best of them, but he would _never_ direct even the slightest bit of anger to his professor, especially one he respected the hell out of.

"Yes…yes I understand sir…you too sir…good night. Fuck." Souchi hissed to himself as he rubbed his eyes harshly with his palms. Morinaga's worry over Souchi's answer vanished in that instance as protectiveness replaced it instinctively.

"What's the matter Senpai?" Morinaga asked curiously but vigilant at his Senpai's state. He looked the epitome of stress. His long hair wasn't pulled back in a ponytail as was custom but rather shaped his face, runaway strands littered his shoulders and face. When his palms lifted, they revealed tired and bleary hazel eyes that blinked at an unusually slow pace, like it was a great effort to lift them again.

"Professor Fukushima thinks I need a break from school." Souchi muttered sullenly, silencing his cell phone roughly and dropping into his pant pocket.

Morinaga had to wince at that one. His Senpai was so devoted to school and the fact that this was their Professor that suggested this 'break' probably hit Souchi too close to home.

Cautious not to upset his Senpai further, Morinaga softly asked, "Does he…did he specify why?"

"He said he can just tell. What the fuck does that mean? I've been doing all my work, my experiments are fine I don't…I don't need a fucking break." Souchi scoffed, pushing his chair back so it scraped the floor and crossing his arms in a huff. Even he could hear how pathetic his voice sounded. School was not something he took lightly and the mere thought of a break added even more stress onto his plate.

Morinaga wanted nothing more than to take the full brunt of the stress that was draining the man across the table from him.

He couldn't do this.

Not now anyway. Not when Souchi was so shattered and miserable. He wasn't naïve enough to believe his Senpai would exclaim his undying love and jump into his arms when he asked, even if he asked in 10 years time. But he would like to hold onto the hope that Souchi would at least consider it. In the state he was in now, he…he didn't have the heart.

Mindful that Souchi was three feet away, Morinaga carefully placed the box and its components safely back into his pocket. He heaved a full-body sigh, surprised at how much relief he felt when the box settled against his leg again, away from view. Perhaps he hadn't been as ready as he had hoped.

However, he knew he hadn't completely escaped; telling Souchi about the job offer was unfortunately not something he could postpone much longer.

He welled himself up to blurt out the truth that had tormented him for so long, when Souchi leapt up from his place and began pacing around the living room. Sighing for what felt like the hundredth time since they began their meal, Morinaga joined him, leaning against the arm of the couch. He watched warily as his Senpai made lines in the carpet with his sock clad feet.

"I mean, do I look like a fucking zombie? I'm doing my work, it's not a problem. Jesus, what does he want from me?" Souchi exclaimed, digging in his heels further as if to underline his agitation.

Morinaga listened to his rant patiently and chanced a response, hoping it wasn't going to result with a black eye.

"Senpai, I think you're taking this too personally. You know he respects you as much as you respect him. I'm sure he's just worried that you're juggling a lot at the moment."

Souchi shook his head and his gaze only intensified as he flicked his amber eyes toward Morinaga's infuriating relaxed stance.

"But he doesn't know about Mya. I must be doing something wrong if someone who knows next to nothing about my life thinks I'm fucking stressed."

Morinaga racked his mind, trying to remember if he mentioned Mya in any capacity to their Professor when they were discussing the job. Coming to the conclusion that Mya was only known to a select few, he pushed off from his lean and moved forward towards his Senpai, stopping 4 feet short.

"Listen Senpai, you are doing a fantastic job with Mya and keeping up with school. But, I sort of agree with the Professor." Morinaga admitted softly and with the way Souchi's head snapped up to meet his, eying the space between them with surprise, he knows this wasn't what he wanted to hear. "You forget to eat sometimes did you know that? And even when Mya isn't crying, I can hear you pacing at 3 in the morning. I worry about you Senpai, I do. Perhaps we should figure out a new system or…" Morinaga said quickly, hastily, wanting Souchi to know what he had really been feeling for the past few weeks.

Souchi shook his head in desperate denial.

"No. If…if he could handle school and a baby then I can."

"Who?"

"Tomoe."

Morinaga started at that. He wasn't…trying to one-up his dead brother…was he?

"Senpai you…you're worried you can't juggle what your brother could?"

The flash of hurt that crossed Souchi's face, like he couldn't believe what Morinaga thought of him, was equivalent to a stab in the gut.

"No! I…I want Mya to have the life she _would_ have if he didn't…if they hadn't…fuck, she deserves that. She deserves to have a good life."

For the first time in 4 months, the apartment was completely silent. No infant and her hungry cries. No television mindlessly playing in the background. No complaining on Souchi's part or coddling on Morinaga's. Just two men lost in their own minds, their thoughts noisy enough.

Wordlessly, Morinaga shifted closer to his roommate and the gap that had separated them was becoming increasingly smaller. Souchi was not so deep in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the obvious advance Morinaga was making. His exhausted and strained mind was apparently affecting his body in a similar way and couldn't find the strength to back away. He hoped the suspicious and irritated glare he sent Morinaga's way would suffice.

"Senpai." Morinaga said softly but with enough authority that Souchi focused on him. Placing both of his hands on Souchi's tensed shoulders, Morinaga hoped the warmth that bled through his shirt would highlight the fire in his heart.

"If all parents were as worried and nervous and anxious about their children's well being and future as you are with Mya, then the world would be a much better place." Souchi seemed to consider this with wary acceptance but didn't look completely convinced.

"I just want her to be happy."

Morinaga was entirely sure he couldn't love his Senpai anymore than he did right at that moment. Hiroto and Masaki were constantly going on about how Souchi was lucky to have him. But he knew he would never find anyone as perfectly flawed and selfless as his Senpai.

Careful not to upset him further, Morinaga leaned far into Souchi's personal space and emphasized his words with a one-sided hug. He heard the surprised intake of breath and Souchi's' upper body tense before Morinaga experienced the disorientation of déjà vu.

"_Don't run off without telling me anymore"_

"_Senpai"_

"_I'm sorry"_

"_I won't ever make you feel like that again"_

This was strikingly and almost _eerily_ similar to that time. Morinaga remembered the desperation so evident on his Senpai's face, so frantic at the idea of Morinaga leaving him. The happiness had blinded him completely and he had agreed to never hurt him again, no matter the circumstances. But things had changed. He was going to have to tell him soon. Tell him that he had decided to leave the university, convince him to pack up and leave with him.

The fact that this was so alike only pained Morinaga further, especially since he could literally feel his Senpai ease into his embrace. It was subtle, and it was really only his shoulders that had sagged slightly, but he wasn't moving away and he certainly wasn't shoving him.

It wasn't until Souchi dropped his forehead onto Morinaga's shoulder that the guilt gnawed at his insides. He had swore never to hurt him and to betray that now with this ultimatum was selfish. He couldn't do this tonight, that was for sure.

'_Time's ticking', _the assured voice in his head reminded him. But with Souchi's body against his, no matter how little they were actually touching, it was difficult to come up with excuses to stop this.

Morinaga mirrored his Senpai and rested his forehead lightly into the slot between his shoulder blade and his neck. He was anxious to comfort his Senpai in any way he could.

The deliciously soft skin that his nose was currently sliding against was practically begging to be kissed, licked, bitten, _anything_ but he restrained himself. He was getting rather good at resistance these days.

"You're an amazing person Senpai." Morinaga whispered honestly and gave in, lightly brushing his lips over the pale skin of his neck. The response was instantaneous; Souchi's arms dropped from where they had been crossed in surprise and the newly freed space prompted Morinaga to lean ever closer so that their bodies were aligned from chest to thigh.

Souchi literally could not think. He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts of the damned future that the closeness of his roommate hadn't really set off any warning bells. Souchi could admit that a hug now and again was alright; everyone needed that intimacy of another human every so often. But he couldn't understand why his body was leaning towards the warmth, even inching his foot forward so that it rested next to Morinaga's. It was becoming much more than a friendly pat on the back between friends.

Nevertheless, he hadn't moved away. It was obvious that Morinaga was most likely desperate for human contact and, to put it bluntly, probably horny as hell. It was also painfully obvious that the lips against the side of his neck were anything but a prompt for something more. But again, he wasn't moving. Why the _fuck_ wasn't he moving? Why did his freaking body lean into Morinaga's like it was what it had been missing for 4 months?

Because it _had_ been missing him.

Morinaga had been in front of him for months and yet he still missed him.

The tingles that spread from his neck and engulfed his entire being were proof enough.

It made Souchi want to punch a wall.

He hadn't even realized he was crying, _fucking crying_, until Morinaga pulled back suddenly and stared at him wide eyed and upset. Under normal circumstances and with anyone else, Souchi would have been beyond embarrassed and stormed away as quick as possible. But he allowed Morinaga to gently sweep the tears away from under his eye's, trapping one that was about to escape.

He wanted to tell Morinaga that he didn't even know why he was crying, that he wasn't some girl and to stop coddling him but he blamed his lack of sleep for not putting in the effort to push away. Morinaga had taken his face in his hands and was stroking his cheeks absently with his fingers. The look of complete confusion and helplessness for the situation that Morinaga let slip to his features amused Souchi slightly and he felt a little better.

"You're such a wuss." Souchi mumbled quietly, annoyed that his voice was nasally and broke mid-sentence. Morinaga's whole face lit up as if the insult had made his year and he chuckled. Souchi had never really noticed that his eyes were _that_ green before. He wondered if Morinaga knew he had a hint of a dimple when he smiled like that. This close, it was hard not to notice a lot of things.

"I can't help it around you." Morinaga admitted and caught Souchi's earlobe lightly with one of his free fingers. He inched forward, watching with amusement when Souchi's eyes widened comically. "I love you Senpai."

The wonderful blush Morinaga had grown accustomed to on his Senpai's face returned full force and he parted his lips like he wanted to object. Morinaga smiled further and was so overwhelmed by the emotions swirling within him that he barely gave his Senpai any warning as he touched his lips to Souchi's.

He couldn't speak for Souchi, but to Morinaga it felt like coming home. He let his lips slide gently over his partner's, catching briefly on Souchi's upper lip and closing them over his bottom one. It was all very innocent; even through his blinding desire, Morinaga managed to keep the kiss simple and soft. He was not going to risk a runaway situation.

After a few blissful seconds, Morinaga released his hold of Souchi's bottom lip and reveled in the fact that as he lifted his eyelids, Souchi's remained closed. His breath was hitting his own dampened lips in short puffs and made for a very pleasurable, cooling sensation. Morinaga tried not to break the strange but welcome daze his Senpai seemed to be in and lifted his free hand to stroke the length of his jaw.

"Stop me Senpai." Souchi's eyes shot open and his previous stupor seemed to disappear. Morinaga was gazing at him at a more comfortable distance, an unwavering look of desire and love pinned him in place. Souchi's eyes automatically dropped to Morinaga's mouth and cursed himself for noticing his lips' slight glaze.

Stop him? He was _trying_ goddammit.

He had been aware that his body was responding to Morinaga as it always did in these situations and he knew what he had to do. He had to move away, obviously; all he had to do was step backwards, shove Morinaga away, and storm to his room to bury his head in some homework.

Morinaga was giving him an out. He was giving him the option to make a run for it. He should have been shoving him away five minutes ago. He should be doing many things at that point in time.

He settled for letting two of his fingers curl around the hand that was currently stroking his face.

This simple gesture knocked down all of Morinaga's resistance.

Souchi registered the look of unadulterated happiness on Morinaga's face before he swiftly found himself up against the door to Morinaga's bedroom. Even if he wanted to object there was no way he could speak, not while said man was eagerly devouring his mouth and caressing any part of his body he could reach. He had almost forgotten how annoyingly good Morinaga was at kissing as his tongue finally breached his lips and he let out an embarrassing moan.

He made use of his Senpai's initial surprise to pin his hands above his head and continued to ravage his mouth. When Souchi let out a particularly loud groan, Morinaga released his possessive hold on his mouth to take in the sight before him. They were naturally both flushed and their breath was mingling in hurried gulps of air in the short space between their mouths. Souchi was positively glowing and the word gorgeous eased its way to the forefront of Morinaga's mind.

Souchi finally opened his eyes, obviously confused and irritated that Morinaga had stopped _now_. When he met Morinaga's adoring and hungry gaze, he blushed fiercely and averted his eyes away. Why did Morinaga always make things so damn embarrassing?

He toyed with the idea of slipping away to take care of his erection alone; after all, Morinaga wasn't the only way of satisfying himself. That is, until Morinaga rolled his hips forward and Souchi's head fell backwards, banging lightly against the door as his mouth parted in an unspoken moan. His hands were grappling behind him, trying to grasp onto anything and settled for gripping Morinaga's upper arms. Morinaga smirked before repeating the action, much more interested in the reactions of his Senpai to notice how hard he had become as well.

Souchi stopped thinking of an escape plan. In fact, he stopped thinking almost entirely.

Morinaga combined this assault with holding Souchi's hips steady with one hand, tugging at his scalp with the other, and attacking his neck in small but very precise nips and licks. With the way his Senpai's hips stuttered and attempted to keep up the rhythm he had set, Morinaga knew he wasn't going to last if they kept doing this.

Souchi felt the hand in his hair drop to his side and his confusion only lasted a few moments before the solid structure behind him suddenly gave way and he was being pushed quickly towards Morinaga's bed. Not known for being particularly patient once they had gotten started, Morinaga removed his mouth from Souchi's neck and stripped himself of his shirt as they managed to locate the bed. He pushed an unusually pliant Senpai to a sitting position, kneeled down to his level and smiled lazily as he went to work on Souchi's buttons.

Apparently he was more desperate for this than even he had imagined because his hands were literally shaking with each button. Even Souchi glanced down curiously at the speed at which his shirt was being removed. He cast an almost smug look at Morinaga which made his lower belly flush with excitement. Not only was his Senpai willingly going to bed with him, but he was anticipating Morinaga's actions and going along with them. He couldn't take that self-satisfied look anymore and quickly removed it by finally parting the shirt and licking his abdomen generously.

"Ah!" Souchi exclaimed, surprised at the tongue now tracing his rib cage and moving steadily towards his nipple. Morinaga had moved and was partially lying over him, Souchi now trapped between the weight that was Morinaga's body and the arms that were placed on the sides of his head. Souchi realized he felt content, that this actually felt safe. That it was the safest place he had encountered for months.

It was almost too much when Morinaga nipped at his sensitive nipple and then lapped his tongue on the bud. Souchi involuntarily arched up into the contact and whipped his head to the side, hair fluttering around his heated face. The pleasurable tingles he usually felt when Morinaga did this now felt like full on fire, seeping into his very skin. He had been ignoring his body's needs for so long and it had been virtually an era since he and Morinaga had done anything like this. He couldn't help but feel embarrassment at the predicament; his lower belly was practically seething and he was not going to last long with this foreplay.

'_We hadn't even done anything yet'_ Souchi thought pathetically and whimpered at both the thought and the fact that Morinaga had moved onto his other nipple.

Hearing the desperate noises, Morinaga stopped what he was doing with a succulent pop and saw how far along Souchi was already. Morinaga wasn't the only one who was beyond excited.

"Enjoying yourself Senpai?" Morinaga asked, his voice low and laced with desire. Souchi's head popped up from where he had been lying and shot Morinaga an embarrassed glare. It was hard to see any true anger in his face while it was all flushed with pleasure like that.

"You're an idio-AH!" Souchi's back arched up once more and he began trembling when Morinaga actually started _mouthing_ at the bulge in his jeans. It wasn't so much the feeling but the idea that Morinaga's mouth was _so_ close.

Morinaga smirked from where he was, making sure enough of his mouth's heat was seeping into the fabric. He wanted his Senpai to last, however, so he stopped and began working at the button and zipper of Souchi's jeans. Just the view of Souchi merely watching with anticipation and barely concealed lust as his jeans were gradually removed sent a shiver down Morinaga's spine. He felt absurdly proud that Souchi was trusting him.

As Souchi's erection sprang free from its hold, Morinaga paused. He had been planning to give his Senpai a blow job as he had a month ago but it didn't feel intimate enough. His Senpai was trusting him, opening up to him about his fears of the future and although Morinaga still had the job weighing on his mind, he felt like this was different. He wondered how his Senpai would react if he…

Souchi watched, puzzled and more than a little frustrated that Morinaga wasn't automatically trying to relieve him. He was even more confused when Morinaga removed his own pants and underwear in one practiced move. Usually he didn't go all the way so suddenly. A twinge of panic settled in his chest along with his hammering heart. He wasn't just going…in. Just like that.

He pushed himself on his elbows to see if he could reason with Morinaga but the other man merely smiled pleasantly and laid a hand to his chest.

"Relax for me Senpai." He assured and hovered over Souchi once again. Souchi's eyes widened comically as he realized they were both completely naked. The thought barely registered before Morinaga, once again, thrust his hips in a downwards motion and both men groaned deeply. The sensation of his erection sliding against Morinaga's was unexpectedly and forcefully gratifying. He was well aware he was panting and his hands once again found Morinaga's upper arms to try and steady himself as the other continued to rub them together.

It was strangely intimate. For once, no one was "on top" so to speak. They were both moving up against each other, slick with sweat and pre-cum, the heat almost too much. Morinaga found that Souchi rather enjoyed the feel of not only their lower bodies together, but their chests sliding languidly at the same time. Morinaga tried to aim for their nipples touching each other with each thrust but it was difficult as Souchi was beginning to thrash about beneath him.

"Mor-Morinaga-ugh!" Souchi moaned erotically, his mind unable to come up with anything else. He caught the satisfied look on Morinaga's face before the heat in his groin became too much too soon and his fingernails dug into his partners skin. His eyes slipped shut from the sensations and Morinaga annoyingly slowed down forcing Souchi remain just on the edge. He didn't notice when Morinaga inched his hand between their bodies, bypassing their frantic erections, and parted Souchi's cheeks with his fingers.

So utterly lost in the constant shoots of want originating where their bodies were slick together, Souchi couldn't even find the strength to tell Morinaga to go easy on him. He felt a finger trace around his hole, slick with something already. He peeked through his heavy eyelids and locked eyes with Morinaga and flushed at the attention. Morinaga wasn't moving anymore and his finger was still teasing his opening but not actually inserting it.

"Is this ok?" Came the soft question and Souchi found himself surprised for about the tenth time that night. He was asking _permission_? That did not happen. Ever.

He didn't dare look at Morinaga for fear of what he might see. He didn't want to see how utterly entranced Morinaga was or how patient he was being. He didn't like the fact that this decision was his. That Morinaga going any further would promise full on sex.

And for some bizarre reason, the idea didn't really scare him.

He built up his courage as best he could with the distraction of pleasure still thrumming throughout his entire being and nodded once, shutting his eyes forcefully so he was still hidden from Morinaga's gaze.

It all escalated very quickly from there.

Souchi felt the familiar yet foreign sensation of Morinaga's index finger and bit his lower lip in order to keep the rest of his body still. It shocked him how easily it went inside, like Souchi's body was inviting it in even after so long. He had expected pain of some sort to accompany this but all he felt, embarrassingly, was anticipation of the eventual brushing of the spot inside him. As if his thoughts were being broadcast, Morinaga took Souchi's lack of response as a good thing and added another finger.

Souchi whimpered and then moaned loudly as Morinaga pushed his fingers up to the knuckles and reached slightly to the right. Stars burst behind his eyes as Morinaga not only began thrusting his fingers in an out, hitting the spot each time, but was simultaneously resuming the rhythm of their hips.

Souchi gasped as he felt kisses circling his belly button and the combination threw him harshly over the edge. The sensations far too much for him, he released himself, trembling, and coated both their erections and bellies. His vision, as he opened his eyes, was slightly blurred from his lack of glasses and the edges were black. All he felt for a few moments was pure satisfaction.

Morinaga tried not to come from watching his Senpai unravel before him. He wished Souchi could see how incredibly sexy he looked, squirming and arching into his body, face endearingly pink, hair cast around him in disarray, lips parted in vocalized pleasure.

He had been planning to wait for Souchi to come down from his high before working him up again, but he had been staring so hypnotized that he hadn't noticed that time had already appeared. Souchi had lifted his head from the sheets and was peeking almost shyly at him. Morinaga's face heat up at Souchi's unwavering stare and he blinked rapidly to make sure his vision was correct.

He couldn't help the small, gentle smile that graced his face.

Without removing his fingers from Souchi, he crawled up his relaxed body and didn't wait before kissing him passionately. Souchi's body was still in its languid state and was slow to respond but after a few moments, he hesitantly met Morinaga's tongue with his. Even after all that happened that night, Morinaga still found himself stunned that Souchi wasn't in any way resisting his advances. He knew Senpai was far from admitting anything close to love for him, but the fact that he was entrusting his body with him was enough for now.

Souchi gasped into Morinaga's mouth as the fingers still inside him began moving again. This time they started scissoring, widening and stretching him even more. Each time he repeated the action, he hit his prostate gland and his cock was beginning to take notice. How Morinaga always got him so worked up so quickly was still a mystery to him.

Any gentleness Morinaga had been bestowing upon him earlier seemed to vanish as his erection brushed against Souchi's in obvious need of attention. He began thrusting his tongue into Souchi's mouth at an accelerated pace and they both made muffled noises of pleasure as he copied the action with his fingers. Souchi was fairly sure he could come again very quickly if Morinaga kept this up and he was almost mortified at how hard he had become it such a short amount of time.

Morinaga was growing slightly impatient at his almost painful, unresolved desire but reminded himself that this was about Souchi's pleasure. He was hoping that he could show Souchi that it wasn't just about sex with them, but that he truly loved him. All he really wanted was for Souchi to understand his feelings.

He broke his hold on Souchi's mouth leaving a thin trail of saliva that linked their lips, and looked down between them. Souchi was fully hard again and the sight was enough evidence that he was ready. Morinaga gripped Souchi's thighs and pulled him roughly towards him, spreading his legs when he was closer.

"Ah!" Souchi felt the fingers leave him and he mourned the loss, growling Morinaga's name like a curse. Not soon after, the fingers were replaced with Morinaga's erection and he couldn't help the way his cock twitched with anticipation. Morinaga eased into Souchi's white hot heat as slowly as he could.

"Ah! Oh Senpai," he groaned and had to stop midway, too afraid that going in all the way would make him come.

The fingers may have brought him no pain, but Morinaga entering him made him wince. It had been a long time after all and he bit his lip, drawing a little blood this time while taking shuttering breaths. However, his pain was soon forgotten at the sight above him. Morinaga had never looked so lost in pure pleasure, his lips parted and eyes clenched shut. Souchi was strangely fascinated and felt the inexplicable urge to touch his face to see if it felt as hot as it looked. Before he could reach his hand up, Morinaga opened his eyes and locked them with Souchi's.

Something passed between them in that instance and even though it scared Souchi more than he would care to admit, he didn't look away. He kept his gaze steady until Morinaga thrust forward suddenly and Souchi threw his head backwards at the change in pressure.

Buried to the hilt, Morinaga gave Souchi a few moments to compose himself and adjust but was barely able to hold on. When he saw Souchi stop biting his lip and his thighs relax as he traced patterns on them with his finger, he decided to move.

"Hah!" Souchi gasped and Morinaga muffled his cry with his lips. Their tongues messily danced as Morinaga gradually increased his tempo; he could _feel_ Souchi's moans and they went straight to his groin. He could also feel the tightening in his abdomen far quicker than he had anticipated but was hopeless to stop it. To bring Souchi to his high, he pulled his left leg up and rested it on his shoulder, angling his thrusts just right. Souchi would have screamed if Morinaga's mouth hadn't impulsively returned to his and swallowed the sound into a mere cry.

Souchi squirmed and writhed beneath him, so absorbed in what was happening to him that his arms instinctively wrapped around Morinaga's back and neck, fingernails digging as he kept him close. He could tell they were both so close and looking down at Souchi's eyelids, he realized he needed something else before it ended.

"Look at me Senpai." Morinaga asked shakily, torn between slowing down and stopping altogether. He settled for slowing down but Souchi's eyes remained shut. His Senpai looked like he was so thrown in pleasure that either Morinaga's words hadn't registered or he was too far gone to respond. "P-please. Senpai, please." Morinaga pleaded.

Souchi took a few shuddering breaths, willing to do just about anything to reach completion and tilted his face upwards before opening his eyes. Morinaga saw the desire, the desperation, and the trust all swirling happily in his amber eyes. He rewarded Souchi's response with picking the pace back up and reaching down to stroke Souchi's erection.

"Mo-Mori!" His name slipped effortlessly from his Senpai's lips and he managed to chuckle breathlessly. The man so wholly unraveled beneath him was insanely beautiful; he couldn't resist claiming his lips once more.

_Stay with me Senpai_

"Yeeessss." Souchi hissed and Morinaga managed a look of bewilderment before he realized he had spoken those words aloud. And Senpai had…he said he would…

It pushed Morinaga to the very edge and he rested his forehead to Souchi's as they both cried out at a particularly deep thrust and came, milliseconds apart.

Their harsh breathing was all Morinaga could hear. His head dropped down to bury itself in Souchi's neck. All his senses were filled with Souchi. He could hear his partner's heart beat clearly and he remembered to pull out before the noise lulled him to sleep.

_Stay with me Senpai_

_Yes_

* * *

><p>A buzzing penetrated the haze of Morinaga's dreamless sleep and he turned his head slowly to the side to turn the offending noise off. He blinked at his alarm clock; it wasn't making any sort of noise.<p>

'_Must be my phone_', he reasoned and remembered they were in his pants pocket. Sleepily, he pushed himself up on his elbows and a blanket around his chest fluttered into his lap. He smiled lazily; his Senpai must have put it on him while he slept. He frowned. Where was Souchi?

He sat up, the fact that he was naked briefly crossed his mind, and he spotted Souchi kneeling on the floor beside his pair of jeans.

He thought he should make his presence known and cleared his throat. Souchi didn't so much as flinch at the noise. Morinaga wondered if he was shy about the night before. A smile crept to his lips.

"Morning Senpai." He said cheerfully but as softly as he could muster, not wanting to scare his Senpai away after the progress they had made last night.

Souchi remained in his crouch, resolutely looking towards his lap. Morinaga registered he had put his pants back on.

"Senpai?" He asked from his place on the bed. He scooted to the left, curious despite himself at what could thoroughly grasp his Senpai's attention.

He gasped in horror and felt his stomach sink, ice streaming through his veins.

It wasn't his phone.

Souchi was staring at his engagement ring.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note<strong>: PHEW! This was so difficult to write and unfortunately I think it's pretty obvious I don't write smut a ton lol, but hope it was enjoyable! I made sure to make it pretty long and as descriptive as I could muster. And I tried my loves, I tried so very hard to keep them in character especially Senpai. Again, really, really hard so be gentle with reviews please! _

_In other news, ONE MORE CHAPTER GUYS! It's been a long time coming, and with school starting tomorrow it may be a while till this baby gets updated. I may or may not write an epilogue, I have a few ideas in mind but, let me know what you think! Hate to leave you with another evil cliffhanger but…I have to keep interest somehow ;)_

_Love xxxxx_


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Ease My Mind**

_Chapter Thirteen_

Souchi hadn't meant to snoop. In fact, he was entirely in the right when the buzzing of Morinaga's phone disturbed his slumber. He was also very aware that if the noise woke Morinaga up, he would want to _talk_ and anything that prolonged that Souchi was all up for.

He had detangled his legs and arm from Morinaga as gently as he could, a blush tinting his cheeks, and haphazardly put on his boxers from the night before. He located Morinaga's jeans without a hitch and reached into the pocket.

He really hadn't meant to find it.

In fact he wished he hadn't.

Because he could swear his vision went temporarily hazy as morning light bounced off the silver ring and hit his pupils. He could also swear that a bout of dizziness was quick to overcome him, his stomach dropped about five floors, and a distinct ringing invaded his eardrums.

If you asked him however, he mostly felt numb.

He blamed the blood rushing through his ears for not hearing Morinaga's horrified gasp. When he finally lifted his heavy head, peering through his long hair, he saw Morinaga sat up in bed, frozen with fear and face full of remorse. Instead of rushing to explain, to speak, to yell, _anything_, Morinaga sat in shaken silence and seemed to care more for Souchi's reaction than explaining his own actions.

Souchi could not stand the look on Morinaga's face and let his head swivel back to the offending piece of jewelry.

His voice, when it spoke, was unintentionally loud in the quiet room and felt tight in his throat. "Explain."

A cough of surprise, perhaps at being acknowledged, followed the demand and Souchi heard rather than saw Morinaga scramble off of the bed.

Morinaga's legs went weak as he stood, his mind trying to grasp onto the fact that Souchi was holding his own engagement ring. The idea didn't fully register, even as he looked around promptly for his underwear, realizing they had been tangled with them in the bed. He pulled them on without a second thought and faced Souchi at the head of the bed. Even from across the room he could see his roommates shoulders were tensed up and he held himself stiffly.

There would be no wiggle room. Morinaga had to tell him everything.

Taking a deep breath did nothing to quell his nerves and when he spoke his voice shook embarrassingly. "I…look Senpai this isn't what…this wasn't meant to happen like…" Morinaga croaked out rapidly, trying his best to organize his thoughts in an understandable way. But he honestly did not know where to begin, he wanted excuses and explanations to tumble forth but he knew that his Senpai was going to have to be the one to get them out of him.

When he didn't respond for an entire minute, Souchi glanced up and Morinaga summoned the courage not to look away as those amber eyes pierced his.

"Like what?" Souchi asked impassively, his face a collected calm that unnerved Morinaga more than he would care to admit.

"Like… like this. I didn't want it to happen like this." Morinaga admitted quietly. Time felt suspended as those brown eyes stared calculatingly, something meaningful brimming just beneath the surface.

Souchi considered this for a moment and Morinaga saw his posture cave in slightly, like he was slowly coming to terms with the situation. "Why?"

Morinaga rocked back on his heels momentarily, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why what?" He asked before the tinted pink cheeks of his Senpai clued him in. _Oh_.

"Senpai because…because I love you more than I've loved anyone. And I can't stand the thought of not spending the rest of my life with you. I was afraid I would lose you and…" Morinaga said, achingly hopeful.

He outright refused to let his mind take into consideration that Souchi was merely trying to _understand_ the situation. He wasn't going out on a rampage. He was trying to comprehend why Morinaga wanted to do this.

For his sanity's sake, Morinaga all but dragged that thought to the back of his mind and concentrated instead upon Souchi finally moving from his crouched position.

Souchi rose to his feet and Morinaga idly noticed he had yet to put down the box containing his ring. He was watching Morinaga with a mix of confusion, embarrassment, and fledging curiosity.

"Afraid? Why?" Souchi asked, watching as Morinaga's eyes widened and unknowingly filled him with dread. He hadn't meant to reveal so much.

Morinaga clapped his hands together, wringing them nervously before striding forward a few steps towards his companion. Souchi, to his surprise, didn't so much as flinch. Although his previous, emotionless mask had all but disappeared, Souchi remained a cause of great anxiety for Morinaga and he was desperate to clear the air with him.

"Before I say this, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was going to last night and then…you were stressed and I couldn't." Morinaga paused, taking in Souchi's alarmed expression. He couldn't stop now. The feeling made him feel trapped and suffocated. He continued, averting his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch Souchi's reaction as it happened, he wasn't sure he could handle the response. "I…I got a job offer. It's far from here, I wouldn't be able to come back often so I thought..."

Souchi spluttered in disbelief as the reality of the situation slammed into him like a violent blow to the chest. At that moment he didn't care at the hopeful desperation in Morinaga's eyes. He ignored the instinctive guilt that rushed through him, Morinaga awaiting his response like a drowning man. Like this was going to save his life.

Later, he would feel ashamed at the fury that took over his entire being and made him ignore all of those things. All he could truly register was betrayal and it was rearing its ugly head in an alarmingly rapid manner.

"Wait what…a job? A fucking job?! You…you were going to give me _this_ because you felt guilty at not telling me?" Souchi all but shouted; he didn't even attempt to hide his wounded expression or the desolation leaking into his voice.

Morinaga involuntarily fell backwards a few steps at the insinuation and he shook his head frantically.

"No of course not Senpai, please I…" Morinaga had to stop, not because what Souchi said was true, far from it, but his voice was beginning to tremble and his throat felt tight. The look on his Senpai's face made Morinaga blink back impending tears.

"You are so fucking…how could you do this? What is wrong with you?" Souchi shouted once more, his voice growing louder with each word. He wasn't even truly comprehending what he was saying, just that anger was something familiar and he could deal with it. What he couldn't deal with was Morinaga becoming increasingly miserable and actual pain now registering on his face.

Morinaga tried moving forward again but only managed to sway slightly.

"Please listen Senpai…"

Souchi let out a bark of laughter and Morinaga recoiled as if he had been slapped. The noise was too loud and too intrusive at that moment, in that situation, and he winced.

Souchi watched him for a few moments, a forced, mocking smile gracing his face and tensed as if he came to a decision. He yanked the offending jewelry box open and removed the ring from its velvet bed. He twisted the metal around between two of his fingers in a sort of manic way and finally locked eyes with his roommate.

"You really thought I would want this? You're leaving _again_ without telling me and then you plan to give me this fucking piece of crap to make up for lying to me?"

It was cruel irony that when Souchi threw the ring it hit the left side of Morinaga's chest where his heart was beating too quickly. He began breathing so hard it was making him dizzy and tears grew heavy, dripping down his cheeks and putting his heartache on display.

"No…god no please…" Morinaga realized he was begging but could not bring himself to care, not when the place where the ring had hit him felt like a brand, red hot and burning. If it wasn't for the fact that his knees decided to suddenly lock in place he would be crumpled on the floor.

"Like I would fucking accept this. Move. See if I care. See if I fucking care, but don't you show your face around here anymore. I'm done." Souchi's voice gave nothing away save for his anger. He was merciless in his statement and dropped the box to the floor as well.

There was a brief silence in which Souchi gathered the energy to move towards the door.

A choked sob made him freeze. He cursed himself for letting some of his anger slip away at the sound and clenched his eyes shut. He didn't look back at Morinaga, he _couldn't_ because he felt his own tears begin to form.

"Senpai." Came the agonized response.

_Fuck_. He had to get out of here. Morinaga's voice was too much, his tears were inspiring his own.

"I trusted you…fuck…I thought you were…" Souchi bit out, his jaw clenched and his tone verging on melancholy.

It was a few moments before Morinaga lifted his head and focused his eyes on the door that closed behind Souchi.

This time, he didn't stop his knees from giving out. He didn't stop his hand from picking up the ring either.

He did, however, stop himself from shouting out. Because even Morinaga's optimism wasn't going to make Souchi come back.

* * *

><p>The next few days went by in a haze. One of those painful, incensed hazes that are quickly forgotten simply because your mind finds it too unbearable to remember. Souchi does remember a few bits and pieces like collapsing in an upstairs bedroom of Matsuda's house, his throat stinging every time he swallowed, throwing up what little food he managed to get into his system. Matsuda was beside herself with worry of course, insisting on taking care of Mya while Souchi wallowed in his self.<p>

He remembers just breaking down.

As he stomped out of their apartment, the anger he had been desperately clinging to for some sense of familiarity slipped away bit by bit. By the time he had arrived at Matsuda's, the reality of what had just happened was like a punch to the stomach. Agonizing didn't measure up to how he felt.

With the soft words of comfort Matsuda kept feeding into his ear about how Tomoe was in a better place and he wouldn't want him to be like this, he assumed she didn't miraculously know why he was so upset.

That was fine by him. Because _that_ was an acceptable reason to be this distraught.

He hadn't even begun to actually take into consideration everything that had occurred and actually _think_ about it. All he accepted at that moment was that he wasn't going to see Morinaga again. That was enough to dwell on without the boatload of other issues he wasn't addressing.

The second night at Matsuda's proved to be the worst. Souchi dreamt of Tomoe, of blinding headlights, of Morinaga standing before an oncoming car while Souchi stood helplessly to the side. He woke up screaming into his pillow and cold sweat on every inch of his body. From that point on, Souchi slept with his cell phone dangling from his fingertips, convinced the dream could come true.

No.

That the _nightmare_ could come true. Because that's what this situation was.

A fucking nightmare.

* * *

><p>"I'm heading to school. You can watch Mya right?"<p>

Matsuda jumped at the croaky, disused voice that came up behind her. She spun around from her place at the sink where she was heating a breakfast bottle for Mya and tried not to wince at the sight before her. Souchi was a mess. The bags under his eyes were proof enough that he had a maximum of 3 hours sleep in the past two days. His face was a sickly pale and his hair was back in a semblance of a ponytail. His clothes were rumpled and wrinkled; not a look Souchi would normally don to school.

Matsuda shook her head minutely, mostly in disbelief at the state of the person before her. "Souchi dear. You are in no fit state to go to school today. I'll make us some breakfast and perhaps we can go for a walk or watch some television or…"

Souchi cast his eyes downwards and Matsuda stopped abruptly. It looked like the conversation alone was seeping his energy.

"Can you take care of Mya?" He asked again quietly.

"Souchi I don't…" Matsuda began to protest but stopped again at how stricken Souchi seemed. He wasn't really acknowledging her. Matsuda nodded slowly and tried not to show how concerned she was. "Of course I can." She plucked a banana from the fruit bowl and held it out for Souchi. "Take this and eat it. Swear to me you will."

Souchi leaned over and the act alone looked to be too strenuous for him for he swayed slightly in place.

"I promise." He said and nodded once to her before making his way to the door. Matsuda hesitated before stumbling after him.

"And be back early please." She said and received only a curt nod before the door closed behind him. _This_ Souchi was scaring her. She had only seen him this upset right after Tomoe had died. She wondered what on earth had happened that had produced such an awful reaction. The spark, the fiery personality she had grown so used to was missing from Souchi's demeanor and without it she barely recognized the man.

With Mya still sleeping upstairs, Matsuda put the heated bottle of milk into the microwave for when the baby woke up and sunk down into the couch. A thought struck her out of the blue. Where did Morinaga come into all this? Why was he suddenly absent when Souchi was such a wreck?

She dialed his number and waited while three long dial tones sounded in her ear.

"This is Angel-kun's phone." A chipper voice said. Matsuda held the phone slightly away from her ear, puzzled.

"Um, excuse me, I'm sorry it seems I have the wrong number. I was hoping to speak to Tetsuhiro Morinaga." She replied not really knowing what else to say. A light-hearted chuckle answered her.

"Oh yes, sorry, this is his cell phone. And this is his friend answering it. Apologies. He's sleeping at the moment but I can…"

There was a shuffle with the phone and muted words, like someone had placed their hand over the receiver. Matsuda sat patiently, still slightly confused until a very breathy voice answered her.

"Hello?" That was Morinaga-san alright but he sounded…bad. What was wrong with her boys?

"Morinaga-san, dear are you alright? You sound awful." She asked troubled and couldn't help the motherly tone that overtook her.

The person on the other end let out a broken gasp and Matsuda realized she had never really used this number. He had given it to her in case of emergencies.

"Matsuda? Is everything ok? Did something happen? Is Mya with you?" Morinaga asked at a delirious pace.

"Yes, yes, she's absolutely fine. I was actually calling about Souchi." Matsuda said and was met with a brief silence.

"He…he's not hurt is he?" Morinaga asked softly but the worry still evident in his voice. Matsuda almost smiled, he was a very good friend for Souchi.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry I didn't mean to alarm you. It's just…I'm not sure he would like it if I was asking you but…Souchi and Mya have been living with me the past few days. Souchi is…I suppose the best way to put it is he's very upset. I thought it was Tomoe again but I'm just not sure. He seemed well the last time I saw you three and I'm just not sure what could have set him off like this. I don't want you to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with but do you have any idea what's got him like this?"

Morinaga let out a detached laugh and then picked up again in the same disheartened tone.

"We…uhhh…we had a fight. An argument. He doesn't want to speak with me right now."

_Now it made sense. _

"I see. It must have been bad with how Souchi's acting."

"It…it was. Listen Matsuda, if it's possible, I'd like to see Mya. I'm afraid to ask Senpai and I know he won't want to see me but…could I possibly…I mean I won't want to put you in the middle but…"

He sounded…drained. Matsuda jumped at the chance.

"Tomorrow at around 1?"

* * *

><p>Matsuda had seen Soujin with his children plenty of times before. She had seen the way he looked at them, how proud he was of the chicken scratch drawings taped to the refrigerator or the degrees they were now bringing home. Because no matter what his kids did, he found them to be the most perfect creatures to walk the earth.<p>

Morinaga was settled back in her couch, Mya snuggled into him, a bottle to her lips and breaking out into a toothless grin every so often. Over these past few months, Morinaga had become a father and Matsuda wasn't sure he even knew that.

But something wasn't right here. Because even though Mya was absolutely ecstatic at having Morinaga holding her once more, gripping his t-shirt tightly in her fist, Morinaga was doing a poor job at pretending he was just as happy.

He looked at her like she was his own, all adoring eyes and affection. But Matsuda couldn't ignore how every so often he would look a little too long into her eyes and blink away like he physically couldn't hold her gaze anymore. Like he was fighting back tears.

And Matsuda had had enough tears in the past few months to last a lifetime.

Just when she had worked up the courage to ask what all the fuss was about, Morinaga turned to her and this time there was no doubt he was openly crying.

He cried with control, knowing that if his body shook it would upset Mya and he resolutely looked away from her. He did, however, curl himself into her even more.

He told Matsuda everything.

Well, he left out certain tidbits of course. He wasn't going to cause Souchi unnecessary pressure.

And now Matsuda understood. Souchi wasn't upset about Tomoe. He was devastated his best friend was leaving. Morinaga was wiping away tears at the idea of never seeing Mya again.

She had to fix this somehow. To help. But if there was a solution it didn't present itself in time because Morinaga was looking frantically at his phone. He'd been there long enough and the idea of seeing Souchi now seemed to terrify him.

So Matsuda hugged him carefully at the door and stepped back to let Morinaga have his time with Mya. She felt her own eyes begin to water as he hugged her to him, nuzzled her cheek, whispered words into her ear, and kissed her forehead and nose. When he reluctantly handed her back to Matsuda, Mya's eyes widened, eyebrows raised in panic at being taken away and began kicking in protest. Matsuda held the frantic baby close to her in an attempt to calm her but none of it helped.

Morinaga paused at the end of her walkway, waving sadly at them both, choked out a broken sob and walked away to the sounds of a baby's unhappy screams.

Needless to say it took Matsuda the rest of the day to quiet Mya's cries. She kept reaching her arms out towards the front door, making vague grabbing motions no matter where Matsuda walked with her. She only slept when her tears ran dry and Matsuda had settled herself next to her on the bed. It was obvious however, that Mya would much prefer to be cocooned by either one of her guardians.

Matsuda watched her little chest rise and fall with the occasional hiccup interrupting the pattern. She decided she would speak with Souchi when he returned home.

* * *

><p>"How was Mya today?" Souchi inquired softly as Matsuda joined him at dinner. Matsuda observed Souchi's plate with disdain. It was far too empty for a grown man's meal.<p>

"Well to tell you the truth, I only got her to calm down a few hours ago." She said candidly and felt a pang of guilt as Souchi lowered his chopsticks and adopted a panicked expression.

"What? Why? Is she sick?" He asked quickly and alarmed. Matsuda shook her head, holding up her hands in a calming gesture. She didn't mean to scare him, she only needed Souchi to see sense.

"No. It's just, that little girl has had more than enough heartache and this situation is not helping." She said and watched recognition flit across her dinner companions face. It was brief, but it was there and she was now certain he knew exactly what she meant.

"I don't-"

"Morinaga-san came to see her today. He came to say good-bye." She said firmly.

The words penetrated the thick fog his mind had been in for too long. Souchi felt his stomach twist uncomfortably, crippling shame and guilt punching to the forefront of his thoughts.

"He was...good-bye?" He managed and blamed his lack of sleep for how noticeably his voice cracked.

Matsuda relaxed slightly, happy she was finally getting through to him but saddened by how much this obviously hurt him.

"Yes. It sounded like he was leaving tonight. Or very soon anyway."

Souchi didn't respond to this. In fact, he didn't speak for the rest of dinner. And when he said he was going out for a while, Matsuda didn't ask where he was going. She hoped she already knew.

* * *

><p>There was a faint voice in the back of his mind that faltered at the idea of Morinaga changing the locks, but Souchi's key still slid easily into place and he pushed it open. As the living room and kitchen came into view he realized he was relieved that everything was still in its place, nothing had moved since he'd left three nights ago. He stepped farther into the room, pausing and bracing himself, and made a show of closing the door. It was loud and if Morinaga was here, he would have emerged already.<p>

He didn't think it possible to reach a lower point in his mood but the thought of Morinaga already gone did just that.

Wanting to know for sure if he had really left, Souchi crossed the room in a few strides until he came to a stop in front of Morinaga's door.

Souchi took a deep breath before pushing the door open and revealing what he had feared. Souchi looked around grimly at the bare mattress and walls and tried to remember what it had looked like before. The walls pressed in closely and he felt suffocated even if the space was all but empty.

Morinaga was gone.

Souchi bit his lower lip aggressively, refusing to think of the implications, refusing to cry anymore. He was not going to cry over Morinaga.

Souchi all but stomped out of the room, desperate to leave the phantom feeling of Morinaga's presence. He gathered himself enough to enter his own room, half expecting to run into Morinaga at every turn. His bedroom looked depressingly the same, sheets still rumpled and thrown about from _that_ night.

_Stay with my Senpai._

_Yes. _

Fuck. Maybe coming back here so soon was a mistake. He idly noticed his lip was bleeding from how hard he had bitten down in an attempt to stop the flood of emotions. This place held too many memories and some were entirely too fresh.

He turned away, deciding to return when he was more stable and didn't want to punch a wall for reminding him of being pushed against it, a warmer body pinning him there.

Before he could draw more blood (because really, how was that helping the situation) for letting his thoughts drift _that_ way, the bedside table caught his attention.

As he neared it, he discovered there was a letter perched on top. It was adorned with various stamps and looked a little worn, like it had been through one too many mailboxes. On top of it was a note in handwriting he had never seen before. It explained that the letter had been lost for some time now and that they had managed to finally deliver it. Souchi removed the post-it note and squinted at the date. His eyes widened; it was from 7 months ago.

He froze. It was addressed to him. He would know that handwriting anywhere. His fingers had gingerly torn at the envelope before he could register it and he realized they were shaking as he opened it completely.

_Nii-san!_

_ Phew, I'm so glad I can finally write to you! I'm actually sitting on the patio and it's lovely and sunny (but that's California for you). Mostly I'm out here because little Mya is being fussy with her bath and I couldn't really concentrate. I can't wait for you to meet her Nii-san, she's so cute! Kurokawa is the perfect daddy already. Last week he tried to build her a rocking horse but, it didn't really turn out too well. He's fine of course but the stitches are supposed to stay in for another month. _

_I have so much to tell you but I'll get to the real reason I'm writing. When we were filling out the last of the adoption papers it had a section for where the baby would go if we were "incapacitated". Thing is, we had to turn those papers in immediately and we had to put down something to be able to take Mya home. You were the person I wrote down. _

_I believe you would make a wonderful father Nii-san. You are too caring for your own good, did you know that? You care more for other people than yourself and even though you should pay more attention to your own needs, that's good if you need to care for a child. Mya would be lucky to have you Nii-san. _

_Kurokawa agreed in the end but on one condition: that you would be happy. At the time I didn't even think of what he was saying (and I was sort of confused too) so I nodded along because I was so excited to begin our lives with Mya. _

_I asked him later what he meant and he sort of pet my head and said I needed to think about it first. He likes when I come to conclusions on my own so here's mine: Kurokawa and I are happy. He says he is and I certainly feel happy so yes we're both happy. When we were being interviewed by the adoption agency she said we were a great household for a baby to grow up in. Now that we actually have Mya, I understand what she meant. Because I want that too, I want her to be as happy as possible. If she grows up in a stable family with a lot of love and care then I think we've done a great job. That's why Kurokawa said that he needed you to be happy first because it translates to Mya's happiness. _

_I really wish we could have had this conversation face to face but Kurokawa thought I should write this sooner rather than later with this postal system (very unreliable, I'll be surprised if you ever get this). _

_You don't need to respond to this unless you really don't want the responsibility of Mya (which I can understand, it's still scary for us but we're learning). In that case let us know ASAP so we can put father down as the primary guardian in our will (we decided to write one up, just in case). I don't mean to pressure your decision Nii-san, but I still would want you to be Mya's father if anything were to happen. _

_Just don't waste any time. Only you can decide what makes you happy Nii-san. _

_Ah! I should probably get this sealed up and stamped. Mya has been ripping envelopes for a while now and she's eyeing up this letter as we speak. We miss you Nii-san! _

_Love,_

_Tomoe_

Souchi lowered the letter gingerly to his lap, hoping the water now spilling from his eyes wouldn't smudge the words too much.

His head protested letting his emotions take over, a headache forming rapidly, but he didn't care.

His brother, Tomoe, Kurokawa, Mya…_Morinaga_.

Morinaga?

Tomoe hadn't mentioned Morinaga in any capacity. So why was his name at the tip of Souchi's tongue?

He made to set the letter to the side to let the paper dry of his tears but realized it had been sitting on something. In somewhat of a daze, he reached for the all too familiar box and flipped the lid. Another note lay inside.

_Senpai,_

_This will always be yours. _

_Morinaga _

The silver ring lay underneath the note. Souchi gently traced the band with a trembling finger.

It was a beacon, a blow to the head, a freaking shot in the dark.

_Happy huh._

* * *

><p>Morinaga was watching an elderly couple haul their grandchildren to the bathrooms for about the fifth time when his train was announced as arriving shortly. He shifted his luggage for something to do and checked his phone for the hundredth time that day.<p>

Still nothing from Souchi.

A sharp pain ripped through him and he closed his eyes tightly while it passed. He really needed to stop thinking about Souchi, he physically and emotionally couldn't take any more of it.

And now he was crying. Damn.

He scrubbed harshly at his eyes and looked around for a distraction. Hiroto was talking rather animatedly into his phone, not having a care in the world. Morinaga envied him greatly and wondered if he would ever be able to reach that level of happiness again.

He turned away from Hiroto after a minute or so, slightly irritated at how _ecstatic_ he sounded. He loved his friend dearly and he appreciated the ride to the train station as well as helping pack his stuff up _and_ letting Morinaga stay with him but really, he was being depressed over here.

In fact, this was the most depressed he had been since Masaki. And even that didn't measure up to the magnitude that he had managed to screw everything up.

He had meant it, the note. That ring was Souchi's and wasn't going to adorn anyone else's finger. As much as Hiroto had tried to convince him in the other direction, Souchi would be Morinaga's greatest and final love of his life. He honestly couldn't imagine being with anyone else and the thought of dating, of those mindless one night stands made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Sorry about that. An old friend. You ready buddy?" Hiroto said cheerfully and didn't seem to stop grinning even as he saw the look on Morinaga's face.

Morinaga eyed him curiously. Usually Hiroto was the picture perfect friend, understanding Morinaga's predicaments before he did.

"I…guess."

"Hey, no worries. You'll do great Angel-kun, I promise." Hiroto said assuredly as Morinaga's train arrived in the station. He seemed to adopt a more sullen demeanor however as he dragged Morinaga to his feet from the bench and enveloped him in a hug. Morinaga hugged back, the gravity of just how much he was going to have to adjust, Hiroto and Souchi-less, slightly scaring him.

He boarded the train and waved sadly at Hiroto until he was out of sight. He made a pillow with his jacket and fell asleep at an disturbingly quick rate. Thankfully, his sleep was dreamless.

* * *

><p>The job was particularly accommodating, especially for a fresh college student. Once he arrived, a taxi had been ordered to take him to his new home. Home, as in a <em>house<em>. They were paying for a _house_. Granted he had put down that he would be moving with two others and would have to tell the company that that had changed, but it was still an incredible gesture.

20 minutes later, the taxi pulled up next to a modest house, not the largest or the roomiest but definitely humble. A single moving truck sat in the driveway and after he paid the taxi driver he greeted the mover's.

They had gotten there earlier than expected and, with the key, moved most of his boxes into the house already. He thanked them and they relinquished the key, driving off with smiles.

Morinaga looked up and around the front garden, deciding that if the company let him keep the house even if he was just by himself that he would plant some flowers underneath the windows. He didn't want to think about what a cute picture it would have made with Mya perched in the midst of some daffodils or daisies.

He breathed in the outside air deeply, appreciating the smell of freshly cut grass, and twisted the key into his temporary home.

From the front door he could make out a kitchen to his right and that the hallway branched off slightly into what he assumed was a living area, a bedroom, and a bathroom. He walked to the right to set some of his snacks on the counter of the kitchen when a shuffle alerted him.

He thought perhaps one of the mover's had forgotten something or a box of his but the noise was coming from _inside_ the house, not from the front door.

Morinaga tried not to jump as another noise, a very human noise, triggered his fight or flight instinct. He scanned the kitchen to see if he could use anything as a weapon but saw nothing that would cause real damage. He edged into the hallway slowly and…

Souchi came into view.

_Souchi. _

He's dreaming. He's still aboard the train. He's manifesting this anxious man before him, how he's shuffling from one foot to the other at the other end of the hall, the familiar way his face was scrunched up in a mix of apprehension, embarrassment, and relief. He's slightly alarmed with how detailed this dream is as Souchi opens his mouth and closes it, seemingly just as uncertain as how to proceed.

"You're here." Souchi breathed and suddenly the spell was broken, the words too clear and full of _Senpai _that this couldn't be a dream. Morinaga couldn't conjure up the perfect manner in which Souchi spoke if he tried.

Souchi kept readjusting his footing, looking entirely uncomfortable with the awestruck stare that was focused on him. He edged forward a little and his amber eyes grew as Morinaga took a large unsteady step back, bracing himself against the wood of the front door.

Souchi had known coming into this that he was going to need to do some major damage control. He had prepared an entire speech but it was only coming back to him in snippets. Morinaga was still leaning heavily against the door, a look on his face like he couldn't believe what was happening and it broke something inside him.

_I caused this. _

"Morinaga I…Ok listen up because I'm only saying this once." Souchi stated with more confidence than he was feeling at that moment. "Rule number one: you never, ever lie to me again. Leaving things, important things out of a conversation is just as bad. No lying, not to my face, nothing. Rule number two: I want to finish school. I've worked out a deal with our Professor already, he's willing to help me but I'll be able to get it done. Rule number three: Just because you now have some fancy job does not mean you can come home late like some fucking cliché. I need to get schoolwork done and I can't watch Mya at the same time. And…rule number four."

Morinaga held his breath while the information sunk in but his heart was beating so loudly in his ears he was only taking in some of it.

Souchi was _here_. Just seeing him was conflicting terribly with his emotions; heart wrenching but at the same time completely and utterly euphoric. He was fighting between moving closer to make sure he was real and sinking into the door that was, at the moment, his only support.

He couldn't answer, he knew Souchi wanted some sort of acknowledgement with how he was fumbling with the ends of his shirt but he physically couldn't.

It wasn't until Souchi took a few steps towards him and, only hesitating slightly, lifted his left hand in the air that Morinaga really started to pay attention.

"Just because I'm wearing this doesn't mean we're having a…a full-out wedding or that I'm the fucking wife or I'm taking your last name. Got it?" The silver glinted in the afternoon sun and only illuminated Souchi's rose colored face.

Morinaga couldn't take his eyes off of it.

"Morinaga?" Souchi ventured after a few moments, expecting more of a reaction than that. He was starting to feel embarrassment creep up his neck and he dropped the hand that held the ring feeling slightly stupid.

The action seemed to spur Morinaga into action because no sooner had he let his hand fall to his side that a watery, beaming grin entered his sudden line of vision and he was thrown backwards with the force of Morinaga's body connecting with his.

Souchi definitely did _not_ shiver as Morinaga's arms tightly encircled him and moist puffs of air assaulted his earlobe.

"Se-Senpai." Morinaga choked out. Souchi shouldn't be surprised that he was crying but it still stunned him. It also made the guilt he had been feeling the past 3 days swirl viciously in his stomach.

That was when Morinaga started shaking.

Souchi pulled back worriedly even though Morinaga's strong arms were unwilling to let him go all the way. He ended up in a tight embrace and very close to Morinaga's face but he wasn't crying. He was shaking with silent laughter that soon turned very vocal.

Souchi would have told him he was an idiot, laughing all by himself but he looked so damn _happy_. His eyes lit up in a way he had seen only a few times before, the skin around them crinkling in joy, his cheeks just as flushed as Souchi imagined his were at that moment. Souchi stayed silent because all he could and wanted to do was watch.

And then his feet left the ground. No one picked Souchi Tatsumi up goddammit even his future…whatever Morinaga was.

_Husband_, his mind supplied unhelpfully and his reddening blush only seemed to spur Morinaga on because now they were spinning. Supremely clumsily he might add. Morinaga didn't seem to care and gazed adoringly at him as he was raised slightly above him. If this had been a movie, Souchi would have switched it off immediately. But it was different when you were the one being held up by incredibly strong arms and warmed down to the toes.

Morinaga must have misjudged the distance because instead of bypassing the couch, his knees hit the arm and he fell backwards. Souchi landed quite heavily on top of him if the rush of breath was anything to go by. But a few seconds later, the laugh was still in his ear and he raised his head to lock eyes with Morinaga.

Morinaga was an ironic mess. His mouth had subsided into a playful smile, tear tracks covering much of his pink cheeks, and eyes slightly red from crying but looking at Souchi so…lovingly…that he almost couldn't believe this man existed. That he wanted Souchi so much.

That Souchi wanted him as well.

That it had taken almost 6 years, one baby, and a note from his brother to realize that the past few days were the worst he had felt his entire life. Because Morinaga wasn't in them.

He had always assumed that Morinaga was the one that needed him but as Morinaga's lips covered his own, solid and very real, he realized they very desperately needed each other.

The kiss was slow, tingling, and almost felt new. Like they were relearning the other's lips. Morinaga smiled against Souchi's mouth and felt an answering one in return.

He didn't want to cry anymore but his Senpai's willingness, his smile, his gesture, his…his ring placed where it belonged, was enough to let a few helpless tears leak down his cheeks. They mingled where their faces connected and cheeks brushed together. Souchi pulled back slightly with another look of confusion and worry at Morinaga crying and reached up to brush them away. His touch burned as pleasantly as the red of Souchi's cheeks and he couldn't help it.

"I am so in love with you." Morinaga chanted softly while peppering kisses anywhere he could reach. Souchi barely sustained a groan, familiar heat swirling in his lower belly, and instead fluttered his eyes shut at the close attention to his face.

"Do you love me Senpai?"

Souchi's eyes snapped open and he was met with a very intense leaf-green gaze. Did he…what?

Before he could think to answer, a shriek filled the air.

"Maaagooo la la!" Both men whipped their heads around from their position on the couch and saw a yellow ball of dribbling excitement crawling steadily towards them.

"Mya!" Morinaga exclaimed as she reached her two guardians, a fixated smile directed at them both, and gripped the edge of the couch cushion to pull herself up. Morinaga's eyes widened in surprise and with pride he laughed joyfully. "You clever girl. Morinaga missed you so much angel."

"Moooomooo. Momo la magooo!" She exclaimed earnestly, bouncing in her place and clapping a hand onto Morinaga's chest.

Morinaga's previous question was still pounding through his thoughts.

_Do you love me Senpai?_

Souchi reached over to card his fingers through Mya's golden hair and simultaneously entwined his left hand with Morinaga's, the ring warming up in his grip.

_Why do you think I'm here? Idiot. _

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> And this baby is FINISHED! Omg I can't believe it, I'm sorta sad that it's over. Rest assured there will an epilogue if enough of you want one and maybe I'll write like little one-shots/snippets from their lives a few years into the future._

_ALSO, I've gotten a few PM's and reviews asking if it is alright to draw/write fanart, fanfics about Mya and my answer is ABSOLUTELY! I mean really, what an amazing honor that would be. The only thing I ask is that you mention the title of the story somewhere and of course let me know so that I can take a look :)_

_I'm most likely going to rewrite some of this because I reread the whole thing to prep for the last chapter and yea, I just really hate reading my own stuff lol._

_A huge thank you to every single one of you that reviewed this story. I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. And of course especially to my muses **halfdemonfan** and **RedMynx**. You two helped me SO much I can't even tell you._

_Until next time my lovelies!_

_Javajunkie14_


	14. Epilogue

**Ease My Mind**

_Epilogue_

"Daddy?"

"Hm."

"Is this it?" Souchi blew a stray piece of hair out of his eyes before glancing over his shoulder. A box of baking soda was being thrust up into the air with determination, held there with small fingers and chipping pink nail polish. He shook his head slowly and the box lowered to reveal the blonde, earnest 4 year old holding it.

"No. We need flour now, not baking soda." Souchi explained gently and Mya scrunched her face up while she processed this. She stared at the baking soda in her hands and looked up, nodding enthusiastically at Souchi.

"Ok!" She exclaimed with newfound confidence. When Souchi heard the familiar quickened footsteps and the cabinet's being shuffled through, he turned back to the counter with a barely contained smile.

_Combine the eggs and flour together and then mix with-_

"Is this flour?" Mya chirped behind him a few moments later. Souchi turned once again and shook his head a second time.

"That's sugar. Try again." He said and turned back to the recipe before he remembered why they usually kept the sugar in the upper cabinet. "And keep your little fingers out of there." He warned lightly and heard Mya giggle in surprise at being caught. He glanced at her just as she popped her sugar covered pinky into her mouth with a proud smile.

"Sorry daddy." She said, although her beaming face said otherwise. She hefted the sugar back into its place in the cabinet with a small groan.

"Sure you are. Flour, remember?" Souchi reminded her and retrieved a mixing spoon from the nearest drawer, skimming the recipe again.

…_should take about 40 minutes to bake. Remove from oven and let it cool for about 5 minutes before serving._

"Is flour the _ffff_ sound?" A curious voice inquired. This time Souchi didn't try to contain the proud smile that wormed its way across his face. Maybe those annoying-beyond-belief cartoons were actually helping her with the alphabet.

He placed the spoon into the bowl, clapped his hands to be rid of the baking soda that still clung to them, and turned to receive the flour.

"Good girl, did you-" He turned just in time to see Mya's dimpled smile fade into one of surprise as she fell backwards in a cloud of white powder ,"-find it."

Two green eyes peeked at him shyly, sticking out prominently on her flour covered face and hair. Souchi sighed and knelt down in front her, brushing some of the flour off her nose.

"Maybe we should make you into a cupcake." He said softly and was rewarded with a giggle and a flour coated finger dabbing his nose.

Clean up was going to be a _blast_.

* * *

><p>It had been a dreadfully long day. And by long he meant <em>long. <em>He had had to be at work at 4:30 that morning to work out the kinks in his speech to the board members. He had back to back meetings over a new research proposal and worked through his lunch break to try and respond to the emails that had flooded his inbox. There was a stack of folders in the backseat of his car that needed filing and sorting which he was going to have to do tonight to be turned in tomorrow. All in all, the road to a promotion was a tough and lengthy one.

But as he maneuvered left onto his street, the stress that had seemed to accumulate in his neck and shoulders slowly disappeared and the headache he had from skipping lunch faded to a dull ache. When the car finally came to a halt in the driveway, he allowed himself to smile in relief. He did love coming home.

But the house was strangely silent as he unlocked the door and dropped the files on the side table.

"Hello?" He said loudly, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. At this point he was either dragged to the living room to read a book or twirling a giggling child in circles.

He ventured into the living room, mentally noting that Mya's toy's needed to be picked up a bit, but seeing no one. It was when he turned and faced the kitchen that he understood.

"Happy Birthday!"

Morinaga's eyes widened in surprise at the chorus but didn't hesitate to grin, overjoyed. Perhaps _he_ had forgotten his own birthday but his family _hadn't_.

Mya was kicking her legs excitedly up and down from her place on top of the counter. She wore a pink pointed hat on her dampened (did she take a bath already?) head and was clapping enthusiastically. Souchi stood behind her, two hands on Mya's waist to prevent any falling, giving her a bemused look before glancing up at Morinaga with a small smile.

Morinaga honestly couldn't think of a more perfect image if he tried.

He approached the pair and noticed a chocolate cake with _Happy B-Day Momo _placed on the counter to Mya's right side.

"Did you make me a cake?" He asked quietly and put his hand behind Mya's head, pulling her in to place a kiss on her forehead. Mya nodded quickly and almost knocked Souchi's nose in the process as she clapped animatedly.

"Yep! I helped daddy make it!" She proclaimed proudly and Morinaga tilted his head from around her to catch Souchi's eye.

"How did that go?" He asked. Souchi reached behind his ear, swiping with his finger, and held it up for Morinaga to see.

"We need more flour." He said and Morinaga laughed merrily at the white that coated Souchi's finger.

"Thank you both. It looks delicious. Shall we cut it?" Morinaga asked, straightening to make his way into the kitchen and retrieve a knife. A small hand sprung out and clutched at his shirt in an attempt to stop him.

Mya looked like the thought alone was too scandalous and the disbelief showed on her face.

"Not yet Momo! You need to blow the candles out first." She said, exasperated.

He held his hand to his forehead in mock frustration. "Ahh of course, how could I forget?"

Mya nodded compassionately and slid her hand down into Morinaga's. "That's ok Momo. Daddy bought some candles especially for you."

Morinaga raised his eyebrows and smirked at Souchi's back as he "tried" to find the candles.

"Did he now?"

When Souchi did turn around a few moments later, his cheeks were slightly rosy and he mouthed _idiot _behind Mya's back_. _

Morinaga merely grinned unabashedly in return, a familiar tingle twining its way down his spine and settling in his chest.

He was so entranced watching Souchi and Mya placing the candles on the cake that he almost jumped with surprise when they started singing. He obediently waited until the song ended, dramatically puffed out his chest, and blew the candles out in one breath.

Mya squealed in delight and demanded to do the same. Souchi dutifully lit the candles two more times to allow Mya to participate before the promise of chocolate became too much and they decided to cut it.

Morinaga was handed a knife and he paused halfway through the first cut at Mya's sudden shriek. Thankfully, after 4 years as a parent, he was quite used to the spontaneous noises that Mya was capable of making and avoided accidentally slicing his finger clean off.

He patiently turned his gaze from the cake to the little girl who was being lifted off the counter by an alarmed Souchi.

"Momo! You need to make a wish first!" She explained quickly and ran over to his side, tugging at his pants in haste.

He let his free hand glide to her hair in a comforting gesture and nodded.

"I already did, love." He said and saw her nod seemingly satisfied with his answer.

It was a lie. He hadn't made any sort of wish because he felt he didn't really need to. He didn't need anything more than what he already had and a glance at Souchi crouching to Mya's level to tell her not to screech when someone had a knife in their hand confirmed this.

Because it was a birthday, all three ventured into the living room and ate their cake on the couch. To avoid any unnecessary spilling of crumbs, Mya sat curled up in Souchi's lap, her legs resting on Morinaga's who sat beside them. Mya chattered on and on to her obliging parents who nodded along to such stories as Haru who had apparently thrown up before lunchtime, the argument between Mya and Maiko about whether ladybug princesses were a suitable Halloween costume, and the "terrifying" story an older child had told Mya and her friends at recess after overhearing their argument which then involved zombie ladybug's who were hunted by princesses.

"He was so dumb. It wasn't even scary. Plus ladybugs are way too tiny to be hunted with a bow and arrow, right Momo?"

Morinaga, who had been subtly twirling a piece of Souchi's hair behind the couch, smiled endearingly at the little girl who was waiting with wide eyes.

"Right. Princesses have better things to do." He said and saw Souchi's eyebrow raise mockingly as Mya huffed backwards into Souchi's warmth, sucking from her sippy cup of milk.

"Exactly. Boys are so dumb." She said, obviously satisfied with this answer, and yawned around her cup.

"I think it's past a particular princess's bedtime." Morinaga said softly. Mya scrunched her nose up and whined sulkily.

"I want to stay here with you and daddy."

Morinaga inwardly sighed, ready to relay the extensive list of things to say other than "because I said so" when Souchi spoke up.

"Momo and I are going to bed too." He stated firmly, avidly avoiding the sight of Morinaga gaping.

"We…we are?" Morinaga squeaked, earning twin looks of amusement. Mya was distracted for a moment but then quickly turned back to finishing her milk while Souchi smirked in his direction. In all honesty Morinaga didn't care how he sounded.

After 4 years he was still not used to Souchi more or less accepting what went on in the bedroom. It was sort of an unspoken agreement that on either of their birthday's celebratory sex was a given. Morinaga may have instituted the idea, but Souchi was the one still going along with it.

And so Morinaga watched in a sort of daze as Souchi hooked his arm underneath Mya's knees, cradling her to him, and shot an incomprehensible look at Morinaga as he rounded the corner towards her room.

Morinaga's lower belly tingled sharply in anticipation while he sat in a sort of shocked silence.

He couldn't relay how much things had changed, and how much he achingly loved those changes.

There was a few months of uncertainty after Souchi had agreed to live with Morinaga. He would have frequent panic attacks at work, convinced Souchi had changed his mind and taken Mya and left. They would leave him nauseous, achy, and exhausted. It wasn't until he had blacked out at his desk and was sent to the hospital his fears were proven untrue. A terrified and tearful Souchi had burst into his hospital room, Mya on his hip, and had pushed those previously nasty thoughts out of his mind with a few mumbled _idiots _and _morons _pressed into his neck.

His shocked silence was broken with the intensity of the memory and Morinaga leapt up, clearing away the dishes and cake as swiftly as he could without breaking anything. He practically skipped down the hallway to their bedroom, noticing that Mya's door was slightly ajar. He could hear the low mumbling of Souchi speaking with her and his voice alone sent shivers down his spine.

He made to walk into their bedroom but a rather colorful piece of artwork lay on the floor in front of the door, catching his eye. Morinaga smiled fondly and bent to pick it up when his feet were showered in glitter.

He let his head fall back and counted to 5 in his mind as he often told Souchi to do when he grew irritated. It was merely the thought of having to pick glitter off his work clothes for the next year that had him heave a small sigh.

The front read: MOMO, in big, red, wobbly letters and a matching arrow indicating to open the card further. Morinaga opened the haphazardly folded card, wary of any more glitter, and felt his breath hitch.

It was much the same as the going on thousands of drawings Mya had given the both of them. The sky was dotted with clouds and a very prominent sun, the grass green and in some areas sticking up more than others, and there was a house in the background with too many windows and stories.

Usually there were three stick figures vaguely resembling Mya, Souchi, and Morinaga in the center. This time, however, the entire piece of paper was filled lengthwise with everyone Mya had come to love.

On the very left hand side was a shorter figure holding a plate of cookies (Matsuda he realized with a smile). Next to her stood what he would have assumed was Souchi if not for the caterpillar t-shirt he had been drawn (Morinaga would have to send Soujin a copy). Holding his hand was Kanako with an arm full of books. Next to her was Isogai and judging by the drink in his hand, Hiroto whom Mya had met two years before. The pair had met quite randomly and decided to tag-team it by inviting themselves over for a week (Souchi still believed Morinaga had put them up to it). Needless to say that after showering Mya with candy and toys and the retelling of some of Isogai's fondest memories of Souchi, the visit was not soon forgotten. Morinaga's eyes lingered fondly on the three most prominent figures: Souchi and Morinaga on either side of a very colorful Mya. Morinaga squinted because it looked like Morinaga was holding a sack of flour above Mya's head. He resolved himself to ask her tomorrow, skipping over to Masaki and Kunihiro who were also holding hands.

The fact that he was able to discern who each person was impressive by its own right but that wasn't what caught his attention. In the upper right hand corner, a few notches below the sun, was a large cloud. On top of it were two stick figures, both lying down and pointing to the many figures below. They had angel wings and halos and white robes and…

Morinaga, again, had no trouble determining who they were.

He just didn't know Mya knew.

"She found a picture of Tomoe." Said a low voice, nearer than Morinaga expected it to be. Souchi had come up beside him and he had been so absorbed by the drawing he hadn't noticed.

Whatever expression Morinaga's face wore must have seemed vulnerable because it was enough to warrant Souchi to get closer and rest his chin lightly on Morinaga's shoulder. Morinaga's eyes didn't leave the drawing but he did lean back into Souchi's warmth and found that he too was gazing at the picture with a similar look of wariness and affection.

He wasn't really sure how long they just stood there, reveling in the closeness and safety of each other, before Souchi's words really registered with Morinaga.

"What…what did you tell her?" Morinaga croaked and if it wasn't for Souchi's body pressed up against his back, this conversation alone would have dumped his arousal in cold water.

He felt Souchi huff behind him and a slight movement which he assumed was a shrug.

"I told her he was my brother. That he was married to another man and wanted Mya for their own. But there was an accident and he couldn't be around to take care of her anymore." Souchi answered quietly and Morinaga could tell it wasn't easy for him to repeat.

He couldn't help but feel slightly affronted by this because they had planned to tell her _together_. They had read up on the matter and seen a child psychiatrist about the best approach.

His silence must have been more telling than he thought because the warmth from his back was suddenly gone and Souchi had moved to be in front of him. He was looking from the picture to Morinaga with a look of apprehension.

"I…I know that we were supposed to do what Mrs. _Orion _thought and tell her nothing until she was at least 8 or 9 but…when she showed me that picture it just all sort of…I'm sorry I know you wanted to be there too." He said and Morinaga couldn't help the pang of guilt at his words.

He was being damn selfish. It wasn't his place to decide when and how Mya was to know about her previous parents.

Morinaga shook his head and, hoping to convey his feelings, reached up and tangled his fingers in Souchi's hair. He still got a twinge of pleasure at the fact that Souchi merely gazed up at him through his lashes and didn't try to shove the hand away.

"Are you happy you told her?" Morinaga asked gently.

"Yes." Souchi didn't hesitate with his response and Morinaga smiled, cupping his face. He stepped closer still, hearing a small, surprised gasp at the move, and leaned forward so their foreheads were pressed together.

"Then _I'm_ happy you told her." Morinaga whispered, flicking his eyes between Souchi's.

Souchi couldn't help the pink that seemed to tint his face anytime Morinaga showed unwavering affection. He dropped his gaze, unable to hold Morinaga's stare for very long and nodded a little, wary of the fact that their foreheads were still resting against each other.

"Thank you for the cake." Morinaga said because he _was_ extremely grateful. No one had ever really taken the time and made him a cake before. There was that one time with Masaki who insisted he had baked it but the illusion was shattered by a receipt Morinaga found for the bakery downtown.

Souchi blinked his eyes open and refused to let his blush deepen. He found it hard to move away from Morinaga so he hoped a shrug would suffice.

"It wasn't a big deal." Souchi said as flippantly as he could muster but couldn't shake the sly smile permanently etched onto Morinaga's face.

Morinaga tilted his head to the side, eyeing Souchi's lips keenly. He moved his hands from their place on Souchi's shoulders down his back, pressing firmer in places he knew Souchi's body would appreciate. Souchi's lips parted of their own accord as Morinaga moved his fingers outward and came back up, slowly, tracing his sides.

"Oh but it was. It must have taken ages to write that message out on it." Morinaga insisted, loving the way such a simple gesture could affect Souchi this way.

"It…what?" Souchi breathed. Morinaga took Souchi's slow response as encouragement and hummed. He nuzzled Souchi's nose before drifting lower to his neck and speaking against the delicate skin there.

"And you bought me candles." Morinaga continued, kissing his neck and then biting down sharply.

Souchi's eyes widened and he let out a groan at the attention. "Hah! My-Mya made me." He tried to assure, but Morinaga was having none of it and his own body was tingling pleasantly.

"Mhmm. Sure. Just like Mya _made_ you buy birthday hats and _made_ you bake me a cake and _made_ you wear these jeans which you know drives me crazy." Morinaga's hands lowered to the hem of Souchi's shirt and slipped inside, feeling the way his abdomen shuddered underneath his fingertips. He smirked against his neck and lavished the other side with a kiss and a bite.

Souchi's eyes had fluttered shut and he almost forgot what they had been talking about. He actually _had_ forgotten that Morinaga loved these jeans (they had shrunk slightly in the wash and therefore fit tighter, something he was half sure Morinaga had planned).

"I…I didn't…" He tried, feeling pressure on his stomach pushing him backwards until his back hit the door.

"I must say my present is pretty exceptional this year." Morinaga said, placing a leg between Souchi's and reveling in how excited they both were in such a short amount of time. He would never be bored with this.

"You…your what?" Souchi asked through a haze of confusion.

"My present." Morinaga repeated and made a show of looking Souchi up and down, lingering on certain parts of his body. "I was hoping for a bow though."

Souchi narrowed his eyes, that damned flush returning and this time working its way up from his chest.

"You are such an id-ahh!" Morinaga's hand slipped down from under Souchi's shirt and wormed its way quite rapidly into his boxers, lightly brushing Souchi.

"Sshh, you'll wake Mya." Morinaga whispered, stroking harder now, hearing strangled gasps in his ear.

Souchi let his head drop to Morinaga's shoulder and felt moments away from biting down to quiet his moans. "Then let's…" Souchi started, stopping short.

"Yes?" Morinaga inquired hopefully and after a few moments, felt Souchi scrabble for the door handle to their bedroom.

They pushed into the room, Morinaga removed his hand from Souchi's jeans to cup his face with both hands and connect their lips in a fiery kiss. He had been waiting all day to do that. The files he was supposed to be organizing were pushed to the very back of his priorities as Souchi's tongue worked into his mouth, sliding over his own.

"Love you." Morinaga mumbled against Souchi's lips and felt him hum in response. He loved the eagerness with which Souchi began unbuttoning Morinaga's shirt without Morinaga having to prompt him to do so. If possible, it turned Morinaga on even further.

Souchi had managed to part and push the shirt hastily off his shoulders, revealing the white undershirt he had been wearing, when they both froze.

"Daddy? Momo?" A small voice said, muffled slightly behind the closed door.

Morinaga and Souchi's eyes met, both still breathing heavy and quelling the urge to groan at the interruption.

Souchi ran a shaky hand through his hair, his cheeks still flushed, and nodded towards the door. Morinaga sighed in resignation and opened it, Mya's hand poised to knock again.

She clutched her favorite blanket, worn and torn with love, and was looking up at Morinaga with a sheepish but frightened gaze.

He knelt to her level, thankful that Mya was a guaranteed arousal killer because it would be extremely inappropriate at that moment, and cupped her face as he had with Souchi only minutes before.

"What's wrong, love?" He asked gently and he only got a glimpse of her lower lip wobbling before he was engulfed in a hug.

She burrowed her head into Morinaga's shoulder, her little hands gripping behind his neck. Because she refused to lift her head from Morinaga, he caught only snippets of her breathy explanation.

"…zombies…get me…I didn't want to eat them…ladybugs are supposed to be _nice_..."

Morinaga smiled warmly into her hair, catching a whiff of her strawberry shampoo, and tugged her up with him as he stood.

"Do you want to sleep with us Mya?" Morinaga asked although he already knew the answer. Mya pulled her head back sharply and nodded rapidly, her jade eyes lighting up in response.

"Yes please Momo!"

Morinaga kissed her forehead before dramatically swinging her to and fro and throwing her lightly onto the bed. She giggled joyfully and crawled up to where Souchi had already gotten under the covers, letting him kiss her on the nose before crawling under herself.

Morinaga joined them moments later, bringing Mya's drawing with him. He curled his arm around Mya's shoulder and made sure he was in distance to stroke Souchi's hand. He opened it up and, upon recognizing her artwork, Mya bounced excitedly between the two men.

"Do you like it Momo?"

"It's beautiful, I love it. Thank you darling." Morinaga said and pointed to the Morinaga stick figure and the item he was holding. "Except, what's that? Is it a bag of flour?"

"No, you're silly Momo. That's my baby sister." Mya said easily, unaware of both her guardians jaws dropping, their eyes seeking the others in shock.

"Your…your…" Souchi stumbled out, his expression verging on horrified. Morinaga had to chuckle at that, he had been stunned to say the least but another Mya wouldn't be that bad. In fact, he'd love to expand their little family.

"Maiko's mommy just had a baby and now she's a big sister. I'm going to have a baby sister too one day." Mya explained, yawning at the end of her sentence.

There were a few moments of silence before Souchi seemed to come back to himself and snatched the drawing away from Morinaga, looking over it once, and placing it quickly on the bedside table.

"Lay down and go to sleep, you bug." He said, tickling Mya into a lying position. Once her laughter faded into a yawn she nodded, snuggling under the blanket.

"Ok! Night Momo and Daddy."

Souchi narrowed his gaze as he directed his attention to the other man who seemed to find the situation funny rather than serious.

"You too, _Momo._" Souchi said and Morinaga marveled at how Souchi could make anything sound like _idiot_ without actually saying it.

Morinaga shrugged, smirking still. "That's fine. I can just open my present tomorrow instead."

He watched as Souchi checked that Mya's eyes were really shut before leaning over and smacking the side of Morinaga's head.

Morinaga merely laughed and grasped onto the hand before he recoiled it. Souchi rolled his eyes and huffed down to lie beside Mya, not bothering to retract his hand.

Morinaga copied the action, switching the light off beside him and letting their joined hands rest on Mya's stomach. Morinaga didn't miss the fact that their identical silver rings clanked quietly together as he adjusted his fingers around Souchi's.

Before he drifted off to sleep, Morinaga had a sudden thought. He felt somewhat absurd and silly for thinking it but it _was_ his birthday.

He took back what he said before and wished. He wished that nothing would change for the worse. That Mya remained an exceptionally loving and caring little girl. That Souchi still baked him cakes and responded to his kisses. That Souchi would say 'I love you' without pretense or hesitation.

Morinaga fell asleep with a smile on his face.

He wished that Mya would get over the zombie and ladybug thing very soon.

Because he _really_ wanted to unwrap his present.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Wowza! Ok this turned out about 5 times longer than I had originally planned; I guess I missed writing about them. They're so adorbs, who wouldn't._

_And IMPORTANT! Please you guys, you don't have to ask me if it's ok to draw or write about Mya or the story or whatever. I mean really, it's such a freaking honor so DO IT! All you have to do is let me know and just mention the story. Das it. Honestly I'd love to see what you guys come up with. Plus I do need like a little picture thingy for the story itself…just sayin._

_This isn't the end loves! I will take suggestions and maybe write a few one-shots or drabbles about various occasions or situations in their lives like their wedding day…or night haha. Again, I'm better with fluff than smut which is pretty obvious._

_Again thank you to everyone who has favorited, reviewed, followed, everything. You are beautiful little darlings!_

_Until next time!_

_Javajunkie xxxxxxxxxxxx_


	15. Extra

Hello my beauties! I guess I should explain this one.

So first off, I know I'm meant to be working on the next chapter of _Scales_, but my procrastinating little brain wanted to write a baby (minuscule, microscopic, you can barely see it) extra for this story.

And seeing as I ADORE reading texting fics, I thought I'd test one out with our favorite couple.

_***Souichi is italicized***_

***Morinaga is normal***

**This extra takes place right after the last chapter NOT THE EPILOGUE. It spans 4 years.**

I was playing around with the format for AGES so I apologize if it's difficult to read or to know whose talking. For those still interested, next chapter for Scales should be out in a couple weeks - a month.

Ok read on!

* * *

><p><strong>Wednesday, April 24th<strong>

**11:42 AM**

Souichi?

**11:45 AM**

_Busy, what_

Can I make you a facebook page?

_Whatever, busy_

* * *

><p><strong>Friday, May 3rd<strong>

**1:13 PM**

_YOU'D BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS IDIOT _

Senpai? What's the matter?

_WHAT DID YOU PUT ON THAT FACEBOOK THING_

**1:14 PM**

N-nothing just…general information

_TAKE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW_

Whyyyy? I didn't lie about anything

_Then explain to me why everyone and their mother is calling to congratulate us on BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP_

Because it's true

_TAKE IT OFF_

**1:17 PM**

_MORI I SWEAR TO GOD_

**1:19 PM**

I've…forgotten the password

_Where are you?_

W-why do you ask?

**1:25 PM**

At home

**1:27 PM**

Senpai?

**1:35 PM**

SENPAI HOW MEAN

_Not my fault you made the password stupidly obvious. Mya? Seriously? Idiot_

Did you have to write all those things on my wall?

_Why? I didn't lie about anything._

* * *

><p><strong>Monday, August 26th<strong>

**2:12 PM**

Senpai? Could you get some of those baby-proofing things you put on doors and things? I forgot to add that to the list

**2:15 PM**

_Sure, what's she done now?_

She tried and almost succeeded in opening the backdoor. Not happy

_She's done that loads of times_

**2:16 PM**

SENPAI!

_I stopped her, geez quit worrying. How many?_

Like, 8

**2:17 PM**

_That's way too many_

Now that she's walking she can get into anywhere

_We do not have 8 doors_

Well we might need extra

**2:18 PM**

_For what? In case she breaks them all down?_

Senpaiiiiiii, please?

**2:20 PM**

_This is dumb, we could be spending this money on I don't know, FOOD_

Please?

_Fine. Whatever._

:)

**2:22 PM**

_What the fuck is that?_

It's a smiley face

_That's a colon and a parenthesis._

**2:23 PM**

Turn your phone to the side

**2:24 PM**

_Great, the cash register guy thinks I'm a freaking moron who can't work a phone._

**2:25 PM**

_He just offered to help me read my text! I'm gonna kill you_

Soup for dinner ok?

**2:27 PM**

_Yea it's fine_

* * *

><p><strong>Monday, September 7th<strong>

**9:12 AM**

_afeiuawehr332_

_ernhaiw3ururu3hur3h3939393993_

**9:13 AM**

Uhh, Souichi, you alright?

**9:14 AM**

_rgtar_

_328urorjriouq3rw8ijwuoi3uthyutfwifht382yewot3y2wio f_

**9:15 AM**

Souichi, what's wrong?! I'm calling the house phone.

**9:32 AM**

_You really should have known it was Mya_

I was worried! I thought maybe you'd been kidnapped and were trying to send me a message!

**9:33 AM**

_You think too much_

* * *

><p><strong>Tuesday, September 17th<strong>

**10:49 PM**

Souichi? Love, come home please

**10:55 PM**

_I will, did you get back alright?_

Yes, Mya fell asleep in the car and I just put her to bed.

**10:56 PM**

_Good, it was_

**10:59 PM**

_It was good she got to see them_

I think so too

**11:00 PM**

_She shouldn't forget them_

She won't, we'll make sure of that

**11:13 PM**

Souichi?

**11:15 PM**

It's freezing outside and I know you don't have a coat on, is there a train home at this hour or should I bundle up Mya and come pick you up?

**11:20 PM**

_I'll get home I just wanted a few more minutes. Tomoe would have hated this place ya know, he would have wanted to be buried somewhere with a view, by the ocean or something. It's so miserable here, why did I pick this place_

**11:21 PM**

You did your best at a chaotic and awful time, you did wonderfully

**11:25 PM**

Souichi?

**11:31 PM**

Souichi, I know today is hard, I know you miss Tomoe, but I'm getting worried

_***Missed Call from Tetsuhiro at [11:42 PM]***_

**11:45 PM**

Please come home!

Mya is refusing to go to sleep now, she wants her father

I want you here too, please

**11:55 PM**

_Caught the last train, will be there in 15_

* * *

><p><strong>Wednesday, September 23rd<strong>

**10:41 AM**

_Apparently Masaki is, "Ridiculously excited to see beautiful little Mya this Saturday! Can't wait to see my three favorite people again! Will post piccies! xxx" _

_Funny, I don't remember discussing this_

**10:42 AM**

He he, we didn't? Must have slipped my mind

_Uh huh, sure_

Senpai, I'm really sorry I just…I was afraid you would say no and my brother hasn't really met Mya yet and Masaki insisted he come too. I'm sorry!

_It's fine, he should meet her_

**10:44 AM**

Really?

_Yea, I want her to have as much family as possible and if it includes that asshole Masaki then so be it_

**10:45 AM**

Sooo I've been stressing about this for weeks for no reason? Of course I have. I love you so much Senpai, thank you.

_If he tries anything tho, he's out_

**10:46 AM**

Of course :)

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday, September 30th<strong>

**1:34 PM**

_Where will you be on October 20th?_

**1:37 PM**

Uhhh, probably at home? Unless…SENPAI IS PLANNING A ROMANTIC VACATION?!

_GOD, idiot, NO. Just my dad and Kanako are going to be in town at the same time so_

Oh how lovely! All of Senpai's family together. I'll be sure to cook something really special xxx

**1:38 PM**

_I don't even wanna know what those xxx's at the end are for, do I?_

Haha, you probably don't

**1:42 PM**

_So…you'll be there then. At the house_

Of course!

Unless

**1:44 PM**

Does Senpai not want me there?

**1:45 PM**

_It's not that I don't want you there it's just that it might be easier to ya know…explain to them everything if you aren't_

**1:47 PM**

_Ok I'm screwing this up, as always_

**1:52 PM**

_Mori? U there?_

Yes

_You're pissed off_

**1:53 PM**

We've been together with Mya for two years and you're still ashamed, it hurts Souichi

_Is this about the…wedding thing again because I told you I wasn't ready_

**1:55 PM**

No, it isn't about that, though you refuse to talk about it. I thought you accepted this already but I guess not

**2:03 PM**

_I'll pick Mya up from daycare and take her to the zoo._

How does that solve anything? You want me to just wallow in self pity at work? We need to talk about this!

**2:07 PM**

Souichi!

* * *

><p><em>***Missed Call from Tetsuhiro at [7:31 PM]***<em>

**7:32 PM**

_Oh now you decide to call, after skipping dinner and making me do the cooking and the laundry. Very mature_

**7:33 PM**

We have you listed as the emergency contact on Tetsuhiro Morinaga's phone. Please call back at the earliest convenience for the location of the hospital and his condition. Thank you.

_***Incoming Call from Souichi at [7:33 PM]***_

* * *

><p><strong>12:05 AM<strong>

_You awake?_

**12:06 AM**

Hello :)

_I'll let that slide because you're sick. How do you feel?_

**12:07 AM**

Not sick, just fainted. Haha, you mean since you left the hospital 10 minutes ago? About the same, Senpai.

**12:08 AM**

How's Mya?

**12:10 AM**

Souichi? Did you fall asleep?

_I want you there. For dinner, on October 20th._

**12:11 AM**

I love you

_I know_

* * *

><p><strong>Tuesday, October 8th<strong>

**9:21 PM**

Senpaaaaaaaaaaai

_What_

What are you doing?

**9:23 PM**

_What do you think? Work_

But you've been doing that for ages, come to bed

_No_

**9:24 PM**

Why noooooooooot

_Because you're planning something, I know it_

Haha you think I plan these kinds of 'things'?

_Yep_

**9:25 PM**

Souichi come ON

**9:27 PM**

_Leave me alone and go to sleep. You shouldn't be doing-_

_Anyway, you just got back from the hospital. Sleep_

I can feel you blushing from all the way in here my love. I got back like a week ago, I think I'm okay

**9:28 PM**

_Shouldn't risk it_

But I like taking risks, and I like taking your clothes off with my teeth

_Shut up!_

If you don't come to me, I'll come to you

**9:29 PM**

_No you won't_

I will

_I'll hide_

I'll enjoy finding you

_The doctor said not to!_

**9:31 PM**

_ Mori?_

**9:32 PM**

_Answer dammit!_

**9:33 PM**

_If you sneak up on me I swear I'll erfwanhu3q2222243469_

* * *

><p><strong>Friday, October 18th<strong>

**3:21 PM**

Is Soujin-san allergic to chocolate?

_Uhh no_

**3:22 PM**

Thank goodness or dessert would be ruined lol

_You're going overboard, don't go crazy_

I can't help it, I want Souichi's family to like me!

**3:23 PM**

_They already like you_

_Foooor some reason_

Meanie

**3:24 PM**

_Idiot_

…nerd

_JERK_

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday, October 20th<strong>

**_***Missed Call from Souichi at [9:46 PM]***_**

**_***Missed Call from Souichi at [9:59 PM]***_**

**_***Missed Call from Souichi at [10:03 PM]***_**

**10:05 PM**

_Where did you go? I turned around and you were gone. Had to kick my dad and sister out by myself, do you know how hard that is to do._

I just needed a walk

**10:06 PM**

_At this time of night? What's wrong with you?_

**10:10 PM**

_Mori!_

**10:15 PM**

_If you don't tell me I'm coming after you_

You don't want it, do you?

_Want what?_

The wedding, the ring, none of it

**10:16 PM**

_Why the fuck are you being so dramatic?!_

You took it off! The ring, you took it off so your family couldn't see! Do you even know where you put it? Did you purposely let it fall down the drain?

**10:17 PM**

_You complete IDIOT! If you had stuck around you would have heard what I wanted to say._

Which was?

_I told them, okay? Satisfied?!_

**10:19 PM**

You

You couldn't have

**10:20 PM**

_Well I did. I waited for the end of dinner so I wouldn't have to hear about it for the entire night but I did, I told them. And the ring was in my pocket you asshole._

I'm sorry Senpai I

**10:22 PM**

I can't stop crying

I don't deserve you

**10:24 PM**

_Just shut up and come home you idiot_

* * *

><p><strong>Monday, June 1st <strong>

**2:35 PM**

What about bugs!

**2:37 PM**

_What about them_

Oh, sorry Senpai I don't explain things when I get excited. A bug party for Mya. She'd love it!

**2:38 PM**

_God, my old man's done enough damage, don't encourage her_

**2:41 PM**

_You already told her didn't you_

She wants a red and black polka dot dress

_Geez_

**2:42 PM**

But she loves ladybugs and caterpillars, it'll be great! You only turn 3 once after all.

_Yea we'll see._

**2:47 PM**

_God already with the facebook?_

**2:49 PM**

_IDIOT now Isogai wants to come, how do you block people on this thing_

Isogai has a facebook? Why hasn't he sent me a friend request?

**2:50 PM**

_Count yourself lucky, he sends like 5 messages a week_

What?! Senpai please change your relationship status back

**2:51 PM**

_WHAT WHY_

Because you are off the market and Isogai needs to know that, HE'S DANGEROUS

_YOU'RE AN IDIOT_

* * *

><p><strong>Monday, June 9th<strong>

**10:03 AM**

Souichi, how many more people did you invite to this party?

**10:05 AM**

_A few_

Who are all these extra people? I thought it was just going to be Mya's class and a few of our close friends.

_It's not my fault so many people love Mya_

**10:10 AM**

SENPAI, how does our former professor get on the list? He doesn't even know Mya exists

_Sure he does_

**10:11 AM**

Souichi Tatsumi, why are you inviting all these random people?

_No reason_

Then why does Isogai think he's in charge of balloons?

**10:12 AM**

_How do you talk to him? I thought you weren't friends!_

He added me on facebook this morning saying how excited he was we "entrusted him with this task".

_Ok sooooo I asked people to bring stuff, big deal. Isogai deserves it_

**10:14 AM**

SENPAI! You can't just use people like that! They'll think we're not able to afford a birthday party for our own daughter!

_I just wanted to save money! God what is the big deal, we're already giving these people food._

We're not so down on money we can't afford balloons. What is so important you have to save up for?

**10:16 AM**

_None of your business_

I'm sorry but it is my business Souichi. Please tell me

**10:18 AM**

_Look, it's a surprise ok? Don't ruin it._

Alright, I trust you. But tell all these people they don't have to bring anything but a small present.

_Fine_

**10:20 AM**

Except Isogai

_Good man_

* * *

><p><strong>Thursday, June 12th<strong>

**11:21 AM**

I keep finding balloons EVERYWHERE! There was three under the couch and one in the blender? This is a choking hazard

**11:26 AM**

_Mya's smart enough not to eat them_

That's not the point, the point is he went overboard on purpose.

_You're blaming me aren't you_

**11:27 AM**

_Omg, it's not a big deal, I just needed some extra money that's all_

I believe you Souichi, I do, but I'd feel more at ease if I knew what it was going towards.

**11:31 AM**

_Friday, just wait till Friday_

This Friday? But Mya is going to Matsuda's

**11:32 AM**

_And you call me oblivious, stop bugging me, some of us are working_

Oblivious?

**11:39 AM**

Souichi?

**11:40 AM**

Wait is….is Senpai planning something…FOR THE BOTH OF US?!

Should I wear anything special? Buy anything?!

I love you Souichi!

xxxx

**11:41 AM**

_IDIOT I WILL TAKE THE PHONE AWAY FROM YOU ONCE I GET HOME, SHUT UP_

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday, June 14th<strong>

**1:34 PM**

Souichiiiiiiiiii

**1:36 PM**

_What_

I love youuuuuuu

_I know, you've said that only about a billion times_

**1:38 PM**

And I'll never get tired of it, or you, my love

**1:40 PM**

Come hooooome. I need to show you how much I love you

_Idiot, don't be so embarrassing it was just a ring_

It was NOT just a ring! It was a ring that matches yours, now everyone will know who I belong to xxx

**1:41 PM**

_I don't think they're paying that much attention_

Mmmmm, it's beautiful. I wish you were here so I could show you how much I appreciate this gift

Though I think I took care of that last night as well

**1:42 PM**

_MORON QUIT IT! You know I'm at the library_

Are you afraid to be thinking of inappropriate things in such a quiet place?

**1:43 PM**

But I need to tell you how much I love it when you wrap those long legs around my waist while I'm fucking you

Or that when I lick the sweat from around your nipples, especially the right one, you whimper in a way that drives me absolutely crazy and I have to fight from pushing in at _that_ angle to just finish

You put me on edge, Souichi, all the time

**1:45 PM**

_Stop_

**1:46 PM**

That's hardly convincing, my love. It's getting a little hard to do this one handed tho

_Do wha_

_STOP IT_

**1:47 PM**

Fuuuuuuuuuuck I wish you were here

_Idiot STOP_

Guess those books are more interesting

**1:48 PM**

You know I think about you when I'm doing this, fucking myself with my fingers

In fact, I'm ready, I'm sooo ready if you were up to it

You deserve it Souichiiiii, you deserve to fuck me like I fuck you

**2:01 PM**

Souichi?

Please tell me that's your car in the driveway and I'm not going to be murdered while completely naked on our bed

**2:02 PM**

Haha, I highly doubt you're going to kill me, though that was an impressive scream

Come find me darling

* * *

><p><strong>Friday, September 17th<strong>

**6:11 PM**

_This music makes me want to gauge my ears out_

**6:12 PM**

Hello :) Enjoying the concert I see

_Mya hasn't even been up yet, why do they insist on these mediocre children singing when they obviously can't_

**6:13 PM**

Senpai! That isn't nice to say about children.

_Well it's true, at least Mya doesn't pick her nose on stage._

Did she get my note?

**6:20 PM**

_Sorry, some chick was glaring at me for texting. I can see where her kid gets its looks from. Yea she did_

Good, I'm glad. These conference meetings are the worst, I wish I was there with you two.

_Nothing to be done, not your fault_

**6:21 PM**

I know I just…I feel like Mya resents me for it

_Don't be dumb, she understands. She even said she'd give you a private show when you get home_

**6:29 PM**

_Mori?_

**6:35 PM**

_Look, she loves you ok? Stop sulking_

**6:36 PM**

Sorry Souichi, I had to take a call. And I know she does but I wish I didn't have to do this so often. How did she do?

_Brilliantly of course. Hold on_

***Attachment [876 KB] ***

**6:38 PM**

Aww my little sweet pea. And Mya looks cute too… ;P

_WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE SMILEY FACES_

**6:39 PM**

Drive safely Souichi, I love you both

_Night, Mori._

* * *

><p><strong>Thursday, March 13th<strong>

**4:31 PM**

_This therapist is a whack job_

**4:32 PM**

Souichi! She's sitting right in front of us!

_I know, if only she could read texts as well as she _doesn't_ read minds_

**4:34 PM**

Her job isn't supposed to be to read our minds, it's to help us transition with our daughter

_Transition my ass, transition from what? She just wants more money to tell us the same thing she's been telling us for four years._

_"Oh noooooooooooo, telling a four year old about her real parents? TOO SOON!" Too soon, bullshit, Mya isn't stupid_

**4:37 PM**

_Answer me moron, stop paying attention_

**4:38 PM**

_You need a haircut, you're beginning to look like a wolf_

**4:39 PM**

_God that painting is hideous, was that worth actual money? Maybe she did it, I BET she painted it._

Souichi! You'll get us both in trouble

**4:40 PM**

_Whateveeeeeeeeeeer, let's just leave, she won't even notice_

You're impossible. If you don't watch out I'm going to thoroughly punish you when we get home

_As long as we're out of this hell hole I don't care_

**4:41 PM**

You do know what that entails right?

_Yep_

**4:43 PM**

_Stop looking at me like that; she's beginning to get suspicious_

**4:45 PM**

_Complimenting that painting, seriously Mori?_

**4:46 PM**

_TOLD YOU SHE PAINTED IT_

Are you being serious here Souichi?

_Let's leave_

Are you drunk?

**4:47 PM**

_Had a beer before we came, so what? Only way to make this bearable._

Incorrigible, just wait till I get you home

**4:48 PM**

_Promises, promises_

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday, July 6th<strong>

**9:55 AM**

Loved my birthday present xxx

**10:01 AM**

_Have you looked at anymore schools?_

You always change the subject :( And yea, but they're not anywhere we can afford. Looking for a house is hard!

_Duh, how long did your company give you before they throw us out?_

**10:03 AM**

My boss was very kind about it considering _I'm leaving for another job_, he said he'd give us four months to find somewhere else. It's just as well, it would be nice to have a larger garden for a swing set.

_Yea, so long as that Haruto kid doesn't come over and use it_

**10:04 AM**

Not this again

_He's trouble!_

You just don't like him because Mya does, he's a perfectly nice little boy

**10:06 AM**

_He's a boy_

_Trouble_

I'll let you know if I find anything, you silly over-protective daddy

* * *

><p><strong> Monday,<strong> **September 1st**

**2:25 PM**

_Why did we hire these people? This idiot can NOT have a valid license_

**2:30 PM**

We're forgetting something, I can feel it

**2:33 PM**

_We packed up literally the entire house, it's bare walls and floors, we aren't forgetting anything_

**2:34 PM**

You're right

I'm just nervous I guess hehe

_About what? We're moving like three miles away. _

**2:35 PM**

I know, I guess any change is a little scary.

**2:37 PM**

_It's hardly that much of a change compared to four years ago. _

I know :) I'm so glad you followed me Souichi, my life would have been so empty without you two.

**2:39 PM**

_Nine years on and you are STILL the most embarrassing person ever_

**2:41 PM**

Yep! Not going to change now, sorry

**2:45 PM**

_GOD DAMMIT! _

_We're turning around, take the other moving truck to the house, Mya and I will meet you there later_

What?! Why?! What's happened?

**2:46 PM**

_Forgot to get our bikes out of the shed_

**2:48 PM**

Do you enjoy almost giving me heart-attacks?

_Yes_

You're lucky I love you

**2:50 PM**

_I know_


End file.
